Shackled City Epic: "Vengeance" (story concluded)
- Thread starter Lazybones
- Start date
Neverwinter Knight
First Post
Kudos, Lazybones! And let it not be said that the epic conclusion came to the heros without price.
Still, I don't believe you will be able to leave so many story arcs open. We, the readers, also wonder about the fate of Benzan & Zenna. Of course, the prophecy of the remaining travellers is yet to be fulfilled...
No pressure, I just hope you'll get around to it sometime. And if you start another SH, you can count me in!!!
Still, I don't believe you will be able to leave so many story arcs open. We, the readers, also wonder about the fate of Benzan & Zenna. Of course, the prophecy of the remaining travellers is yet to be fulfilled...
No pressure, I just hope you'll get around to it sometime. And if you start another SH, you can count me in!!!
Last edited:
Hey, LB...
Haven't had much time to post lately, but I've still been lurking and reading.
Great to see such a triumphal conclusion to the whole saga. And unlike some people I could name, I was happy to see Arun survive. Dwarves... give them good saves and they approach unstoppable.
Haven't had much time to post lately, but I've still been lurking and reading.
Great to see such a triumphal conclusion to the whole saga. And unlike some people I could name, I was happy to see Arun survive. Dwarves... give them good saves and they approach unstoppable.
AnAverageDM
First Post
BROVO! BROVO! A great ending to a great story. I truly enjoyed what you have created here and am sad only in that it is now over. Thank you again for such a great read.
Broccli_Head
Explorer
Hooray! The Demon Prince is Dead!
So what happened to the plane? Did we have a Conjunction ala Ravenloft Plane being redeemed? So that now Occipitus is in Toril?
So what happened to the plane? Did we have a Conjunction ala Ravenloft Plane being redeemed? So that now Occipitus is in Toril?
Loincloth of Armour
First Post
A very good read Lazybones. I'm really glad I stopped in to read this thing.
Some points I think must be raised to mention here however:
While the ending was fine, it was too abrupt. There much was set-up, assending action, and climax, but there was no falling action, nor an epilogue.
Unlike gaming sessions, fiction needs a winding down to wrap things up. A post combat episode where things return to normal, or seeds laid for the next trouble.
Without these wrap-ups, the ending comes across like speeding into a castle wall.
Another point, definately raised by others, is that near the end the Heroes of Cauldron had been completely overshadowed by the old gang. Once Zenna was dead and her body found, Dannel really didn't do much for the party. He ceased to be a PC and became and NPC henchman. Mole had her schitck, but only rarely rose above that level (her conversation after she had died was good however). Arun and Beorna at least had each other (and the constant pleas for those who wanted to see the paladin die) so they maintained an interest and a purpose in the story.
To be honset, Dannel, Mole, (and while not part of the Heroes, Lok as well), didn't do much for their roles. If you continue on with their adventures (and I think you will, after all someone's soul needs saving), give them something to focus on, some goal beyond just making it through the next battle. Give them something to make them hate, something they fear, something to love. Force them to be more than another attacking body.
Your fight scenes are well crafted, and certainly follow the cut-and-flow of a standard DnD combat. As that is what most are coming for, I think you provide quite well.
Some points I think must be raised to mention here however:
While the ending was fine, it was too abrupt. There much was set-up, assending action, and climax, but there was no falling action, nor an epilogue.
Unlike gaming sessions, fiction needs a winding down to wrap things up. A post combat episode where things return to normal, or seeds laid for the next trouble.
- Dannel visiting Zenna's grave.
- Cal and Mole discussing how they have changed over their time together.
- Beorna holding a wake for Jenya.
- Dana in more distress over her husband's death and still lack of soul.
Without these wrap-ups, the ending comes across like speeding into a castle wall.
Another point, definately raised by others, is that near the end the Heroes of Cauldron had been completely overshadowed by the old gang. Once Zenna was dead and her body found, Dannel really didn't do much for the party. He ceased to be a PC and became and NPC henchman. Mole had her schitck, but only rarely rose above that level (her conversation after she had died was good however). Arun and Beorna at least had each other (and the constant pleas for those who wanted to see the paladin die) so they maintained an interest and a purpose in the story.
To be honset, Dannel, Mole, (and while not part of the Heroes, Lok as well), didn't do much for their roles. If you continue on with their adventures (and I think you will, after all someone's soul needs saving), give them something to focus on, some goal beyond just making it through the next battle. Give them something to make them hate, something they fear, something to love. Force them to be more than another attacking body.
Your fight scenes are well crafted, and certainly follow the cut-and-flow of a standard DnD combat. As that is what most are coming for, I think you provide quite well.
CrusadeDave
First Post
Great Job
Excellent Read. Nice Job.
Excellent Read. Nice Job.
Lazybones
Adventurer
First off, thanks to everyone for the kind words of praise.
) instead of just a set of pre-written modules and some characters like I did, it might have come out more balanced in terms of the development of all of the heroes.
You know what, I think you may be right...Neverwinter Knight said:
As the story stands now, I completely agree with you. If this had been the end end, I would have attached an epilogue.Loincloth of Armour said:
Yeah, I do regret that somewhat. I didn't plan out from the start who was going to die, but Dannel's number just kept coming up (his relatively weak durability combined with the threat he posed to just about all the big bads all but ensured that he'd be making a lot of tough saves). Part of it though is that I have come to think of the characters as an organic whole, rather than 2 companies of heroes. I realize many readers wanted me to focus more on the Heroes of Cauldron rather than the Travelers, especially those who haven't read the earlier story. If I'd gone into this SH with a master outline (like most good authors
) instead of just a set of pre-written modules and some characters like I did, it might have come out more balanced in terms of the development of all of the heroes. Plans are in the works.Polynike said:
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