The Sudden Approach of Unexplainable Power: OOC

[unleashed]

Okay, next editing run, as I'm through posts 4 and 5.

In Post #4
but I end up saving more often than not (should be saving him more)

In Post #5
Elistra wasn’t unable to out run the beast (should be was unable or wasn't able)

upon the hobgoblin’s chest.
Ischarus spoke once more, (missed a spacing line between these two paragraphs)

 

[unleashed]

Okay, only one more correction through posts 6 and 7.

In Post #7
Shauvry get made at the fact that Elistra (should be mad)

 

[unleashed]

Had some time on my hands, so I read a little more... corrections for posts 8 through 16 follow.

In Post #8
He pulled the horse along as her tried to run down the tunnel. (should be he)

The insult was a commentary on their hyena like faces than a standardized battle cry. (should probably be faces, more than)

In Post #9
he was the last one we freed a servant boy from. I believe you were going to offer her up as a sacrifice (should be either girl for the first or him for the second)

In Post #11
If he goes into the tunnels to far we’ll lose him! (should be too)

 

[Nonlethal Force]

Wow, you are reading fast!

How do you like the story so far?

[Oh, and by the way - you are now beyond my editing. So ... that means you may likely encounter more errors than before. ]

 

[unleashed]

Well, the reading is going a bit faster, since you cut down on the number of words per post.

The story so far is good... very flavourful.

Okay, I'll continue to run my eye over things as I progress, and maybe it'll save you having to go back over it yourself.

 

[unleashed]

Updated Aekalos' money for all the bits and pieces that have taken place since he arrived in town.

 

[Nonlethal Force]

Had some time on my hands, so I read a little more... corrections for posts 8 through 16 follow.

In Post #8
He pulled the horse along as her tried to run down the tunnel. (should be he)

The insult was a commentary on their hyena like faces than a standardized battle cry. (should probably be faces, more than)

In Post #9
he was the last one we freed a servant boy from. I believe you were going to offer her up as a sacrifice (should be either girl for the first or him for the second)

In Post #11
If he goes into the tunnels to far we’ll lose him! (should be too)

All fixed. Thanks. I'm through editing post 18 now. Phew there were a bunch of stuff I corrected. Not necessarily stuff that was wrong ... just clunky sentence constructions.

I also removed the reference to kobolds. They are now small, reptilian creatures with yellow eyes. More generic means less dependant on WotC, right?

 

[unleashed]

I also removed the reference to kobolds. They are now small, reptilian creatures with yellow eyes. More generic means less dependant on WotC, right?

I suppose, thought you do have gnolls in the bit I've read so far. Really, as long as you decribe them once, someone knows what they are and mentions it, why not use the name. After all, it's not one of the Product Identity monsters missing from the SRD.

 

[Nonlethal Force]

I suppose, thought you do have gnolls in the bit I've read so far. Really, as long as you decribe them once, someone knows what they are and mentions it, why not use the name. After all, it's not one of the Product Identity monsters missing from the SRD.

Yeah, I figured that. [And I forgot about the gnolls. ]

I guess maybe I just don't like the word kobold. I'll have to think on it....

 

[unleashed]

Well, you'll just have to come up with an Enigmatica name for kobolds then, won't you.