Star Wars: Heroes of Another Kind

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Chapter 457: Ryloth Underground

“Is there any chance...” Venda began, taking a step back and turning her active lightsaber from Marix to the six others pointing blasters at the both of them. At Marix’s side, she risked a glance to the Alraxian woman, who was a good head taller, and finished the sentence, “...that you speak Huttese?”

That didn’t seem like something very important, truthfully. Or...

Marix found herself nodding, starting to put a plan together, finally, “He said drop your weapon.”

Actually, that was a lie. He had actually said, ‘drop your weapons’, but since Marix wasn’t holding one she decided to ignore that minor detail. She couldn’t really drop her weapon, anyway...as, technically, she was that weapon. Jyren would probably have yelled at her for that thought, but it was the simple truth.

Before Venda had a chance to respond, though, Marix quickly added, “Do it.”

She didn’t say why. It was likely at least one of these thugs could speak Basic, and saying that this was the best way to track down where this Hutt was probably wasn’t the best plan. So, instead, Marix could only hope that this Jedi wasn’t an idiot, like a certain so-called-Jedi she closely identified with...

A fizzling sound echoed through the tunnel as Venda did the intelligent thing and deactivated her lightsaber. They now had only the dim lights that lined the walls to see by, but it was more than enough for Marix and she barely noticed the change. And so she had no trouble watching Venda follow up by tossing the hilt of her lightsaber to the feet of the six Hutt lackeys.

Slowly, the nearest of them, a red-skinned male Twi’lek, reached down and picked up the weapon, eyed it for a moment, then slipped it into his jacket. Then, with his blaster rifle, motioned for them to turn around, “Kapa tonka. Gorla keesa to naya. Boska!”

Understanding that, Marix started walking forward. So they were taking them to Gorla. Good. That solved that. So now the problem was figuring out what she was going to say to this Gorla the Hutt. As the six lackeys led them, at gunpoint, through the tunnels, Marix went over what she was actually doing on this damned planet again.

The Hutts were going to stay neutral in the war. That was fine. The Alraxians were, too. But...but Hutt Space was vital to any travel through the galaxy and a major section of space. And, from the sound of things, they were going to be more than neutral, actually allowing the Vong to freely pass through their space. With what Marix knew of the Vong, that was more than just neutral. But...why did this matter?

That was still bothering her because she wasn’t quite sure. It had something to do with the Peace Brigade. Those damned Vong sympathizers, most of which looked to be from Hutt space as it was. That didn’t mean that the Hutts were behind the Peace Brigade; they probably weren’t, it wasn’t there style. However, there was something there and at least one Peace Brigade ship knew of the Gateway’s location...along with who knew how many Vong. But the latter she couldn’t do anything about just yet...the former...well, maybe that was it. The thread she was following almost blindly.

“Where are they taking us?” Venda’s voice was barely a whisper, but Marix’s ears easily picked it up.

Keeping her voice just as low and hoping the human woman would actually hear, Marix whispered, “To Gorla...I assume you were looking for him, also?”

“Not directly,” the Jedi woman shook her head just slightly. It was a small enough motion to be taken as normal movement and not communication, which their escorts probably wouldn’t approve of, “I have been following rumours of a group of Vong working under Ryloth’s cities with a powerful crimelord.”

Interesting.

“Gorla is one of the Hutts who has signed a neutrality treaty with the Vong,” Marix said in the same low voice, using the Force to make sure they weren’t heard. She could tell that the six others were keeping their distance, probably because they were intelligent enough to understand the threat a Jedi could be. They probably hoped a meter or so distance would give them enough warning...it wouldn’t, but it was worth hoping for them.

“You sound like you’re going to kill him.”

Marix thought about that for a moment. In it, she noticed that the rough patches of the tunnel below their feet was hardening and becoming smoother. They were getting closer to their destination, “I do not plan to.”

“What do you plan to do?” Venda asked as they both noticed a brighter light not far ahead of them.

Again, she took time to think about that question. No, this wasn’t a good time for planning. She had to think on her toes and keep her mind clear, “Nothing yet.”

Both of them then went silent as they could see four other figures ahead of them, all humanoid and probably well armed. Guards. So here they were, the illustrious underground hideout of Gorla the Hutt...Marix wondered if the other Hutts knew Gorla was hiding underground and out of Hutt Space. They probably wouldn’t like that. The slugs were as distrustful as one another as they were everyone else, and having someone as powerful as Gorla out of sight of the rest of the Hutts had to be unsettling.

The four guards turned out to be humans, and they were in front of a large door that lined the entire corridor. Orders were shouted and Marix casually listed to a quick, heated argument between the Twi’lek and one of the humans. But then, finally, the Trandoshans that had been with them stepped closer to she and Venda and carefully searched them for weapons.

It took every ounce of control for Marix to not simply break their necks and fight her way straight to Gorla.

But she didn’t, allowing them to find that she carried no weapons at all. They also found no other weapons on Venda. Marix couldn’t help rolling her eyes. A typical Jedi. Even Jyren always carried a blaster or three with him. It was just smart. This was ignoring the fact that she had none, of course, as she didn’t need any.

“Bsha,” the Twi’lek said in a gruff voice. One of the humans moved over to a panel on the door, hitting in a key-code that Marix couldn’t see, and then the large door slowly opened upwards. There would be more of a walk before they reached wherever Gorla was, but they were in now, at least.

As they were led through the doorway into a building with finely carved walls, a stark contrast to the unfinished looking tunnels outside, Marix made sure to take in everything. Doors. Hallways. Droids. Anything that might be needed if things went south.

And they usually did.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Chapter 458: Lack of Training

The silence that held within the small sparring room was more uncomfortable that Tobias’ tail having no where to go. Master Ral seemed to be looking at him very carefully before finally saying quietly, “I apologize, but ‘Alraxian’ means nothing to me.”

That broke the uneasy silence and got a slight grin on Tobias’ face, “That’s uh...good, actually. My...my people are a bit weary of the rest of the galaxy. They generally like to keep to themselves. The few that do venture out into this part of the galaxy...well...they can hide fairly well.”

“I can see that,” the Omwati Jedi Master nodded, “I know a little of another species that has the ability to change their shape. But what I know of them suggests you are very different. They require a great deal of concentration to maintain their assumed forms. Losing this concentration means they revert back to their natural bodies. From what I have seen of you, Tobias, this is not true.”

Tobias nodded, knowing at least a bit about other species that had the ability. That was also common in Alraxians that weren’t well taught in their morphing abilities, “Keeping a shape is...easy with practice. Its getting between them that takes the work. But uh...practice can even make that simple.”

Slowly, the Jedi Master took a few steps to Tobias to look him over a bit more, “I am not sure this fully explains my earlier question, though. Unless your species is even more different than most, you should not be averse to pain or death.”

“No, no, its not that...” Tobias mumbled, shaking his head and realizing he hadn’t actually made his point, “I...it...hurts. And we can die like anything else. We are very...fragile. But. Well...if you trust me, will you do something for me?”

“That is a worrying tone, Tobias,” Master Ral said slowly, “But I have a great deal of faith in you. Despite your faults, you show much promise in your training. I asked you to explain why you seem to constantly step straight into danger rather than avoiding it...so what do you want me to do?”

Tobias bit his lower lip, thinking about what he was going to suggest. It was going to hurt. A lot. In fact, he’d never actually done it before...but he’d seen Marix do it hundreds of times. Even Jyren, once. Though he’d always been reluctant about it. But...but Toby knew he could. And it would, hopefully, put his Master’s mind at ease...after the initial shock.

Slowly, Tobias extended his right arm off to the side and looking down at the floor, “Use your lightsaber and take my arm off.”

“What?!” it was the first time Tobias had ever seen a strong emotion from his Master. He shook his head and said firmly, “I will not do that, Tobias. Whatever point you have to prove, that is not the way to do so.”

In his head, Tobias cursed Master Ral. Of course he wouldn’t do it. That was stupid. But...there wasn’t another way. Explaining it wouldn’t have the right effect and probably wouldn’t get it through right. So...fine. He hadn’t wanted to do it himself, but...

Quickly, Tobias reached down to his belt and took Jyren’s lightsaber into his left hand. A snap-hiss echoed through the small room as the blue-green blade came to life, and before his Master could stop him, Tobias gritted his teeth, closed his eyes, and cut his right arm off at the elbow.

“Tobias!”

He didn’t hear that as much as know it was said. Toby had dropped the lightsaber to the ground and fallen to his knees, nearly crying from the pain and the shock of it all. He’d known it was coming...he’d done it himself...but...it hurt...so much! He felt hands on his shoulders, the Force starting to gather around him from his Master who was obviously trying to heal the wound.

Carefully, Tobias managed to open his eyes and look to the limb on the mat next to him. The lightsaber had made a clean cut, leaving only a few specks of blue blood, though it looked like the part of his arm that was still attached hadn’t faired so well. His mind catching up to the moment through the pain, Tobias ground out, “No, Master. Don’t do anything.”

Then, somehow finding the focus he needed through the extreme pain, he closed his eyes again and remorphed his arm. In another moment, there it was, as if nothing had happened...though his jacket’s sleeve was not cut off at the elbow and ruined. When Tobias opened his eyes again, he looked first to the arm, which he was able to move without any problem. For some reason, though, he still felt a sharp pain from where the wound had been, but not evidence of it remained. How Marix could do this in a second was beyond him.

He then looked to his Master again, who was wide-eyed, and said, “That’s...that’s why...”

That had not been what he’d meant to say. It had been all he was able to say, though. His mind was still spinning. Master Ral’s eyes returned to a more normal shape, though his hands remained on the young Alraxian’s shoulders, when he finally said, “That should not be possible, Tobias.”

For a moment, he followed the Jedi Master’s gaze down to the arm that was still on the ground. He just managed a weak shrug, “It...it is...and I’m fine. See? I don’t need...I don’t need to...to dodge.”

An audible sigh escaped Master Ral, “I believe you do. As amazing as that was, you are still acting as if you’ve lost a limb.”

“Oh...well...” this was as good a time to say it as any, “I’ve uh...never done that before...only seen it...”

The Jedi Master almost looked angry...almost, “That was foolish, though. This ability to heal your wounds like that is a great one, Tobias, but you should not have to rely on it. Do you stand in the way just to show this off?”

The Omwati had to be picking up on Tobias’ mind. He had to be. And...well...maybe he was right. Maybe he did want to show off. Maybe...

“I just...” he mumbled, then shook his head and tried again, “My mother. She is...she an expert at morphing. I have seen her lose and remorph limbs in the blink of an eye and keep on fighting. It doesn’t stop her. It...it shouldn’t stop me.”

Master Ral was absorbing all of this very well. If Tobias had been a bit more clear headed, he wouldn’t have been surprised. His Master was not a fool, “You are here to train as a Jedi. I can train you in the Force. I cannot train you to do what you just did. And it seems obvious to me that a great deal of training is required to reshape your injuries as quickly as say your mother can...” he paused, then said something completely different that threw Tobias off balance, “Why did you come here as a human, Tobias?”

The question had an obvious answer.

To protect Alraxia. No one needed to know what he was or...or...what he could do. But now it was too late. So that didn’t matter to him, obviously. That was just a lie. That wasn’t the real reason. That wasn’t...

“Alraxians are stronger than humans...faster...our senses much sharper,” his mouth decided it was going to answer while the brain was left confused, “My father was human...but he can keep up with any Alraxian. I...I wanted to be able to do that.”

Master Ral helped Tobias up to his feet again, “A Jedi is more than the warrior you seem to want it to be. Everyone comes here with the stories of the great Jedi weighing on them. But that is not all we are. Yes, we can fight. And yes, we must a great deal of our lives. But the real balance is internal. You...Tobias, have to be one with the Force itself. You must hear its calls and be able to release yourself to it and allow it to guide you. Our species does not matter...the Force calls to all of us, and we must learn to hear the call and follow its guidance with all of our abilities.”

“Wait...” Tobias mumbled, “So...I should use my natural abilities? But you said you can’t train me in that...”

“No,” Master Ral shook his head, “I said that the Force calls on us and we must use everything we are to follow its call. But you cannot do that recklessly. You are not trained in this ability, Tobias, it is obvious. You could very well do more damage than harm to yourself just as you could do by attempting to use the Force without understanding it.”

“So...so you don’t want me to morph anymore?”

Again, Master Ral shook his head, “No. I want you to do what the Force calls you to do. If you are here to train as a human, you must accept those limitations. If you are here to train as...an Alraxian, then you must accept the limitations of your lack of training, there, too. Do you understand?”

“I...think so,” Tobias said quietly, managing a nod. He then took a moment to concentrate and soon he was human again. The pain in his backside being gone was a relief, “I apologize for...being so reckless.”

Slowly, the Jedi Master reached down and picked up the severed limb that was still on the floor, “You are still learning. Get some rest and we will continue tomorrow.”

Tobias nodded, then turned to the door, deciding that Master Ral would know what to do with...well...an arm. But before he got to the door, the Jedi Master spoke up again, “Toby.”

It was the first time he’d ever shortened the name. Tobias didn’t fail to notice. He stopped and turned, “Eh?”

“I will tell no one.”

Truthfully, that hadn’t even crossed Toby’s mind. Or maybe it had and Master Ral had picked up on it...or...it didn’t matter. Not now, at least.

“Thank you, Master,” Tobias bowed, managed an uneasy smile, then turned and left, wondering if Marix would kill him when she found out about this.

 

[Krafus]

I've been reading this story for some time now, and I've gotten to the middle of page 10.

First, you're great at writing prose. And the battle scenes are very detailed - you could give R.A. Salvatore a run for his money. You make those scenes very easy to visualize, and one understands why one side is winning and the other is losing. The Alraxian culture is also quite well developed, and I really felt like I was reading a Star Wars story.

However, Akan/Jyren is one of the least likeable protagonists I've read about in a while. He's come across as rather stupid and quite incompetent, especially in getting his ass kicked by BBEGs. He never seems to learn; even after doing some dumbass move, he follows it with more. Plus he seems to be inferior in every way to Marix except for piloting, which doesn't happen enough to truly make him shine. Or rather, even when he's piloting, he makes foolish decisions. And his emo/angsty routine got tiresome fast.

As for Marix, while she's obviously a bit better than Jyren skill-wise, she too seems totally incapable of matching BBEGs. Her Darkwing kicked her ass. So did the Mrraskesh, Nine and Ket. And her letting herself be abused by everyone when she arrived on Alraxia did nothing to improve my appreciation of her.

Oh, and I have to note something Marix said to Jyren after Ket's death, about how Ket would have been more valuable had he been taken alive and Jyren made a mistake in killing him. Hmm, excuse me? She and Jyren did their best in taking him down, and as usual, their best wasn't good enough. Ket was beating them, and was about to kill Marix. So exactly how was Jyren supposed to save Marix and capture him? "I'm sorry, I should have held back. We were doing so well against Ket until then, after all. I really should have come up with and implemented a viable strategy to defeat and capture him in the fraction of a second I had to react when he was about to decapitate you."

Also, the progression of the relationship between Jyren and Mirax feels very awkward and unnatural. At a certain time, I was wondering if Jyren was neutered or an eunuch; how else could he be so completely clueless as to the other aspects of the link, especially once they arrived on Alraxia?

As for Mirax, she was dishonest with Jyren from the start, first in explaining to him fully the aspects of the bond and what it means in Alraxian culture, then in admitting her feelings for him. It's as if she had to dragged and all but tortured into admitting her feelings, making it that much less convincing. And even then, she's obviously very uncomfortable with the situation. Even in her thoughts at the end of of page 9 (chapter 270), she's incapable of actually saying the word love, which IMO means she's still incapable of accepting the idea, regardless of everything that has happened between the two of them by then. If Jyren wasn't so emotionally needy in regard to the link, I would have recommended for him to ditch Marix and find someone who can be honest with others and herself as to her feelings instead of needing to be raked over coals before admitting anything.

Mind you, I'm not saying that you should have put in something that would have shocked Eric's grandmother, but more acceptance of the idea - or even of their mutual attraction -, along with some physical signs of affection, would IMO have gone a long way into making their relationship feel more genuine.

Gah. I'm sorry if this read like a long rant. I actually enjoyed reading the story - I just can't help but point out the areas where IMO some modifications would have made it even better.

Oh, and if I haven't made you too angry, I was wondering what were Ket and Nine's stats? I'm always interested in high-level characters.

 

[Angcuru]

Would you rather he wrote it so that Akan/Jyren and Marix/Shadow were perfectly balanced and likeable individuals with no real emotional or psychological issues? I wouldn't, it's these quirks that make them interesting to read about. I also really like how they're almost always outmatched, it fits in well with the 'underdog' feeling evoked in the original Star Wars trilogy. Honestly, would you want them to be able to overcome every obstacle they encounter with little to no effort?

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

I've been reading this story for some time now, and I've gotten to the middle of page 10.

First, you're great at writing prose. And the battle scenes are very detailed - you could give R.A. Salvatore a run for his money. You make those scenes very easy to visualize, and one understands why one side is winning and the other is losing. The Alraxian culture is also quite well developed, and I really felt like I was reading a Star Wars story.

Those are some very big compliments, thank you. I honestly worry about the combat a lot when I'm writing it, wondering if its too detailed. So it feels great to know that its working.

As for the other things...lets see if I can help out a bit with it.

However, Akan/Jyren is one of the least likeable protagonists I've read about in a while. He's come across as rather stupid and quite incompetent, especially in getting his ass kicked by BBEGs. He never seems to learn; even after doing some dumbass move, he follows it with more. Plus he seems to be inferior in every way to Marix except for piloting, which doesn't happen enough to truly make him shine. Or rather, even when he's piloting, he makes foolish decisions. And his emo/angsty routine got tiresome fast.

Most all of Jyren's problems end up trailing back to losing Mare. I wouldn't really call it emo, as he has a very good reason for being so screwed up, but that's exactly what happened. He allowed himself to become so attached to one person, that losing them pretty much destroyed him. Tiresome? Maybe, but its just who he is. A great deal of all of this is him slowly finding a way PAST that, which is much easier said than done.

Its not that he's stupid, either, but he has a habit of thinking with his heart before his brain can get a word in edgewise. He's very, very idealistic and has a strong sense of right and wrong, and acts on that. In that sense, he's the polar opposite of Marix, who is the complete LACK of emotion. So all of his decisions are coated by that and it means he does far too many things that look dumb to everyone but make perfect sense to him.

Marix IS better than him, purely in the sense of fighting skill. She was born and trained as a weapon to kill, then her clone got similar training...so you have two killers in ONE body. Jyren, though, is much more of a self-made person and so his skills are naturally inferior. His only real training was in piloting and a smattering of Special Ops that he ran from quickly, anyway. So its all being made up as he goes along. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But he usually manages to pull through when he needs to.

As for Marix, while she's obviously a bit better than Jyren skill-wise, she too seems totally incapable of matching BBEGs. Her Darkwing kicked her ass. So did the Mrraskesh, Nine and Ket. And her letting herself be abused by everyone when she arrived on Alraxia did nothing to improve my appreciation of her.

To be truthful, she WAS the Darkwing and there really was nothing she could have done on that end. Mrrakesh are to Alraxians what Alraxians are to Humans...stronger, faster, and pretty much a hundred times more dangerous. The fact that she could fight one and survive says a great deal. And though that might not have been clear right away, things being hit now will start to shed more light on the Mrrakesh.

Nine and Ket are both similar cases...with Nine, essentially, being an insane version of herself and not worried about a damned thing. By the time Marix is really dealing with Nine, she's worrying about Jyren and not the same old killer that Nine still is. Ket is better than her, though. He is, essentially, what she was: the best of the Tam'day'u, except that his time capture by the Mrrakesh made him bitter and (more) violent. For both Ket and Nine, its their anger and need for revenge that makes them so dangerous and powerful.

As for the abuse on Alraxia...Marix took that because she's supposed to. Tam'day'u are inferior, supposedly. Cursed scum. She was raised like that, despite the feelings of her parents towards that. Her attitude changed completely there because that was how she knew it was supposed to be, and Faban didn't help the situation at all.

Oh, and I have to note something Marix said to Jyren after Ket's death, about how Ket would have been more valuable had he been taken alive and Jyren made a mistake in killing him. Hmm, excuse me? She and Jyren did their best in taking him down, and as usual, their best wasn't good enough. Ket was beating them, and was about to kill Marix. So exactly how was Jyren supposed to save Marix and capture him? "I'm sorry, I should have held back. We were doing so well against Ket until then, after all. I really should have come up with and implemented a viable strategy to defeat and capture him in the fraction of a second I had to react when he was about to decapitate you."

It is a constant storytelling cliche that the good guys are out of their league, so that's really one reason it keeps popping up. But another is because these aren't the best of the best. Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie...they are the #1 group of Star Wars. Even at the time of this story, those four are out there doing thier thing and being heroes. Of course, they can't handle or even know about everything...so you get others stepping up. The idea, really, was that this is the second string, as it were, stepping up to deal with first string style problems.

As for her anger at him for killing Ket...she didn't want to kill him. Marix had the chance to do that before, but stopped herself. She saw Ket as what she could have been, and started to actually want to find a way other than killing him, not that she had any ideas, to get out of the situation. And she probably wouldn't have been so angry with Jyren had he not let HIS anger take control of his actions.

Remember, the Dark Side can make a person strong, but it can also make a person do something they wouldn't otherwise. While Marix, herself, has different beliefs in the Force, seeing Jyren's reaction was enough to make anyone angry. He very much crossed a line and, unlike others(say...Anakin Skywalker), his own fear of it didn't drive him farther INTO it, but AWAY from it.

Also, the progression of the relationship between Jyren and Mirax feels very awkward and unnatural. At a certain time, I was wondering if Jyren was neutered or an eunuch; how else could he be so completely clueless as to the other aspects of the link, especially once they arrived on Alraxia?

We have a near-suicidal human that, three years later, is STILL overly attached to the girl he loved and a trained assassin who was brought up where her earliest training was in rejecting her emotions. Its basically the couple from hell.

The simple fact is that Jyren was still stuck in the past. Marix was his friend that helped keep him alive, and never would be anything because...because that's what Mare was. Jyren is the kind of person that probably should have been locked up in some mental hospital for years, to be honest.

As for Mirax, she was dishonest with Jyren from the start, first in explaining to him fully the aspects of the bond and what it means in Alraxian culture, then in admitting her feelings for him. It's as if she had to dragged and all but tortured into admitting her feelings, making it that much less convincing. And even then, she's obviously very uncomfortable with the situation. Even in her thoughts at the end of of page 9 (chapter 270), she's incapable of actually saying the word love, which IMO means she's still incapable of accepting the idea, regardless of everything that has happened between the two of them by then. If Jyren wasn't so emotionally needy in regard to the link, I would have recommended for him to ditch Marix and find someone who can be honest with others and herself as to her feelings instead of needing to be raked over coals before admitting anything.

She wasn't really dishonest as much as just didn't have time to worry about it. As for the rest, and especially with the whole feelings thing...they're alien to her. They don't make sense, and, honestly, they're terrifying. Happiness, anger, and the other basic emotions aren't that bad. But when you get into something like love, well, its something competely different. There is such a strong attachment and vulnerability that goes with it that its like nothing Marix had ever experienced. She is so internal that having to open up, even though they share a link, it a lot to come to grips with.

And a lot of it, for Marix especially, is having to say things. Words can't grasp concepts like love at all, and the only reason she really uses that word is because its the closest she can come up with even though its so far away from it. Their love for each other is extremely strong, but that, alone, makes it so much harder for someone like Marix to make any sense of. If not for the link, it probably wouldn't have worked out. Words aren't needed that way, even if Jyren gravitates towards them because that's his comfort zone.

Mind you, I'm not saying that you should have put in something that would have shocked Eric's grandmother, but more acceptance of the idea - or even of their mutual attraction -, along with some physical signs of affection, would IMO have gone a long way into making their relationship feel more genuine.

See page 7...end of Chap 211 and then 212. Course, there's all the events leading up to it, especially the whole "Three Full Moons" thing.

But the best explanation is really:
[sblock]But when she started for the door, she noticed that Jyren didn’t go anywhere. Stopping just two steps later, Shadow turned back around and asked what had to be asked, “What is it...?”

At first, he just shrugged. Then, smart enough to remember the link provided at least some insight for her, Jyren gave in and asked an honest question, “Why couldn’t this have happened months ago instead of now when you have to just run off like this?”

Ah. That. Carefully, Shadow walked back over to him and somewhat awkwardly drew him into a hug. She spoke in a quiet voice, “For one...we were children.”

“Well, yeah but...” he trailed off, returning the hug as he tried his last fight against reality, “...I should have said something a long time ago.”

“I should have, too,” Shadow admitted, pulling back a little to look him in the eyes, “But neither of us did. And besides, it might not have meant a thing then. You were still very caught up with Mare and I...well...I barely understand any of this right now, so I know it would have gone right over me before.”

“So we get a few hours and then that’s it?” Jyren asked, voicing a thought that was as much hers as it was his own.

But Shadow shrugged, “A few hours is better than not at all, right?”[/sblock]

Gah. I'm sorry if this read like a long rant. I actually enjoyed reading the story - I just can't help but point out the areas where IMO some modifications would have made it even better.

Oh, and if I haven't made you too angry, I was wondering what were Ket and Nine's stats? I'm always interested in high-level characters.

Not angry at all and its all good. I love reading what other people think on things, and, honestly, its an excuse for me to jump back and skim a few parts while diving back into Marix and Jyren's motivations. This has moved a bit past that time by now, and I have to admit, one of my favourite parts of all of this is the awkwardness of Jyren and Marix falling in love. Sure, it isn't ideal, but that's the point. These are two very screwed up people.

On the stats end...give me a couple days and I'll see what I can find. Need to dig through old info and see.

 

[Krafus]

Thanks for the thorough answer, AMG. And, too thanks in advance for the stats. If you can't find them, an approximation of classes, levels and ability scores will be just fine.

Now I understand a bit more about why Jyren and Mirax act the way they do... But all the same, all those issues they have, both individually and as a couple, makes it quite hard to empathize with them. And if one can't empathize with the protagonists, it's difficult to muster the enthusiasm to keep reading.

That's the realization that leapt at me as I read your post - I like this story despite Jyren and Mirax and not because of them, which IMO is not as it should be. I've always viewed characters as the most important part of a story, and while your characterization is spot-on given your explanations about Jyren and Mirax, it also makes them rather difficult to like or just empathize with. It's only because of the quality of your writing that I kept going.

As to their relationship, it also makes more sense with your post. You mention that one of your favourite parts in all this is the awkwardness of Jyren and Mirax falling in love. Well and good. But it starts becoming a problem when it feels like it's only awkwardness between them.

Part of the problem is that the two short moments you mentioned aren't enough to compensate. After so many hints and innuendoes, so many struggles and lies and misunderstandings, after so much having happened (and after having read so many thousands of words), to only have an awkward moonlight kiss and a "fade to black" one-night stand as tangible proof of their feelings for each other is rather frustrating. It feels like being fed crumbs when one has spent days starved for a meal, like receiving a rusted iron medal when one has done an Olympic-level performance (in this case, slogging through the seemingly interminable awkward buildup of Jyren and Marix's relationship).

I call this the "Lost" modus operandi - it seems that tv show's producers thought that they could hint and tease and never deliver anything substantial, and viewers would keep coming back. Instead, Lost has, well, lost a lot of viewers who got fed up with only being fed crumbs. I can still remember my disappointment at the end of the first season. "That's it? That's all? Sorry guys, you can feed me crumbs throughout the season, but I expect a full meal in the finale." I quit watching Lost then and there.

I might have done the same with this story, though by then I was reading more for the plot and fighting scenes than for the characters. Still, a satisfying "reward" in the relationship department might have compensated for the characters getting regularly trounced in fights.

And this leads me to my reply to Angcuru's post. No, I wouldn't want Jyren and Marix to be perfectly balanced and likeable and all that. The problem is that, for me at least, they come across as the exact opposite - characters who are ultimately inadequate at everything they undertake. I don't mind them being underdogs. I do mind them being inept underdogs whose defeat is practically a foregone conclusion. By page 10, I no longer wonder whether Marix and Jyren will be able to defeat difficult opponents - I wonder how long it will take them to lose, and what will happen to save them after they get their asses kicked.

Also, I've thought about Alraxian society a little. The Alraxians seem to be, if you don't mind my saying, all but begging for conquest by the Mrrakesh. The more I think about it, the more I can't understand why they don't have more military forces, or at least more people trained in the arts of warfare. While the Alraxians seem be allied with other species against the Mrrakesh, alliances can change quickly, and the Alraxians could quickly find themselves isolated and alone againt their ancient foe.

By the middle of page 10, Jyren and Marix are preparing to leave Alraxia - because now the Mrrakesh know where its location, and will want to kill Jyren and force Marix to marry their prince. Essentially, it seems the Mrrakesh can now do whatever they want to Alraxia, whenever they want. Given the Mrrakesh people's apparent disposition toward Alraxia, I can't help but think that conquest, or at least serious probes and battles, can't be far off.

Loving peace is well and good, but considering that a single Mrrakesh is a match for three battle-trained Alraxians (maybe even more considering that one outfought Marix and Jyren), for the Alraxians to rely on alliances and the secrecy of their capital to defend them strikes me as quite foolish and short-sighted. And now that the Mrrakesh obviously know the location of Alraxia, their legitimate ruler is forced to flee in order to escape forced marriage and avoid the death of her consort as a perfectly predictable consequence of the Alraxians' (lack of) planning.

Damn, I wrote a lot...

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Chapter 459: Injured

Four Yuuzhan Vong warriors dropped to the relentless blaster fire...and then the remaining Vong warriors charged straight into the troopers. The small group of soldiers that had taken up the center of the street as a huge number of civilians hid in the alleys was suddenly overwhelmed by huge warriors, amphistaves swinging in first. The two troopers at Rulae’s shoulders dropped first, as they were the ones up front. Somehow, Rulae managed to raise his rifle enough to put a blaster bolt through the face of the warrior attempting to cleave him in two.

The body fell on him, the amphistaff’s snake-like head hissing loudly before it hit the ground. The weight of the body threw Rulae to the ground, giving him a perfect view of the flashes of red blaster bolts going straight over him. The air filled with screams more than anything else, and Rulae’s vision was blurred by Vong moving over him...through the troopers. Through them.

And he couldn’t move. Partly because of the corpse that had fallen on him, and partly because...he couldn’t make himself move. They were being slaughtered. Torn through like they were nothing. It was then that Rulae realized the world was a blur to him. Maybe that was why he couldn’t move...he couldn’t really see or...or...his brain alerted him to a sharp pain that had been in his leg since he’d fallen. Slow to react...

Somehow, Rulae managed to look down and next to the corpse that was crushing him, was the dead warrior’s amphistaff. From its vicious fangs, a dangerous looking good dripped...and then Rulae realized it had bit him before going dormant once released from its wielder. It was poison. Of course it was poison. That was why the other warriors simply stepped over him to the rest of the troopers. He was dead already. Dead already...

...but he wasn’t. No. No, he could feel the numbness in his leg but it wasn’t killing him and...and it wasn’t spreading up his leg either. It was just in that one spot. Just below his right knee. He still felt a bit off but was able to think clearly...more or less. Realizing that the poison wasn’t spreading, he turned to look what was, to him, up.

He saw the feet of Vong warriors, now a good five meters away and moving fast. They were charging after a distant group of New Republic troopers. They were charging...away. He looked to the nearby alleys where many of the civilians had gone and saw no Vong there. The troopers that had survived had run, and they were drawing the Vong away, whether they meant to or not...but the civilians weren’t moving and...

Rulae called all the strength he could to force the Vong’s body off of him, then got up quickly, fell over thanks to putting too much weight on a leg that currently couldn’t support it, then tried again. When he was up, he could recognize the bodies of the troopers around him. All but two were there. The rest, the ones that lay around him, were in pieces.

Pushing this out of his mind, Rulae turned to the nearest of the alleys and saw a human looking straight at him. In a strained voice, Rulae called out, “We need to move now!”

It took encouraging and repeating of this over and over before anyone did. But soon, the large group of civilians were returning to the street and trying not to look at the bloody scene in the middle of it all. Not liking this situation and realizing he couldn’t move fast enough, he said to the now-gathered group, “Anyone that can pick up a blaster right now. There’s transports on the ground east of here. Just follow this road straight out of the city until you reach them.”

“I’m not a solider,” though one of the civilians said that, most were probably thinking of it. Thankfully, Rulae saw many of them reaching to the bodies on the ground and retrieving weapons.

He didn’t like say any of it, but he had to, “I’m injured. I can’t keep with the pace that you all need. You all need to move as fast as you can. Anyone with weapons needs to stay around the others just in case. Do you all understand?”

There were, of course, many still protesting this. But those with weapons seemed to be understanding well enough. In a short amount of time, they were running...all of them. Rulae watched them go, then turned back to where the Vong had gone. He couldn’t abandon this fight. He was a pilot...but not right now. This city was burning. This city was dying. Gydine was dying.

And good soldiers were still on it. He wasn’t about to just run off with them still fighting...injured or not.

So, hefting his own rifle up, he limped down the street and back into the fight.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

I do have to say I really love this kind of discussion. I like talking about these characters so much and don't really get the chance to. Let this be a word to any and all others...SPEAK UP DAMMIT!

Now I understand a bit more about why Jyren and Mirax act the way they do... But all the same, all those issues they have, both individually and as a couple, makes it quite hard to empathize with them. And if one can't empathize with the protagonists, it's difficult to muster the enthusiasm to keep reading.

That's the realization that leapt at me as I read your post - I like this story despite Jyren and Mirax and not because of them, which IMO is not as it should be. I've always viewed characters as the most important part of a story, and while your characterization is spot-on given your explanations about Jyren and Mirax, it also makes them rather difficult to like or just empathize with. It's only because of the quality of your writing that I kept going.

That last sentence there is a very very big compliment and leaves me at a loss. I'm not good with compliments.

Though I do have to agree with liking it despite the two longest running characters isn't as it should be...to a point, it makes sense. To be truthful, the name "Heroes of Another Kind" wasn't just a random title. These guys aren't really heroes. Jyren wants to be, sure, and damn well tries but he fails over and over before he ever really comes through. While I will admit that is a very un-Star Wars quality, it is a much more realistic quality.

To be honest, Jyren has a great deal of me in him, which can account for the failings. He may want to be a hero, a great warrior to save the day...but he's so idealistic that he loses sight of what's right in front of him. When this all starts, he's on that path. Everything is perfect and probably would have continued that way had nothing happened...but something always does, and it threw him off completely.

So, I guess it could be said that you shouldn't like him, at least not early on. Marix is much the same way, being what would really be a better BBEG type than a main character. But at the point you've reached is where the changes in both of them have really started. Sure, they've been happening slowly the entire time, but their coming together is the real push for both of them to start being something else entirely.

As to their relationship, it also makes more sense with your post. You mention that one of your favourite parts in all this is the awkwardness of Jyren and Mirax falling in love. Well and good. But it starts becoming a problem when it feels like it's only awkwardness between them.

Part of the problem is that the two short moments you mentioned aren't enough to compensate. After so many hints and innuendoes, so many struggles and lies and misunderstandings, after so much having happened (and after having read so many thousands of words), to only have an awkward moonlight kiss and a "fade to black" one-night stand as tangible proof of their feelings for each other is rather frustrating. It feels like being fed crumbs when one has spent days starved for a meal, like receiving a rusted iron medal when one has done an Olympic-level performance (in this case, slogging through the seemingly interminable awkward buildup of Jyren and Marix's relationship).

Truthfully, the buildup to their relationship was there from the beginning. There are small moments here and there through it all, even much earlier, that bring them closer despite their own difficulties. Admittedly, they are subtle but they're definitely there. Jyren, himself, starts to realize he's falling for her but pushes it away due to still not wanting to let go of the past.

But that's the thing about them. There aren't really lies at all...but a ton of misunderstandings. Most come from Marix but she was a child then, and children make stupid choices for stupid reasons. They don't understand things they do. And, to get a bit technical, when Alraxians grow up so fast in the way they do, their body is essentially flooded with hormones...its like puberty in a matter of hours instead of over years. So, for obvious reasons, that only adds to the confusion and she's going to make even worse decisions because of all the chaos going on with her.

But through all of the problems they still manage to trust one another. I can understand it being hard to see early on for the two of them, especially since Marix is so unused to being close to anyone. She wants to be, but doesn't understand how to be and so takes her cues from Jyren through the link...which, for obvious reasons, isn't the best place to learn anything.

There is a point farther along in the story, about a page or so back from here I believe, that solidifies this trust. Maybe it started weak. And, in a way, they were forced together. But it wasn't unwilling, as they both just needed that push and then, over time, learned how to actually be truly together. Of course, this takes time and isn't instant, which to me is the essence of realism.

What Jyren and Marix have is a connection that transcends the little things. The hard part for me in writing anything between them is the strength of their relationship is unspoken. There aren't words to even closely describe it, and they know that, too. It sounds cliche, but that's how it is for them. Strong feelings just don't have equivalents when it comes to words, so I'm a bit stuck on that end. So methinks a failure here, for me, is maybe a lack of pushing that part, though I'm still somewhat unsure of HOW to.

But if it makes you feel better, I was never a big fan of Lost.

I might have done the same with this story, though by then I was reading more for the plot and fighting scenes than for the characters. Still, a satisfying "reward" in the relationship department might have compensated for the characters getting regularly trounced in fights.

Another big compliment.

This is a bit of tease, but maybe the reward you're hoping for is a little later in the story. There are definitely a few huge changes in Jyren and Marix's relationship that come later...HUGE ones, and they might very well be that reward. As for geting trounced well...that actually goes away some, too. Early on there aren't as many fights against mook types. You get lots of very dangerous enemies that are specifically aimed to kill them...while later on there start to be more mooks meant for tearing through, and Marix does her fair share of that.

I think the thing to really keep in mind with both of them is that they're still very young. By the point you're at in the story, Jyren's barely over twenty years old. Mare died when he was a teenager. Marix is physically older but technically even younger than him when you get down to the age comparisons. So they're both going to make some very, very stupid childish decisions that make them look inept...that's what young people do. There's a reason so many swear of teenagers and young adults.

As for the notes on Alraxia...very smart observations. They're also things that become very important at the point the story is at now. The only thing that I feel worth mentioning(as you're dead on right with most all of it), is that the Alraxian Empire is very stable. The other species in it are comfortable in the system and it operates as a utopia, of sorts. That can cause problems, but the one thing they don't have to worry about is any of the species within the Empire defecting, as it were, to the Mrrakesh.

Damn, I wrote a lot...

Not a thing wrong with that.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Chapter 460: Flashback...Flashforward

It was terrifying to watch him twisting and turning next to her. He was mumbling things that weren’t words, as far as she could tell, but sometimes real words would slip through and they were worse than the incoherent ones. But then, after nearly an hour of it, he took in a sudden, sharp breath and his blue eyes shot wide open.

Marix slowly reached over and put a hand on his chest, trying to help to slow his breathing as best she could and calm him down. Of course, she didn’t say anything, but that was far from unusual for her.

There were a few long moments as he calmed down, before turning and looking up to where she sat next to him. Somewhat confused at seeing her, from the look on his face at least, Jyren asked, “Shouldn’t you...be asleep?”

An odd smile crossed Marix’s face and she patted his chest gently, “Shouldn’t you?”

At first he just nodded but then sap up a bit, himself. His eyes shifted down from her face a bit and he mumbled, “Yes...but...you...”

Marix rolled her eyes and placed a hand where his eyes had gone, “I am pregnant, Jyren...not stupid. However it is hard to sleep at all when you are panicking...”

A few more deep breaths from Jyren and his breathing finally returned to normal. She was proud of him for that. Maybe he had been listening all these years after all. He then managed to look apologetic, and despite knowing she wouldn’t like it, said, “I’m sorry. Just...just dreams.”

“Usually your dreams don’t last that long,” Marix responded carefully, “And I haven’t seen or felt you that panicked from a dream since Arranis.”

“You still remember that?” he actually looked surprised.

She nodded, “I remember you clung to me like Toby does to you when you woke up.”

“And you said it was just a dream,” Jyren said quietly, more to himself really.

Again, she nodded, then her hand moved up to his shoulder. Through their link, she could feel that while his breathing had calmed, his mind was still racing, “What did you see?”

Jyren lowered his head, his hair clouding his face from her, and did his best to remember without really experiencing it again, “War. I...I think it was Mrrakesh. I don’t know though...something...they were...” he trailed off a moment, then looked her in the eyes while resting a hand on her belly, “They killed our children. I...I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move. It felt so far away and...and...I couldn’t do anything.”

As he was explaining, some of the images he could remember were slipping through the link to Marix. The images were vague and hard to understand, as dreams normally were, but she could sense the feeling of being unable to get close. It like being trapped and she realized that he couldn’t actually see them...instead, he felt it. Very carefully, she rested her hand on his and squeezed it gently. Sadly, the best thing she could think to say was, “It was a dream, Jyren...just a dream.”

He managed a nod, wanting to believe that and doing his best to agree, then leaned his head back to rest it against the wall behind their bed. Technically, the wall and the bed were connected...but that was how most all of Alraxian furniture was. After watching him sit like that for a few minutes, Marix patted his hand and nudged him slightly through the Force, “C’mon...back to sleep with you. Alyx is going to need your help tommorrow.”

Jyren slid back down to rest his head on the pillow but mumbled, “Yes, mother.”

That got him a not-so-gently kick in the side, but an actual laugh from Marix accompanied that, “Keep that kind of talk up and you can have the floor like you wanted years ago.”

“Awww...” he grinned and then used this opportunity to slide close and rest his head on her shoulder, “I thought you said the floor was for bad little jai like Toby.”

“I did...” she grinned and scratched his ear gently, “And you agreed, so be a good one and get some sleep.”

He didn’t argue. Finally. And, in a few moments, he’d fallen back asleep. Marix didn’t get any sleep that night. She sat awake with Jyren resting against her, keeping an eye on him the rest of the night. She hadn’t been tired anyway. So as he slept, she made sure he didn’t have any more dreams like the one from before, trying to keep as many calming thoughts flowing through the link to help. But in another corner of her mind, well protected from the link, Marix found herself worrying about his dream. Worrying about their unborn twins....and deciding to keep a close eye on the Mrrakesh.

Marix blinked.

There were many times that she hated the Force. It had a habit of stepping in right in the middle of something important and showing you something completely the opposite. Or at least, something important but not really relevant to the immediate situation which was usually quite important in its own right. It didn’t help when it returned you to the current moment to a pair of large, bulbous eyes on an oversized slug that was in the process of what could very well have been sizing her up.

She had never liked Hutts. The slug part was bad enough. Smell came with that, and Alraxians having a good sense of smell made it even worse for her. But, beyond that, they reminded her of the Mrrakesh. Greedy, selfish, and downright untrustworthy. The fact that many seemed to have a thing for slaves never made her very much of a friend to them, either. She had a problem with slavery on the whole, anyway, but as many were dancing girls and other such females it was never easy to face a Hutt like that without wondering if the damned slug would try to capture her in the process.

In fact, it had been tried before.

That Hutt had been killed.

But from the way Gorla was currently eyeing both Marix and the human woman next to her, Venda, she detected that he was seeing something different. Money, perhaps. Then again, Marix couldn’t really tell. Hutts were naturally resilient against the Force and hard to read with more normal methods.

“You have been wandering in places you should not be, little ones,” as Gorla was a younger Hutt, he was actually not that large at all and still able to move with ease under his own power. Also, his voice was not as deep and booming as many of the older members of his species. What surprised Marix the most, however, was that he was speaking in Basic. Many Hutts considered their own language a thing of beauty and wouldn’t think of conversing in anything else, especially Basic.

“You are in a place you should not be,” Marix said with her arms crossed over her chest. She kept her self aware of the room around her. It was a large chamber with Gorla ‘throne’, as it were, at one wall and tables along the others. The center was an open area for speakers, dancers, or whatever there was. All of the walls, the floors, and the ceiling, were well carved stone straight from the cave it was built from. Around them were various members of so many species that Marix didn’t even bother to count...maybe of which were aiming blasters at the two newcomers.

Her comment got a slow laugh from the Hutt. He waved a stubby hand at her and smiled broadly, “Bold statement, Cathar...” Marix ignored this insult, and just decided it wasn’t important that he had no idea what species she was, “...tell me. What are a Jedi and an animal doing down in these tunnels so far from where they should be?”

Marix’s eyes narrowed and she didn’t give Venda a chance to answer, “You made a deal with the Vong, Gorla. I want to know what you’re getting out of that deal.”

Again, Gorla laughed...but this time, most of the spectators did, too. Once he recovered, the Hutt’s smile remained, “Why should I tell you anything?”

This time, Marix smiled. Now she had a plan. Gorla obviously was asking her, in a subtle way, what she had to offer. She then nodded to Venda, “You can have this Jedi in exchange for telling me what I want to know.”

“What?!” Venda yelped when she said this, and to stop her from doing anything else, Marix’s arm shot out and grabbed the smaller human by the back of the neck. Her hand wrapped around and was left in a position to dig her claws right in should the need arise.

As Marix pushed the human woman down to the ground like this, the Hutt laughed yet again, “Jedi are very capable...they do not keep well. And I have no reason to trust that you are not lying to me.”

“She tried to kill me before your men put blasters on both of us,” Marix growled, adding to this by squeezing Venda’s neck tightly and getting a cry out of the woman. With her free hand, Marix pointed to the group that had brought them in, “Ask them.”

Gorla did.

And, somewhat slowly, the six that had caught them acknowledged that it had looked like the Jedi was going to attack Marix.

There was a long few moments where the only sound in the room was Venda’s laboured breathing. Then, finally, Gorla looked Marix in the eye, “I like you, Cathar,” he made a hand motion to the side then two of the larger Trandoshan stepped over to take Venda.

Marix, however, beared her fangs and growled angrily at the both of them, causing the two large lizards to stop and turn to Gorla in surprise. Before anything else could be said, Marix also looked back to the Hutt, “You may like me, Hutt, but I don’t trust you. Answer my questions, then I give you the Jedi.”

When she said ‘Jedi’, Marix gave a good kick to Venda’s spine to make sure she didn’t try anything to make this difficult. It seemed like the kick was perfect, though, as Gorla’s expression changed from angry to that damned smile again.

“I do not trust you, either,” he said in a deeper voice this time, “But you may ask your questions.”

 

[Krafus]

Well, I've finished chapter 336...

I've gone from not liking Marix for not telling Jyren all the implications of the bond to despising Jyren for being a sullen, whiny brat. Plus his refusal to use the Force was rather stupid. He's already enough of a loser in combat, and now he wants to further diminish what little effectiveness he has? In previous posts I said that Jyren should ditch Marix. Now I think it should be the opposite.

Loki's comment about how Marix and Jyren had been intimate on a previous night made me both glad and sad. Glad because it seems they're loosening up about that sort of thing. Sad because we didn't get to see a single moment. Mind you, as I said before, you shouldn't put in something that would shock Eric's grandmother, but a scene where they decide to do it and start embracing, followed by a fade-to-black, would have been nice. As it is, I still feel cheated of perhaps the most interesting part of the relationship, which is quite frustrating while enduring Jyren's whining.

Jyren's fight with Jen... I think it was the first time he actually read like a winner. Unfortunately, it was of course too good to last. Instead of finishing his enemy quickly, he lets her live, and in comes the Darkwing. Then Jyren goes from winner to his usual loser habits in an eyeblink. Btw, why didn't he at least try to dodge the Darkwing? Did he roll really low on initiative or the Darkwing rolled a critical?

Looks like Jyren finally got the closure he needed with Mare. Hopefully it will make him less petulant in the future.