12/20/32 7:00pm
I have, by my estimation, spent a good one-third of my adult life staring over other people's shoulders, standing prim, at attention, and not making a sound. I've always justified in it the past, that while I haven't been the one to actually do anything, I've got to see and help with a large amount of interesting and important things, and that should be good enough.
It's not, and the professor has suggested that I think about where I came from, to understand where my satisifaction with the life I'm leaving behind was formed, and understand what conditions have caused me to go in the direction I'm going in now.
I was born on the outskirts of Boston in 1899, my father, John, a prominent lawyer, and my mother, Louise, a, well, housewife, as nearly all the women in our social group were. My mother went to Radcliffe, and was very interested in biology, but decided not to pursue that, because there was little opportunity, and my father came along at what was considered the proper time.
I'm the youngest of three, and my two older brothers, Martin and Douglas, quickly followed in their father's footsteps in becoming lawyers, and are now associates in my father's firm. We haven't spoken much since I've joined the professor.
I was tutored, both by my mother, and a family friend, for most of the my youth. I surprised everyone by not going to Radcliffe, but instead, entering a nursing school. I didn't see the point of going to an academic school if you weren't expected to go anywhere after that, and nursing seemed interesting to me. Getting through school wasn't a problem, and my father's connections easily secured me a job in the largest hospital in Boston.
Work was tiring and repetitive, as described above, and while I did learn quite a lot about medicine, and also how to take care and comfort patients. After an argument with a doctor about what treatment to give a patient (I still think I was right, but it didn't really matter), I was reassigned to the psychiatric ward, as sort of a punishment.
I didn't see it as that as all: the doctors spent less time with the patients, and were more willing to just have their nurses do all the work. This was fine by me. The job was even more stressful, as some of the things I heard were beyond the pale, and still haunt my dreams to this day, but I got more satisifaction out of it, as I was able to make some decisions on my own. Still, though, I was always frustrated by what was recommended by the doctors: none of it ever seemed to work.
After one particularly bad day, in which one of our patients who we thought was recovering suddenly snapped and attacked me (luckily, the guards were nearby), I went for a walk around Boston, and ended up near Harvard. There were a few questioning looks about a woman walking so late alone, but I was left alone with my shaken thoughts. I picked up the Harvard Crimson, the local paper, sat down on a bench, and read it. It was all about Harvard, which was profoundly uninteresting, but in the back, there was an advertisement that a graduate student needed an assistant to help with psychological experiments. I resolved to go the next day.
The graduate student was quite surprised to see a woman walk in the next day: he had intended for this to be a position for undergraduates, but I explained my background, and kind of pleaded a bit, and luckily, he said I could help. He explained that his name was Burrhus Frederic Skinner, and he was doing some experiments with rats, and training. I quit my job at the hospital that day, and for the last three years, I've been having an amazing time, learning under the now professor. I should wish to detail some of his experiments for this record sometime, but it would take far too long to discuss the import. Let it just be said the he and I are both convinced that the proper way to look at people's psyches is not to understand their parents, but rather to understand their environment, what stimuli were given, and what rewards and punishments were handed down, and from there, you will learn all you need to know about a person.
The professor has been very kind, in both explaining his opinions and asking my own, and I have been very helpful in keeping the rats that he experiments on well cared-for, and not subjecting them to any undue outside stimuli, but still, both of us admitted that there was very little I could do in the field: all of the major schools, let alone journals, would hardly accept a woman, especially with ideas so far out of the norm. I allowed myself to be saddened by these prospects, and that also, when he left the school, I would be out of this entirely. It was the professor who came up with the amazing idea to join the Starkweather-Moore expedition to Antarctica, which scared me for quite a while, but he kept insisting that this would be a wonderful opportunity, not only for myself, but for psychology in general, to keep track of and study how such an adverse environment affects people.
I don't know quite how he secured a position for me on the group: he said he knew someone who was organizing, and wrote such a strong letter of recommendation that it made me blush, but I also think that he gave away some of his money to purchase a position. I will be forever indebted to him for this. I've read all I can over the past few months of what is known about Antarctica, and the previous expedition. Their disappearance is most troubling, and both of us agreed that it is quite risky to go, but it is something I cannot pass up: if we succeed, then I cannot be stuck in the box that was made for me when I was born.
I will write soon again, as I have received information about all the people who will be joining us on this expedition, and they seem a quite diverse group, but, I have agreed with Professor Skinner to help finish this round of experiments, and so I must be in early to take care of the animals.
-- Rachel Paulos
~
Rachel Paulos, Human, Defensive Psychologist 3
CR 3; Medium Humanoid; 5'x5'/5';
HD 3d6+3; hp 15;
Init +0; Spd 30 ft/x4;
AC 10;
Atk +0 One-handed (1d3-1 S, Unarmed Strike);
SV Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +5, San 75;
Str 9(-1), Dex 11(+0), Con 12(+1), Int 12(+1), Wis 15(+2), Cha 15(+2);
Skills & Feats: Animal Empathy +7, Diplomacy +8, Handle Animal +9, Heal +13, Knowledge (medicine) +6, Knowledge (psychology) +6, Psychoanalysis +13, Research +4, Ride +2, Search +5, Sense Motive, +8, Spot +8.
Endurance, Skill Emphasis (Heal), Skill Emphasis (Psychoanalysis).