The Laws of the Dungeon

[wedgeski]

Never trust a dead end.

 

[xmanii]

You don't have to run fast, just faster then the slowest person.

 

[crazy_cat]

If you can kill something, you can take its stuff.

And more importantly....

If it has Stats - you can kill it (and then take its stuff )

 

[heirodule]

More rules:

Sleeping in a dungeon should always be done inside a rope trick.

And when you do, be ready for nagas with transdimensional spell.

 

[IamTheTest]

You don't have to run fast, just faster then the slowest person.

err...the dwarf?

 

[Brimshack]

If you post a rear gaurd the character will be waisted as the DM would never attack your party from behind.
If you do not post a rear gaurd, you can count on the party being attacked from behind.

If the party is ambushed, enemy will spontaneously appear on all 4 sides at the same time.
If you ambush an enemy, you will learn very quickly just how difficult it is to coordinate attacks from even 2 sides.

If you shoot first, the NPC you kill will be the one whose help you really needed.
If you talk first, the NPC will prove mihself to be an enemy you can't aford to givethe first attack.

Whatever skill set you did not bring into the dungeon will prove to be the one most needed.

 

[Aeson]

Don't kill your cleric.

 

[Hussar]

The cleric will ALWAYS be the rear guard.

Genetics schmenetics, ANYTHING can breed true.

Creatures that live in complete darkness do not become blind, but rather develop supersight that lets them see in the dark.

No matter what, the elf will always be claustrophobic.

Monsters that can turn you to stone will frequently have stone to flesh magics in their trove.

The air in dungeons is so full of nutrients that creatures never need eat.

Any creature that attempts to eat you is merely confused.

Only actual dungeon inhabitants will only be encountered in a chamber of some kind. Any encounter in a passageway is merely someone who is lost.

 

[Zimri]

Rule 0.1 : What happens in the dungeon stays in the dungeon!!

 

[Michael Morris]

Continuing...

• Incoming fire has the right of way.
• There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
• Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo or spells.
• Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
• The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: 1. when you're ready for them. 2. when you're not ready for them.
• Teamwork is essential, it gives the DM someone else to try to kill.
• If you can't remember, then the glyph of warding is pointed at you.
• The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
• A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
• If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
• Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
• If you build yourself a dungeon that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
• When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
• Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
• There is no such thing as an atheist when it's time for the cleric to cast raise dead.
• A bomb with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
• Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
• If at first you don't succeed throw a bigger fireball.
• Exceptions test the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
• No plan of battle survives first contact with the enemy.
• The DM never listens to your side conversations until you criticize the game.
• The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
• One kobold is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
• Freshly polished armor is a cue for the DM to start a hail storm.
• Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
• When you have plenty of hit points you never miss. When you're desperately low you can't hit and enemies won't miss their saves or attack rolls.
• Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
• The complexity of a magic item is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
• Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
• The tough part about being the DM is that the players don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
• To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
• A scar just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
• Murphy was a grunt.