Swear At & Insult Your Players

[ZuulMoG]

A gem from the 1st ed. Forgotten Realms box, a Goblin curse:

Braunk vhos trolkh! ("If you die while I'm gone, do it quietly.")

(Because I wouldn't want to miss it.)

EDIT: and some of my own

Swearing by the pantheon-
(crone-ish goddess's name)'s teats!
By the shrivelled balls of (evil male god)
(Arch-devil or Demon lord)'s withered pizzle!

Insults
You're the ugliest thing I've ever laid eyes on! And I've fought otyughs before!!
No surprise that the otyugh puked YOU up. Too bad his innards didn't improve yer stink.
Gah!! After I kill you I'll hafta bathe in Troglodyte sewage to clean off the stink!!
Clearly all of your father's natural grace and talent ran down the crack of the buffalo's arse.
Was that an attack? I thought you were trying to swat a fly off me.
The seasons move faster than you!!
And I thought goblins were stupid!
I'll have to use a blunt weapon to fight you, soiling a perfectly good sword with your coward's blood would be a waste.

Dwarven-
Orc/Drow/Elf-kissing
Flower-picker, esp with 'elf'
Orc/Drow/Elf-loving
Derro-servin'
Rust! <----General curse along the lines of the F-bomb. (Say it with FEELING!)
Yer mother/father was a goblin/orc/elf. (Also useable in Viking flavor (Orcsdottir, Goblinssen, etc...)
Yah, yer sister married a goblin/orc/elf!

Challenges-
Come, let's see if you can do anything with that pig-sticker more useful than carving meat to shove in your fat face!
Save me the bother and shove that <weapon> up your own arse.
So, are you as big a coward as that yellow stain on your crotch would make it seem?

 

[Hussar]

The new Thieves World books have some good ones:

You froggin' pud.
Sheep stupid.
Frog all.

My Shelzar campaign had a couple:

It's hotter than Thulkas' armpit in here. Smells the same too!
You long streak of Vangal pizzle.
Tighter than a Corean priest.
Heh, the Tanilites have bigger ones than you do. (Tanil's priestesses are almost universally women, at least in my campaign they were.)

Pratchett has a couple as well:

To a dwarf - Hey footstool! You're owner know he's missing a lawn ornament?
The Pictsies - Dere can only be one t'ousan'! NAC MAC FEEGLE!!! Bigjobs!!
Dwarven oath - "Today is a good day for someone else to die!"
The Witches - "Time to do some good!" (From Granny Weatherwax, that would be enough to make me soil myself)
Omnian - "The turtle moves."

There's lots more.

 

[The Edge]

Your good for nothing but helping plants grow. (think fertiliser)
Do you realy have to fight? couldn't you just lie down and skip past the hassle?

A favourite of mine from a computer game for after youv'e defeated someone,
"If it hurts it means your still alive"

And how about chinese style. Shot them dead, then bill their kin for the arrows.

 

[Wolv0rine]

I've always been partial to "By bhaal's balls!"

 

[Connorsrpg]

That one would have potential to backfire, methinks.

Too right Read it again

Troll Wizard: there are certainly some funny ones there Oh and GoodKingJayIII that one about the spoon...I did like that. I thought he did a good quirky villain in that version of RH.

Yes the cursing by a deities so-and-so is certainly a common theme, especially in Conan books. In fact this is a very good way to let players become more familiar with some of your campaign's powers that be.

keep them coming, there have been some very enjoyable ones so far.

 

[MongooseMatt]

We have the Mother of all insult topics on our forums at Mongoose;

http://www.mongoosepublishing.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=192

Curses and insults have real power in the Slaine RPG, hence. . .

 

[pogre]

Samuel Johnson's Insults : A Compendium of Snubs, Sneers, Slights and Effronteries from the Eighteenth-Century Master

Every insulter should own it!

Edit: and here's an Amazon link.

 

[Connorsrpg]

Bump

Teaching "Romeo & Juliet" to year 10s. They loved the Shakespeare Insult Generator

Any more?

Connors

 

[Imret]

To rehash the one that's always stood out in my head, courtesy of the Lythande anthology:

"You defiler of virgin goats." There's something extra awful in suggesting such a...preference. As far as things that have appeared at my own tables...

"Tell me where you were whelped, as I'll not defile my homeland by burying you in it!"
"You are a worthy foe! I will sing a dirge in your honor and wear your skin with pride!"
"I've shaken more threatening foes out of my bedroll!"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Here's a few of my favorites...all mine, and some have even been used in real life:

"By the undescended testicles of Eros!" (also By the "glistening cleavage of Hera," the "million bastard children of Zeus," and so forth)

"By the gods...is that your face or are you wearing troll's farting arse on your neck?"

"Well, well, well- if it isn't the bow-legged pantsless terror of the chicken coop!"

"May a flock of 1000 flux-ridden pigeons orbit thy head for the rest of your life (short though it may be)!"

"Do I interrupt you when you're giving 2-for-1 for all the Grampa-peglegs down wharfside?"

"You fit in a crowd?"

"Really? Well she told me that she prefers a good claymore to a skean dhu every time..."

"She's no easier to get than heads on a 2-faced coin."

"I daresay that peak and valley are closer together than your thighs."

"Sirrah- your country would be better served pounding your armor into blades for a regiment...or 2."

"You are so large you cannot pass between 2 points in an argument..."

"You couldn't pass through a valley..."