D&D 5E Short, Funny Bard Songs Please

[rgoodbb]

Hey!
I do not like your college bard
I think that you're a big blowhard
I do not like you in my game
I do not like your songs- so lame
I do not like that you're alive
I hope you do not take a wife
I hope you don't decide to breed
Cause that's more bards we do not need

I do not think you‘re magical
I hate you and your fancy school
You're wrong about the martial class
I hope they kick your bardic a—
I do not like you in this game of ours
I'd rather live on planet Mars
And die from lack of oxygen
Than see you breathe the air of other men
Hey!

For one who professes to hate bards...

 

[Marandahir]

Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling level 8
If not for you and for your Glibness
My spells wouldn't need a second page

 

[Richards]

Here's another one from our Wednesday night campaign. It details events that occurred to our PCs, but it's probably generic enough that others can relate to it.

A SONG OF GRACE AND CHARM​

​

The voice of an angel​

From the heavens above​

A song so compelling​

A song filled with love​

​

The world all about me​

Disappeared in a blur​

I sought out the singer​

And then I found her...​

​

It was a foul-smelling, tree-dwelling, nasty, filthy harpy!​

A drab-feathered, face-weathered, nasty, filthy harpy!​

A lice-embugged, droopy-dugged, nasty, filthy harpy!​

With the face of a hag and a smell to make you gag!​

​

A song of perfection​

A voice filled with charm​

A promise of contentment​

Where you'd come to no harm​

​

I looked all about me​

My friends heard it, too​

They sought out the singer​

Down to us she flew...​

​

It was a nerve-wracking, ransacking, attacking harpy!​

A claw-gripping, gut-ripping, blood-dripping harpy!​

A chest-baring, skin-tearing, overbearing harpy!​

And as she advanced, we just stood there, entranced​

​

A song of satisfaction​

Pouring over us like rain​

The sweet-sounding lyrics​

Turned into cries of pain​

​

It was a pursuing, undoing, rescuing paladin!​

A sword-slicing, heart-splicing, sacrificing paladin!​

A tithe-paying, oft-praying, harpy-slaying paladin!​

He saved us anew, that's what paladins do​

Johnathan

 

[W'rkncacnter]