The Adventures of the Knights of Spellforge Keep

[Despaxas]

Ah man, they have to turn those statues back. It wouldn't be fair to my character who recently had to pay a great deal of money to rescue his 3 companions and 6 more, I was flat out broke after that, and did those bastards pay me for helping the others, nah, course not. I swear I'm going to lay righteous fury on them very soon, oh yes, very soon, hehehe hehe ... Divine Power heh, Flamestrike ... hehehe

Don't mind me, great story

 

[Richards]

In the spirit of anagrammatic goodness (if that's even a word ), here's what we get when we play around with the names of the various Knights of Spellforge Keep:

LEM = ELM

Not much to say about Lem, as we don't really know much about him at this stage. Maybe he likes trees?

LEM = MEL

Not really all that much more impressive, is it? Oh well. Try not to get a mental image of Mel Cooley (from the old Dick Van Dyke Show) playing the part of Lem as you read this Story Hour. (And don't blame me if you do: I said try not to!)

DARTAN = RAT-NAD

Not quite the same thing as being a Rat-Bastard, but it has its own quaint appeal. Lest Dartan think I'm picking on him, though, this next one's a little cooler:

DARTAN THE GODLESS = DEATH'S LOST DANGER

This could either mean that Dartan is in fact the one danger that even Death herself has lost track of, or perhaps that Dartan is so tough that even the concept of death has lost its danger in his eyes. Either way, I think it's pretty cool.

SIR VEK MORMONT = VENOM-ROT SMIRK

Now if this isn't a perfect match! I can just imagine the "venom-rot smirk" on Vek's face when he does stuff like steal control of a vampiric medusa from Lem or frighten a dying old man with his undead visage.

ORTHOS = SHORTO

Okay, "shorto" isn't really a word - so sue me. I still think it's kind of ironic, given that Orthos is a dwarf. Still, you want a better one? I got a better one:

ORTHOS STONEFIST = SOOT-SNORT FETISH

So, maybe our dwarven cleric likes to snort soot in his spare time? No? Okay then, perhaps he has an even kinkier side:

ORTHOS STONEFIST = SO, ON TO FRESH TITS

Which would mean, what? Maybe he's secretly a typical "ale and whores" kind of dwarf, only he prefers to move on to new female companionship after he's "sampled their wares." Don't ask me, I only figure these anagrams out; I'm not necessarily responsible for explaining 'em. One last shot at Orthos:

ORTHOS STONEFIST = TOOT ISN'T SO FRESH

Here's a hint to the other Knights: you might want to make sure you're not immediately behind Orthos in the standard party marching order the night after you all had beans for dinner.

Okay, enough picking on the dwarf. How about Kizzlorn? I'll bet you didn't think I could come up with an anagram of Kizzlorn, did you? Well...you're right. Throw in her last name, though, and now we've got something to work with:

KIZZLORN SPELLFORGE = KILLER OF RPG NOZZLES

I'm not quite sure what an "RPG nozzle" is, but again, I don't have to explain 'em. Or, here's a different one:

KIZZLORN SPELLFORGE = LONG PORK ELF SIZZLER

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "long pork" a slang term used by cannibals to refer to human flesh? If so, it's probably a good thing the Knights don't have any elves in their party at the moment.

NANNY THE SHIELD GUARDIAN = AND HE IS A TINY GUN HANDLER

I'll bet you didn't know about that, did you? (Apologies to Doctor Midnight if I've spoiled any future surprises here. I hope it won't be too much of a let-down when Nanny whips out a tiny gun from an arm-compartment to save the Knights from some deadly menace in the future and the readership says, "Yeah, I saw that coming.")

JAMISON CROW = ORC WINOS JAM

I can attest to this, by the way. You get a couple of drunken orcs together and throw them some musical instruments - we're talking some mighty fine music! (Try it yourself and see!) But then there's always:

JAMISON CROW = JOIN ROC'S MAW

If Jamison is ever devoured by a roc, don't anyone ever say I didn't warn him.

Johnathan

 

[Wee Jas]

Well, Level 15 is coming. Sir Vek will be taking the Leadership feat. Soon the Knights of Wee Jas will be moving into Verbobonc but I'll need a worthy commander to look after my soldiers while I'm away. I was thinking I could name my commander after one of the posters but how will I decide which name to give? Hmmn.. Any ideas?

* Sorry Tsunami but you are already my undead warhorse!

 

[Dr Midnight]

Holy crap, that's funny. The Orthos Stonefist ones are best, I think... because, let's face it... toot isn't so fresh.

How about some for the old Knights? Dekker? Tenchi? Pleaaaase?

 

[Richards]

Okay, here are some anagrams of Knights of days past:

DEKKER ROUGHFOOT = HOOKED GUT FORKER

Looks like Dekker created his own weapon or something. Commendable! On the other hand...

DEKKER ROUGHFOOT = KEG OF HOOKER TURD

Uh, you really need to find a new hobby, Dekker.

TENCHI = ETHNIC

I always find it interesting when I can get a single word from a name.

TENCHI FOXFINGERS = NIXON'S FIG FETCHER

Hey, don't laugh, it may not be the world's most glamorous job, but at least he's working for a former US President. And ever wonder what Tenchi's main job was at his monastery?

TENCHI FOXFINGERS = FIXING SHORT FENCE

And not to be outdone by Dekker in the "disgusting hobby" category:

TENCHI FOXFINGERS = SNIFF EXCRETING HO'

Ouch. Sorry about that one. Let's move on, shall we?

MALLICK HUCRELE = CERAMIC ELK HULL

I'm not quite sure what an elk hull is, let alone a ceramic one, but anagramology is still a somewhat new science.

MALLICK HUCRELE = LULL A MERE CHICK

Does this mean Mallick was sexist? "Mere chick," indeed.

BREE = BEER

Admittedly an easy one, but hey, it's beer!

BREE THORNBERRY = BENT BY HER ERROR

Anyone care to guess what her error was?

MYRAMUS = SUMMARY

Another cool anagram into a single word.

MYRAMUS MAXIMUS = MAXIMUM RAY SUMS

Okay, I admit it's kind of cheesy (I don't like using that many letters in the same way - "maximus" is only one letter away from "maximum") but that's what I could come up with. But what about his twin brother, Menerous?

MENEROUS = OUR SEMEN

Ugh, I think you're taking the "twins do everything together" concept a little too far there, buddy!

MENEROUS = RUE OMENS

Kind of the superstitious type, are you, Menerous?

MENEROUS MAXIMUS = I NAME OUR MUM'S SEX

Big deal! I'll bet I can name your mum's sex, too: female, right?

ANGELIQUE MATHEA = QUITE A HALMA GENE

Halma is a PC over in Wulf Ratbane's Story Hour. Perhaps the two are related? Okay, perhaps not.

ANGELIQUE MATHEA = I'M A LATE HAG QUEEN

You are? Then maybe it's a good thing you were killed off!

HANNAH = HANNAH

Yeah, big freakin' deal, I know. But I'd just like to point out that Hannah's name is a palindrome! (It reads the same forwards and backwards.) Wordplay geeks like me tend to find stuff like this cool.

KRYN = N-R-KY

Seriously, there's not much I can do with "Kryn." The coolest thing I could come up with is the above, which can be pronounced to sound (a little bit) like "anarchy." Best I can do.

ERASMUS = ASSUMER

Shame on you, Erasmus! Don't you know that when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me?

ERASMUS NIGHTWALKER = SLUM-SHAKING WERERAT

In case anyone was wondering what ever happened to Erasmus after he turned evil, apparently he became a wererat and started shaking up the poorer quarters on the town. So now you know.

JETTOK TAKLIN = TILT TANK JOKE

I would never joke about the party tank being killed off.

JETTOK TAKLIN = A JET KILT KNOT

Now we all know how Jettok kept his kilt from falling down. (Bet you didn't even know he wore a kilt, did you?)

RAFFLORN SPELLFORGE = RAFFLES OF GRELL PORN

Because no porn collection is really complete without pictures of naked, tentacled, levitating brain creatures, is it? (I apologize in advance for the visual. )

KATYA OHANNA = AHA, NOT A YANK!

Katya's player wasn't by any chance a Southern girl, was she?

KYLA OHANNA = A LANKY NOAH

Kyla Ohanna is Eric Noah's love child? Remember, you heard it first here, folks!

Johnathan

 

[Breakstone]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Heh heh heh heh heh!

He he he he he he he!

Whoo!

Richards, you are quite the man.

 

[Metus]

Well, Level 15 is coming. Sir Vek will be taking the Leadership feat. Soon the Knights of Wee Jas will be moving into Verbobonc but I'll need a worthy commander to look after my soldiers while I'm away. I was thinking I could name my commander after one of the posters but how will I decide which name to give? Hmmn.. Any ideas?

* Sorry Tsunami but you are already my undead warhorse!

Well, I know I'm not the most prominent poster, but I'll put a vote in for the job. My name's latin, and it has a few dark meanings. Plus, I always reserve this character's name for necromancers! How's about that!

 

[Cheiromancer]

Dr Midnight,

I just wanted to let you know that the Knights of the Silver Quill was my favorite story hour (while it lasted) and that I was very sad when it ended.

And I was overjoyed to see the campaign start up again. Those back-story installments were absolutely superb!

Now I eagerly watch for new installments of the Knights of Spellforge Keep. I know they are a lot of work- I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it. As do, I'm sure, a large number of other forumites.

-Cheiromancer

 

[Breakstone]

Here here!

 

[Dr Midnight]

Moonday, 10th of Harvester

They woke and readied themselves for the room beyond. They walked through. The stink of decay assailed their nostrils, and its source was soon evident: lying among a pile of rotting straw was the skeleton of a large creature with a lion's body, an eagle's wings, and the skull of a giant.

There was a depression in the stone wall on the far side of the circular room. Closer inspection revealed it to be a large keyhole, above which were four carved indentations in the shape of the letters "M," "R," "E," and "L," each one a different size.

Immediately wary of the skeleton, they skirted its edge carefully as they studied the keyhole and letters. Dartan muttered “I am sick of the puzzles and games of this place.”

Lem examined the keyhole. “It looks like the tallest of the letters is the height of the keyhole. Could it be we’re meant to use these letters as a key?”

“Not THESE letters, surely… these ones are just carved into the wall.” Kizz furrowed her brow and thought.

Lem touched the carvings, and the skull of the dead beast began to raise into the air. Dartan shouted in exclamation and drew his sword. The skull’s jaw moved to an eerie female voice that seemed to come from nowhere. "The door is locked, a key you need. I'll lead you if my words you heed… seek four letters made of lead. Each stood above you, overhead. Place each letter, say my name, then form the key from one and same."

“Is it undead?” Jamison prepared to blow the skull apart should it attack.

“No,” Vek said sadly. “It’s merely a pairing of triggered spells. There is no unlife in this creature.” They watched as the skull lowered to the ground and lay still.

It was quickly guessed that they should go back through the entire temple and look through the letters over the doorways they passed through. Sure enough, they found an R hidden in the word ORANGE, way back in the orange dust trap room. A quick sweep of the premises led them to find an M in the word HARM from the room with the statues in it. L was in the word ALES, from the room leading to the medusas’ lair. E was lodged in ESCNWC from the room with the snakehead statue.

They brought the pieces to the skeleton room and examined them. M, R, E, and L. They placed them into the carved spaces on the walls, to no effect. “MREL. ‘Amariel’. Huh. What does she want us to do again,” Kizz asked aloud. “Make a key with these?” They began to place them in different positions. Eventually, the R fused to the M with a hard snapping noise. They kept fussing with the pieces until the E and the L snapped to the rest of the mass. It formed a vaguely key-like shape. This was placed into the slot on the wall and turned.

The wall separated and moved apart as two doors. Beyond, a wide staircase descended into darkness that flickered with dim torchlight. The Knights walked down into the room, which was piled with various treasures. Along the eastern wall was a wooden bookcase filled with several tomes. A shelf on the west wall held a variety of small objects and a large roll of heavy cloth sat below it. Against the south wall stood two chests, with a large bronze gong sat against the south wall.

Suddenly, a form partially materialized in the center of the room. It was a winged lioness with a beautiful human face, and it eyed them with infinite weariness. "You have made it this far," she said in a regal voice. "Only one more obstacle stands in your way. Answer my final riddle, and all that you see is yours.” She picked up the heavy gong-clapper that lay on the floor and held it over her head. “Answer me incorrectly and I bang the gong. With three false answers, I will unleash the titan upon you.”

Jamison slavered over the gong. He was very nearly ready to bang it himself. Curiosity should have killed him long ago, but he just couldn’t stop touching things.

Dartan grunted in disdain. “Ask it, already.”

"Rod of wonder,
cube of force,
scroll of flesh to stone.
Add the numbers
in these things,
if their sum be known."

They huddled together quickly. Three items was a plain answer, and warranted a guess. Kizz popped her head up and said “Three.” Amariel’s face clouded and she banged the gong once. The sound was far louder and larger than the five-foot gong would have suggested. The group went back to thinking. Twelve was the next guess. The gong rang again. Amariel’s ghost was beginning to look anxious. The next and last guess was five.

The sphinx’s shade hissed at them. “Fools!” The look on her face spoke of frustration and great anger. “The answer is simple. All you needed to do was think for a moment. Now you’ve cost me my freedom, and you your lives!” She raised her arm back to smash the gong for the third time, and Lem uttered the last word of the spell he’d been canting.

“Stop,” he said. Amariel’s arm stopped, a mere five inches from the gong. Her eyes went wild with surprise. “Put it down.” She laid the gong’s padded striking hammer on the ground. She couldn’t resist his commands.

“What have you done,” she demanded. “Release me at once!”

Lem smiled. “No. Step away from the gong.” She did. “Nanny, fetch the gong. Careful not to jostle it.” Nanny walked over and picked the huge disc of bronze up, then walked back. “Destroy it.” Nanny obeyed, folding the gong over with a great wrenching metal sound. Amariel cursed them and disappeared. “Come back,” Lem said to the open air. Her ghostly form manifested once again in the room. She was genuinely scared.

Vek murmured a word, and for the second time, control of the undead was his. “Sorry, Lem,” he said. “I thought it only fair to show you once more who the master of the dead is.” He laughed. “Amariel, just try to go limp. This is going to hurt. Dartan?” Dartan walked toward her, brandishing his sword.

Amariel stammered. “No! NO! This isn’t right! You’re supposed to answer the question and set me free, or fail at the questions and die! All I’ve wanted since I died was to BE FREE OF THIS PLACE! There are rules! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”

“Here, I’ll set you free,” Dartan said. He destroyed the ghost in no time at all. Her anguished cry echoed off the walls and faded to nothing.

“What now? Are we done?” Jamison eyed the gong.

“Let’s clean up this treasure and be on our way,” Kizz said as she emptied the chests’ contents into a large sack. “Lem, can we levitate the gong and take it with us so it’s properly destroyed?”

Lem cast a spell on the gong’s mangled form and it lifted from the ground. Jamison, behind him, twitched.

Vek adjusted his armor with a distracted sigh. “Where to now? We’re not left with a clear path before us.”

Orthos rubbed his nose and said “Maybe we can find this Mistress Elleth person and-“

“GAAAAAHHHHH!!!” Jamison leapt between them and smashed the gong with the clapper. It rang deeply and loudly. So loudly, in fact, that ribbons of dust drifted from the ceiling. It was deafening. When the others collected their wits, they stared unbelieving at Jamison, who was standing there looking like a child who knew he’d done something bad. His guilty eyes darted around the room.

Orthos shouted at him. “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?”

“I… I had to do it.” He quickly began to rationalize. “There’s a titan under the sea, just waiting to come up and wreak havoc! It was going to happen eventually. Why not just do it when we can be here to stop it? Am I right?”

“I’ll tell you why he did it,” Dartan said with plain murder in his eyes. “He’s evil.”

The ensuing screaming argument lasted a full minute, at least. Eventually the Knights realized that what was done was done, and they could figure out what to do with him once they’d gotten back to dry land. They walked up the stairs and out through the entrance.

The sky was overcast, but a hole was cut in the clouds above and some rays of sunlight fell all over the ocean’s horizon around the crag. “I don’t see a titan,” Jamison said sheepishly.

Then, the rock shuddered. The screams of something shattering and men screaming could be very distantly heard. Evenly spaced, deep vibrations shook the crag.

Vek readied his favorite spell. Nanny prepared his battleaxe. Orthos said a prayer to Moradin: “May I smite the beast, and die well, or be stricken by your hammer.”

A hand roughly twenty feet wide rose up from the sharp drop-off where the crag began its almost thousand-foot descent. It slammed to the ground before them and pulled the rest of the creature up. Gangizth the Titan was a monstrous green scaled creature with yellow eyes the size of wagon wheels. Its maw was filled with hundreds of tiny, glittering teeth. In its other hand it clutched a spear, that could only have been the mast of a sunken galleon. It roared, and the sound filled the world.

Everyone readied for battle. Kizzlorn was first to strike, and she said one word and made one gesture. The creature stopped. Its skin turned a mottled grey-green. Its roar died in its throat as it turned all to stone. Cracks and pits ran down its surface, and then, it was all solid rock. The other Knights looked at Kizzlorn with a wide-eyed stare. She stared back at them, just as unbelieving. The titan had been defeated by one simple spell of FLESH TO STONE?

The weight of the creature couldn’t be supported by its brittle stone arms. It began crumbling. Its pieces fell into the sea below in a shower of rock and dust. Only its colossal clawed hand remained at the top of the crag, flattened against the rock like a squashed spider.

“Is it over,” Jamison asked.

Orthos shrugged. “Uh… certainly looks like it.”

“Was it really weak, do you think?”

Kizzlorn said “I think I just got lucky, and happened upon something it had little or no defense against right away. Everything has a weakness.”

Jamison paused then said “Yeah, but… but it was a TITAN.”

No one could do anything but shrug and wonder at it all. They descended the stairs and found the ship missing. Smashed timbers floated on the foam. Pyterie was soaked, trembling at the bottom of the stairs, huddled against the slime-coated rock. “M-my ship,” he muttered. That was about all they could get him to say.

With no ship, all that could be done was teleporting to town and chartering another ship to come and fetch everyone. Nanny could not be teleported at all- otherwise they all might have gone at once. It took a day, but it was done.

They slept in an inn once they reached Whiteport.

Next: Things get dangerous