Spoilers The Great Wall (2016)

[jian]

Just watched this, and it’s honestly a lot less of a car crash than I was expecting. No, it’s not as great a film as many of those who took part (Andy Lau, Pedro Pascal, Zhang Yimou, Willem Dafoe, Matt Damon, etc) deserve or can produce, but it’s still pretty fun.

For those who don’t know, The Great Wall is a US/Chinese collaborative movie about a pair of 11th-century European mercenaries looking for gunpowder who end up imprisoned on the eponymous wall. That’s because the wall isn’t a partial defence against northern tribes and invaders but a massive full defence against an ongoing alien invasion. The presence of the Taotie - swarming hive-mind alien monsters who’ve been attacking China every sixty years for centuries - is a state secret and the Wall is the only defence, especially given that the Northern Song imperial capital of Bianjing (modern day Kaifeng) is only a few days’ ride to the south.

And of course, it’s ahistorical as hell! It’s basically a D&D fantasy film about soldiers who have to defend their wall against a massive and regular troll invasion force led by a troll queen who has organic radio. The Crane Squadron (women in blue armour who leap off the wall on bungee ropes to stab monsters and then get pulled back up) are nonsense but the sort of cool nonsense D&D players would come up with based on the combat rules. And of course there’s this scene, paraphrased:

Chinese officer: Are you telling me that you somehow soloed this CR 7 monster?

(William nods and performs a DC 25 feat of archery.)

Officer: Oh, you’re a 15th level fighter! You should have led with that.

Has anyone else seen it? Liked it? Disliked it?

 

[Mannahnin]

Just watched this, and it’s honestly a lot less of a car crash than I was expecting. No, it’s not as great a film as many of those who took part (Andy Lau, Pedro Pascal, Zhang Yimou, Willem Dafoe, Matt Damon, etc) deserve or can produce, but it’s still pretty fun.

For those who don’t know, The Great Wall is a US/Chinese collaborative movie about a pair of 11th-century European mercenaries looking for gunpowder who end up imprisoned on the eponymous wall. That’s because the wall isn’t a partial defence against northern tribes and invaders but a massive full defence against an ongoing alien invasion. The presence of the Taotie - swarming hive-mind alien monsters who’ve been attacking China every sixty years for centuries - is a state secret and the Wall is the only defence, especially given that the Northern Song imperial capital of Bianjing (modern day Kaifeng) is only a few days’ ride to the south.

And of course, it’s ahistorical as hell! It’s basically a D&D fantasy film about soldiers who have to defend their wall against a massive and regular troll invasion force led by a troll queen who has organic radio. The Crane Squadron (women in blue armour who leap off the wall on bungee ropes to stab monsters and then get pulled back up) are nonsense but the sort of cool nonsense D&D players would come up with based on the combat rules. And of course there’s this scene, paraphrased:

Chinese officer: Are you telling me that you somehow soloed this CR 7 monster?

(William nods and performs a DC 25 feat of archery.)

Officer: Oh, you’re a 15th level fighter! You should have led with that.

Has anyone else seen it? Liked it? Disliked it?

I have not seen it, and had heard bad things, but this summary makes me want to watch it with some D&D buddies and beer.

 

[aco175]

I seen it twice and it was ok. Had a few moments of cool abilities and stunts. Not as much subtitles as I expected. Kind of a goofy premise with alien monsters and such, but like D&D just go with it.

I recall something about the movie not being able to do certain things or could only show China in a certain light because Hollywood and China market and such. Have not heard if there is a 'director's cut' with more scenes.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

I agree with the OP’s assessment of this movie. An enjoyably silly D&Dish fantasy adventure.

 

[Aeson]

And great looking armor. The armor was probably my favorite part. Yes it seems like a D&D movie. Put it in Kara-Tur and it'll fit right in.

If you haven't seen it The Gorge would fall into a similar category. When they go into the gorge it seems like a real fun adventure module.

 

[sevenbastard]

The Gorge would fall into a similar category. When they go into the gorge it seems like a real fun adventure module.

Agreed the Gorge feels like the set up for a good old fashion site based module.

Has anyone else seen it?

I saw and and really dont remember much about it. But maybe it would make a good minature skirmish game.

 

[Alzrius]

I recall something about the movie not being able to do certain things or could only show China in a certain light because Hollywood and China market and such. Have not heard if there is a 'director's cut' with more scenes.

I haven't seen the film, but as I recall it was a Chinese production.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

And great looking armor. The armor was probably my favorite part. Yes it seems like a D&D movie. Put it in Kara-Tur and it'll fit right in.

View attachment 426592
If you haven't seen it The Gorge would fall into a similar category. When they go into the gorge it seems like a real fun adventure module.

The Gorge is the mutant offspring of a RomCom and Doom.

 

[Tonguez]

I didnt watch it perse but kids were in the background while we were doing other stuff. I recall it as a terrible movie that makes no sense but yeah the Crane Squadron running down the walls was very cool.

It would make a great DnD scenario

 

[jian]

I didnt watch it perse but it kids were in the background while we were doing other stuff. I recall it as a terrible movie that makes no sense but yeah the Crane Squadron running down the walls was very cool.

It would make a great DnD scenario

The plot makes complete sense, honestly, for a D&D movie. Two PCs come to China to steal the secret of black powder but end up in a massive ongoing siege against troll monsters. One of them decides to help out, one of them is more interested in getting back home. It turns out that the troll monsters are controlled by a queen troll who controls them telepathically. The heroic PC helps the locals to murder her and thus the entire troll species. The other PC (who’s been locked up for stealing black powder) is justifiably annoyed at missing out on so much sweet XP.