Chapter 498: Recovery
Tobias sat quietly in the small room that Venda had turned into a medical ward. Next to him, on a small bed, was Master Ral, unconscious still but stable. Venda had tried to get Tobias to rest, also, but he wouldn’t and she’d given up after pestering him for only a few minutes. When she left, he remorphed the wounds he hadn’t had time to fix, cuts across his forehead, back, and left arm. The blonde-haired Jedi woman had left to send a message to the New Republic fleet so they wouldn’t be shot at, but that was a good five minutes ago and Tobias was staring at the closed door trying to collect his thoughts.
There was a great deal to collect, too.
He heard the swish of the door opening and looked up to see Venda quietly enter the room, giving him a smile before moving over to check on Master Ral. After a moment, she said softly, “I wish I were more of a healer, but I believe he will be alright.”
Tobias just nodded.
Venda raised an eyebrow at this, then stepped around the bed and pulled one of the free chairs over to sit in front of the young man, “Are you going to be alright?”
He shook his head.
Trying to get a feel on him through the Force was difficult. Tobias was doing a fairly good job of keeping himself internal and well shielded, and it was fairly obvious to Venda that he was doing it on purpose. She had dealt with people attempting to conceal information most of her life, and she was good at getting what she wanted to find out, but this was different. She wasn’t tracking anyone down or trying to find anything specific out...Venda was actually worried about the kid. He didn’t look hurt anymore, but he still looked a mess.
“What happened?” Venda decided to just go with the direct approach.
Tobias let out a sigh and looked down at the deck. Staring at the top of his head wasn’t exactly wonderful, but he did start talking at least, “I killed a man...and...and I didn’t mean to...” he shook his head, then looked up at her, obviously realizing that wouldn’t make any sense, “We went to one of the Yuuzhan Vong ships. Master Ral...we both felt something there. But when we got there a human came up to me. He...he had something sticking out of his face, like a rock, and he was talking fast and and...and then more Vong showed up and he screamed something and came after me and I...I just...reacted...”
It was a vague description, but Venda was putting pieces together and drawing conclusions from it. That reaction probably had saved his life. She’d heard about what he had described. Yuuzhan Vong implants they placed in captives to control them. But the fact that he’d killed a man that wasn’t, technically, an enemy was definitely eating away at Tobias, and asking about it wasn’t helping.
So, she pushed in another direction and asked, “How did you end up in that escape pod?”
“Master Ral felt something else as we moved in more,” Tobias glanced over at the Omwati and was silent for a few moments before going on, “We’d barely gotten anywhere and he insisted we get out. Something was happening. We ran back, but more Vong got to us before we got back to our ship. S-six of them...or seven maybe...they overwhelmed Master Ral and...I killed them but...but he was hurt so badly and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel anything like he did! We’d left so many people behind and they were being tortured and I wanted to go back and save them but...but when I ran back I ran into more Vong. I don’t think they were warriors but they still fought hard and I killed them, too. And then I heard Master Ral yelling at me and he sounded like he was dying so I ran back again and...and got us into the ship.”
Tobias had to take a breath, as he wasn’t really taking a break between sentences, just speaking in one long, confused and terrified sounding explanation. After he took the time to breath a bit, his voice evened out at least slightly but his face showed he was still just as distressed, “I don’t know how to fly a ship! I don’t...I didn’t...I tried. I tried and all I could do was power it up and when I finally did alarms started going off. All the noise just made it worse. I managed to get the ship up but there wasn’t anyway out and then the whole hangar just turned to fire. I...I grabbed Master Ral and got into the escape pod. I don’t know how we didn’t burn and I don’t know what happened...but I felt all the people die,” at this point, Tobias was clinching his teeth and failing to fight back tear, “I felt them all screaming out for help and I was right there and I couldn’t do anything. They all died...and I was right there...they’re all dead...”
He was working himself up more and more, and Venda could hear in his voice that he was starting to panic. Through the Force, she could feel he was far beyond panic. Her first thing to do was to do her best to calm him through the Force, which was something she was good at. As she did this, Venda reached forward and put a hand on his shoulder to try and help him calm down more, “There was nothing you could have done.”
“There should have been!” Tobias growled through gritted teeth.
Venda paused to put more effort into presenting a soothing presence in the Force. She was skilled at this technique, but that didn’t mean it was easy or had immediate results. He’d been right in the middle of that blast she’d seen from a distance, on a Vong ship even. The fact that he was alive was amazing, but the ripple in the Force from all of the deaths had been a heavy blow to her. It was hard for her to imagine what it felt like to Tobias, who still had a great deal to learn about the Force.
“Tobias,” she said the name with as much force as she could manage. It wasn’t like when Marix was angry with him, but it got his attention. When Venda saw this, she softened the tone, “Calm yourself. If you cannot control yourself you will only make things worse.”
Tobias bit his lip and hung his head, “...its so hard...”
Even though he could see her facing the floor like that, Venda nodded, “Yes, it is. But you cannot use that as an excuse to not do it.”
Slowly, his breathing was starting to calm down. It was working finally. Again, he looked up at her, “Jyr...my father made it sound so easy.”
“I don’t think he did,” Venda shook her head. She was going down a path she knew little about, but after a bit more information about Jyren she’d learned while at Alraxia, Venda felt like she could make a few educated guesses, “I think you did what all little boys do when their father tells them a story. You heard what you wanted to, and left out the rest.”
Tobias opened his mouth, started to say a word, then stopped himself. She was right, of course. He couldn’t argue that anymore. Not after what he’d done and seen and now what he was feeling. His body was human, yes, but Tobias was still an Alraxian at heart. Emotions were strong for him, and very hard to control. Of course, he was also currently in the body of a human teenager so that didn’t help, but that wasn’t something Tobias really even considered.
“Good...that’s good,” Venda sounded like a Redstar to him all of a sudden. It was surprisingly helpful to think that. This Jedi woman had a way with using her words in just the right way in just the right voice, “I felt them die, too. I still feel it and I think you do, too. But it isn’t your fault. What happened here was beyond your control and beyond mine. You did the best you could and you saved your Master.”
“What’s one person compared to hundreds?” Tobias mumbled it, shaking his head.
“Two people,” Venda quickly corrected him, “And what is none compared to two?”
Tobias still couldn’t accept that, and gave her a very pointed glare, “Two lives don’t outweigh or even balance out hundreds more.”
So that was it. It was a common feeling, and actually very logical. She wished it was Master Ral that could help Tobias right now, but that wasn’t the case. Venda would simply have to do her best and remember how her Master had been, “Its not about balance, Toby. Every life is valuable and we do what we can to protect as many lives as we can...but you can never save everyone. You can’t protect everyone. You have to listen to the Force and let it guide your actions. When you were on that ship, why did you not go to save all of those people?”
“I...” he had to stop to think, which was a good sign, “I was scared. I just wanted to leave and go back home so I...ran...I ran away...and tried to just hide in that escape pod.”
Gently, Venda squeezed his shoulder. This war was no place for someone his age. There were many Jedi apprentices younger than him fighting, but Venda still didn’t believe they should be. It was hard enough to be a Jedi as it was, but to still follow the right path during a time of war? And then to be so young to barely understand everything that was really going on?
It wasn’t right.
This was definitely not the place for her to push any farther. Hopefully Master Ral could help when he was able to. So, instead, Venda went back to simply trying to make sure he as calm and alright, “I just returned from Alraxia, Toby.”
That got his attention.
Tobias’ eyes widened and he looked up at her expectantly, “Is everything okay there?”
It was time to lie to him a bit, “It is tense, but your family is all okay,” she managed to put a smile on her face, “Your mother’s worried about you. She told me to keep you out of trouble.”
Finally, Venda got through. Tobias grinned, it was slight at first, then grew and he almost laughed, “So are you going to tell her about all of this then?”
Venda did allowed herself to laugh, finally standing up again and deciding that it was time to properly communicate with the New Republic and get some actual information. As she got up, Venda pulled Tobias up to his feet, too, and started to lead him to the cockpit. He didn’t need to sit by Master Ral like this. Gently leading him out of the small room and down the short corridor to the cockpit, Venda smiled and said, “I don’t know your mother very well, but I know enough to not tell her that I found you in the middle of a battle.”