[Test Run]PrC: Initiate of the Veil

[Chonicler]

I've been recently considering dipping my toes into the the online PDF d20 industry, and I'm hoping I could get feedback on a prestige class I wrote up as a test run.

First, what do you think of the writing? The editing? The (very basic) layout? No art yet, I'm afraid - how much of an impact do you feel art has on a product? What do you suggest for improvement in these areas?

Game-wise, what about the ideas? Original, or have you seen them before? Is the class balanced? Is it interesting? Would you include it in your campaign?

And, of course, the intangibles: do feel that this is a quality product, or just another piece of garbage pumped out from the d20 machine? Is it something you would consider paying for if it were part of a larger (40-50 pages) book on shapechangers? How does it compare to other d20 products on the market? Is it even good enough to be sold for money, or is it better off remaining just another house rule from the community on the message boards?

Please be as brutally honest as you feel this short test deserves. I would much, much rather take a few hits to my ego on a board thread then end up turning out a shoddy piece of work that sells half a dozen to copies to people who are so disgusted they delete them and then post hideous reviews on ENWorld.

(Also, am I using the Open Gaming License correctly? As I understand it, basically all that's required is that I don't infringe on copyrights, include a copy of the license, and have at least 5% Open Game Content. I went intentionally mimicked the format used by WotC for prestige classes; is this infringing on trade dress or copyrighted format?)

I can't post PDFs, unfortunately, so included is the pre-distilled version in Word.

 

[Priest]

Ill run a play testing session with my crew sometime this next week for your PrC, It looks real solid as is written

 

[reapersaurus]

Is it something you would consider paying for if it were part of a larger (40-50 pages) book on shapechangers? How does it compare to other d20 products on the market? Is it even good enough to be sold for money, or is it better off remaining just another house rule from the community on the message boards?

From my brief look, I would personally say no, it's not worth buying.

The sad fact of the matter (for me) is that unless you are a big publishing company that the INDUSTRY views as something most campaigns should be running, than you are just fan-published material that may as well be House Rules.

I would not pay for PrC's that show up on community message boards.
Not because they're bad - many of them are FAR superior to published PrC's - it's just that most DM's won't consider small-online-publishing to be a valid Rules source, so they are almost useless to me as a player.

Lastly, I thought the name of the PrC was bacause it was a Belly-Dancer PrC, about the dance of the Veils.

 

[Priest]

Well I tried out the class I did well, But I had to create a sequence in order to use the class ( it did not fit directly into my campaign )

Not that this is a problem, Its just you may have to find a Publisher that is looking for your Prestige Class.

Hey by the way if you have any Bardic Prestige classes that are unique I would love to see them for the Bardic Whispers project, I am gathering the best of everything bardic to compile into something that all submitters get to determine what happens to it.

Whether that be published, or put out as a free PDF, or RTF it will be seen.

PRIEST

 

[Chonicler]

Thanks for the input - I agree that it may be hard to find a publisher, but I was thinking more along the lines of compiling other classes/races/feats, game aids, advice for running a campaign with shapeshifters, etc. and just putting that onto RPGNow - not in print, but just as a low-cost PDF ($2-3) because that would be something I would enjoy doing, but not if it turns out to be another can of spam from the saturated market that no one would enjoy.

I put this up as a test of quality, not as something I would ask someone to pay for. I was asking: Does this seem up to the standards of the d20 market? If a larger book of the same quality were put out, would it get at least a 3/5 from ENWorld?

I do appreciate the criticism.

In any case, I'd love to hear how the class went over in-game. What was the story around it, and how did it play out? NPC or temporary PC? Any comments from your players?

[Belly-dancer PrC? I've never heard of the dance of the veils - does it just happen to be something that most people know about but it's just never come to my attention, or not? Was this anyone else's first impression?]

 

[Priest]

Temporary PC, went well though in the end my players had difficulty with the way it fit into the campaign, as far as it being balanced I would say yes, Its balanced as any well thought out prestige class is balanced, and if I used Shapeshifters IMC more often then I would probably see more Initiates of the Veil running about.

The PC did well in all the forms of gauntlet style play I ran it through with my group. They Liked some of its abilities, namely the practical skeptisim, the Thoughtspy, and shape-trap abilities. One player thanks you tons for the stable form ability since I threw a number of different shape changing hurtles at them including the Chaos Beast, the Cat & Mouse trap from Traps & Treachery I, and a number of other things.

Lets put it this way I think that your Prestige Class was comparable or better than many of the prestige classes put into Dragon (Yes that includes Monte's) But like them it is hard to find a use. I personally love the Hunter for the Dead but have never played or seen one played since it was first seen. I love the Loremaster, never played it. The Rage Mage, as well. You have what it takes to sell your stuff, yes. It will be the people who are looking for the material that will buy what you give.

As I said any Bardic Prestige classes you have will find a happy home in the Bardic Whispers project if you want a space.

 

[Chonicler]

Thank you for the praise - sorry, I've been unable to post for the last week.

Thirty-four downloads so far, and only two people responded. I would appreciate any feedback, even if it's just "I don't like the color of the title."

 

[NoOneofConsequence]

[Belly-dancer PrC? I've never heard of the dance of the veils - does it just happen to be something that most people know about but it's just never come to my attention, or not? Was this anyone else's first impression?]

The dance of seven veils is a famous belly dance - it used to get mentioned a lot in Hollywood movies fromt the 30's - 50's, especially the Arabian Nights style movies.

I didn't have that impression at first, but I did think that Veil referred to a piece of clothing. Still, there are much worse names for PrC's out there - even published ones - and the class seems to work ok. It's kind of like the monster hunter concept extant in a lot of Chinese legends.