Arbados, you have a serious problem. This man is a danger to you and your unit. You don't want to go reaching for some dice one day only to find your hand in a puddle of goo that used to be the elven ranger's face.
My group has a tried-and-true method of handling slackers. It's known as a "CODE ORANGE":
Have a big sleepover one night and make sure your chicken


pal there gets the top bunk. Then once he's fast asleep, jam a rolled-up sock into his mouth and have the rest of your friends pull the sheets down real tight so that he can't move. You then commence to beating the living hell out of him with a pillowcase full of oranges. Whisper to him "You like fighting orcs, don't ya fatboy? DON'T YA??"
Beat him mercilessly until he either nods his head with total enthusiasm or you have a pillowcase full of pulp. If he stops breathing, just pull the sock out of his mouth and toss the oranges into the trash, then jump into bed and remain there until the next morning. If performed correctly, the oranges will not leave bruises, and if the investigators asked about all the rinds, you can tell them you were just making homemade juice. They can't prove nuthin'!
My group has a tried-and-true method of handling slackers. It's known as a "CODE ORANGE":
Have a big sleepover one night and make sure your chicken




Beat him mercilessly until he either nods his head with total enthusiasm or you have a pillowcase full of pulp. If he stops breathing, just pull the sock out of his mouth and toss the oranges into the trash, then jump into bed and remain there until the next morning. If performed correctly, the oranges will not leave bruises, and if the investigators asked about all the rinds, you can tell them you were just making homemade juice. They can't prove nuthin'!