Swear At & Insult Your Players

[Connorsrpg]

Wow, many good ones. Thanks for the contirbutions. I am sure there are many DMs (and players) out there mining this thread for ideas.

By Illion Great thread btw

Thanks. I thought so too.

Barak....that one is very cool. Only one, but a beauty

And Slife...all I can say is ....wow. I made it threw most of the thread. Will need to go back for more later.

Thanks everyone. I certainly am enjoying this thread.

Connors

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"You really should just change your name to "Ugly"...it would simplify things."

"What IS that unholy stench? Ohhhh, its you!"

"Let me guess...your mother didn't know how to tie a knot, and you got out of the bag and swam to safety."

"I didn't say your sister is a warf whore...I said she was a warf whore. Now she's the the playtoy of the 1st Regiment....your mother must be so proud your sister is following in her buttprints."

"I'm amazed that your family crest isn't simply a field of yellow...Have any of your so-called enemies ever seen your face?"

"I've eaten sandwiches with more backbone than you."

"I know women with bigger balls than yours."

 

[BroccoliRage]

from The 13th Warrior....(used occasionally by my desert people, the kadamites)....

"At least i know who my father is, you pig eating son of a whore..."

you could always go with the beat to death monty python french tauntings.....


a few of my own...

"cowardly vagrant! excrement speaks with more sweetness!"

"i suppose it is my duty to help those in a...how to put this....lower station of existence..."

"ive seen boils on my arse with more likable personalities whan you, urine stain..."

"Aye, lad....you mother tells me you shoulda been swallowed, but it was your swine of a father she dallied with in those days, scum...."

for dwarves in taverns...

"how goes, beard? perhaps some of that dwarven cow-piss, than off to the mines with snow white?"

for drow...

"i saw a spider web outside, so i burned before you went to make a shrine, you tar-dipped fairy..."

"sounds to me like you got no balls laddy, lettin' a group of schizophrenic bar wenches run your life...."


for elves..

"perhaps you could carve me a flute and shove it up your ass, you half assed nymph..."

for halflings...

"get shoes, pus-feet....you rotten toes are so disgustin', the druids will be here claimin your upsettin the natural order..."

for gnomes...

"oh sure....you all dig holes and stay away from your wives for RICHES.....and its nothin but men down there you say?...."



maybe that will help fuel the fire...if your players wont go to the adventure, bring it to them with a good old tavern brawl...

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Insulting a Dwarf:

"Awwwww...isn't he cute wit his widdle axe!"

"Fake-beard!"

Insulting an Elf:

"You clumsy tree-frigging orc-lover!"

"Bows? Leave it to the elves to make a weapon out of a wet-nurse's lullabye instrument..."

Insulting a Halfling:

"You're an annoying little knee-biting burrowing bumpkin, d'you know that?"

"So, which cooper do you go to for your clothes, my little keg?"

Insulting a Gnome:

"Oh look- Half a dwarf!"

"Who let you out of the garden?"

Insulting a Dragon:

"C'mon...daddy needs some boots, a belt, and a new set of luggage!"

 

[Connorsrpg]

Woah, it has been 3 years since I visited this thread. I am sure there a lot of new users that would gain a lot from this.

I just read Silfe's entries and got a LOT from those. Brilliant.

Ok. 2nd resurection. Time to add some new ones. (And maybe complire all the good ones one day ).

C

 

[Loonook]

I think the best possible way to handle insults is to just go with nonsense. Most of the insults which are presented as such are for visual and not verbal cues. Yes, the Bard knew that many of his would be read out, but they're like the Your Momma jokes of the day; great to hear the first time, but repetition during the period-of-use would make you look like quite the poseur.

I had a player who I sniped the following idea from: Whenever you feel you'll need to insult an NPC or another player, use a language which you two share but which few of the other players do. The group was trapped in the belly of the beast; nasty little dungeon, nothing going right, made it up (for a new group) as something similar to the trials and tribulations of Neverwhere with far more... expressed weirdness. The players were getting into a discussion with the creature which was a place-holder for Islington, when the angel decided to insult one of the PCs, a roguish sort who was quite the Charismatic.

The player, having his little set of Post-It Notes in front of him, began to speak in a lilting, soft tone, smiling at me as he passed me the note.

The insult which he handed me involved inprobable uses of anatomy combined with the presence of animals and/or the Superior.

After a few seconds of stunned silence we held a conversation in Celestial (throwing back words and phrases the other one had given), and I wrote a short summation of the conversation. The other players were dumbfounded by the event, and when their 'face' returns with the information necessary to complete the trials they found it to be very interesting.

We just started using rough sound analogs to what we thought a dwarf, or a demon, or a bugbear would sound like, and then allowing the other person to interpret these discussions as either insults or handing off notes. Had a lot of fun in the immersion aspect, and some hilarious rapid-fire multilinguistic exchanges between all sorts of types.

Slainte,

-Loonook.

 

[sjmiller]

Read the plays of Shakespeare, therein lies many a great insult. Most especially, read Othello. That one has some of the best I can think of. A few of them are very subtle, and some are as blunt as a bowling ball. One of my favorite insults comes from Othello. I will paraphrase it, since I am a bit too lazy to go grab the actual quote.

You, my lady, do arise to play and go abed to work.

 

[Krensky]

Of course, Dirty words four, five, and six (actually all of them, but those are the direct insults) are all period.

Four existed in it's anatomical sense since at least 1230 (when it appears in the OED) and was apparent;y obscene by Shakespeare's time. Five and six, although modern constructions existed as insults, well, probably forever. Words one, two, and three are all ancient and would have been used in insults as well, as would their precursors.

 

[Pyrosa Shadowalker]

*shakes head*

Oh my god a lot of these are just sad, so so sad.
Here's one for the older crowd:

Any male says "That's not all we could share" and Human/elf/half-elf replys "Please, I wouldn't let you share a stall in my barn let alone let you share my bed."