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Spring Ceramic DM™: WINNER POSTED!
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<blockquote data-quote="Piratecat" data-source="post: 1485474" data-attributes="member: 2"><p><span style="color: Orange"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong>Judgment of Match 1-5: <a href="http://www.enworld.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1474878&postcount=200" target="_blank">Tzor</a> vs. <a href="http://www.enworld.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1476686&postcount=223" target="_blank">Zhaneel</a>.</strong></span></span></p><p></p><p><strong><u>Maldur:</u></strong></p><p></p><p>Again mighty hard, But the twist at the end made my choice for me.</p><p></p><p>Zhaneel get my vote.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><u>Arwink:</u></strong></p><p></p><p>Tzor – Little Jimmy</p><p></p><p>Short, sweet and still showing the occasional rough edge, Tzor manages to turn in one of the quickest tales I’ve read in this competition. An interesting concept, but it looses something due to its quick pace. Short short fiction is always hard to balance in this respect, and Tzor does a fair job with it, but ultimately the narrative tension is dissipated before it even gets a chance to build up. A little more fleshing out, the introduction of some kind of impediment to the narrator’s quest for understanding what’s going on, and this would be a great quick read.</p><p></p><p>Zhaneel</p><p></p><p>Zhaneel's story has a really dark undertone that subverts the usual expectations for this kind of story, and it manages to handle its premise more effectively than many that try this kind of twist. It reads a little flatly – there are a number of passive sentences that could be tightened, but on the whole it holds together well and does what it sets out to do. I did like the picture use in this story, although the conversion of the first image into a throwaway metaphor rather than a story element is either brilliant or a quick escape, depending on the point of view the reader chooses to take. While the description itself flashes by, at its core it is a large part of what drives the character and its influence is felt through the story.</p><p></p><p>The Judgment</p><p></p><p>Another close round here, mostly because the stories are different enough that drawing any real basis for comparison between them becomes tricky. In the end I gave the round to Zhaneel – the type of story she’s written up isn’t normally something that I go for, but it’s done in such a way that I enjoyed it. The subtext of fantasy heroes being driven by a desire to be noticed more than anything else is great, and I think the story itself is an idea worth toying with and fleshing out.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><u>Piratecat:</u></strong></p><p></p><p>Tzor's tale is possibly the shortest I've seen, and it's quite good considering its length. This is also part of its weakness, though, because the brevity doesn't leave any space for drama or action. Events are relayed in general terms and summarized as if from a distance, and so the story is less immediate and gripping than it could be. Even Jimmy remains a plot device, not a person, so we don't grow to care about him.</p><p></p><p>Despite this, it remains a nice, compact bit of fiction; I wouldn't have believed you if you told me you could cover all four photos in less than a thousand words. Photo use is okay, with no one photo being used in an especially outstanding way.</p><p></p><p></p><p>When I first read Zhaneel's story, I went through a couple of stages: delight at the girl who was effectively invisible, disappointment when I thought it was going to turn into a traditional "girl enters new world to come of age and find herself," and glee when the end turned tricky. This was good writing; it played with the reader's expectations quite nicely, using literary jujitsu to take a cliche' and make it transcend expectations.</p><p></p><p>Photo use ranged from staid (the robes, the stairs) to creative (crocodile) to completely unexpected (camoflage as a metaphor.) </p><p></p><p>I was extremely impressed by how compact Tzor's story was; I know that I could't have written something that good in that many words. Nevertheless, better picture use and a good premise/ending give Zhaneel my vote.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>FINAL JUDGMENT:</strong> 3 out of 3 for Zhaneel, who will go on to the second round.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Piratecat, post: 1485474, member: 2"] [COLOR=Orange][size=3][b]Judgment of Match 1-5: [url=http://www.enworld.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1474878&postcount=200]Tzor[/url] vs. [url=http://www.enworld.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1476686&postcount=223]Zhaneel[/url].[/b][/size][/COLOR][size=3][b][/b][/size] [b][u]Maldur:[/u][/b] Again mighty hard, But the twist at the end made my choice for me. Zhaneel get my vote. [b][u]Arwink:[/u][/b] Tzor – Little Jimmy Short, sweet and still showing the occasional rough edge, Tzor manages to turn in one of the quickest tales I’ve read in this competition. An interesting concept, but it looses something due to its quick pace. Short short fiction is always hard to balance in this respect, and Tzor does a fair job with it, but ultimately the narrative tension is dissipated before it even gets a chance to build up. A little more fleshing out, the introduction of some kind of impediment to the narrator’s quest for understanding what’s going on, and this would be a great quick read. Zhaneel Zhaneel's story has a really dark undertone that subverts the usual expectations for this kind of story, and it manages to handle its premise more effectively than many that try this kind of twist. It reads a little flatly – there are a number of passive sentences that could be tightened, but on the whole it holds together well and does what it sets out to do. I did like the picture use in this story, although the conversion of the first image into a throwaway metaphor rather than a story element is either brilliant or a quick escape, depending on the point of view the reader chooses to take. While the description itself flashes by, at its core it is a large part of what drives the character and its influence is felt through the story. The Judgment Another close round here, mostly because the stories are different enough that drawing any real basis for comparison between them becomes tricky. In the end I gave the round to Zhaneel – the type of story she’s written up isn’t normally something that I go for, but it’s done in such a way that I enjoyed it. The subtext of fantasy heroes being driven by a desire to be noticed more than anything else is great, and I think the story itself is an idea worth toying with and fleshing out. [b][u]Piratecat:[/u][/b] Tzor's tale is possibly the shortest I've seen, and it's quite good considering its length. This is also part of its weakness, though, because the brevity doesn't leave any space for drama or action. Events are relayed in general terms and summarized as if from a distance, and so the story is less immediate and gripping than it could be. Even Jimmy remains a plot device, not a person, so we don't grow to care about him. Despite this, it remains a nice, compact bit of fiction; I wouldn't have believed you if you told me you could cover all four photos in less than a thousand words. Photo use is okay, with no one photo being used in an especially outstanding way. When I first read Zhaneel's story, I went through a couple of stages: delight at the girl who was effectively invisible, disappointment when I thought it was going to turn into a traditional "girl enters new world to come of age and find herself," and glee when the end turned tricky. This was good writing; it played with the reader's expectations quite nicely, using literary jujitsu to take a cliche' and make it transcend expectations. Photo use ranged from staid (the robes, the stairs) to creative (crocodile) to completely unexpected (camoflage as a metaphor.) I was extremely impressed by how compact Tzor's story was; I know that I could't have written something that good in that many words. Nevertheless, better picture use and a good premise/ending give Zhaneel my vote. [b]FINAL JUDGMENT:[/B] 3 out of 3 for Zhaneel, who will go on to the second round. [/QUOTE]
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