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Tickleberry's continuing adventures or "Killer Kobalds, from Where?"

Tickleberry

First Post

After saving Briniford, whether they liked being saved or not, we decided to go back to Hartsford. Setting up camp one night, I noticed that the "natural impression" the fire was in was anything but. It was a giant's footprint. Naturally, I point this out to the rest of the party, and start looking around for what made it. I notice off in the distance a great glowing shape. I nominate the most capable to investigate: the dwarven maid we picked up.
I have a personal policy to let the tougher individuals scout; they have a better chance of surviving any encounter long enough for the rest of us to show up in time to save them. Ten minutes after she left, we started after her.
When we arrived on the scene, things looked bad. She looked like she was about to be crushed under an oversized shoe, and then it looked like it was trying to grab her. I was about to cut loose an arrow at it when I finally made out what she was saying.
"Iff'n ye be wantin' me t' help ye, yer gonna hafta hold still, ye big galoot." The big galoot in question was rather mismade; it looked like an oversized, underfed clown.
Billen, being so helpful, said "Oh, you want it free? How about this?" He cuts it free, and the thing nearly falls on him. I knocked him out of the way (of course I make sure I'm out of the way, too). A stinking cloud envelopes us, along with a curious popping type sound. We see that the arms and legs are wooden, but there is definitely something moving, struggling, in the center of the mass.
I clamber up there, and start trying to cut it free. Glim, the gnome cleric, tries a command to make it calm down. It doesn't work, but it sure got still when I pointed out that I might cut it if it didn't. There were four scars on its head, it had a clown nose, but under all that, it was the BARD!
I might have hugged him too hard, if his blue face was any indication, and it took me a minute after that to notice the gag. Okay, I was over excited, but where else besides a ballad does a friend come back from the dead?
Once I let him tell his story, this is what we found out: The illithid was only partially successful in planeshifting the bard out of there; he landed in a cloud giants' nursery. They put him to work as a plaything. A band of adventurers freed him, and he wound up here with his oversized stilt shoe stuck. Now, he was back with us. Did I mention I was glad to see him? (No, not THAT kind of glad!)
We stopped at a little village along the way. Billen, always open to an opportunity, looked at the postings on the Tavern door. He had to ask the perennial old man about one of them. "Why are you offering a gold a head on kobolds?"
"N'un believe me, but, a few days ago, I seen kobolds fallin' outta that cloud over thar. Nun of'em were hurt by it neither. N'un but me seen it, but they all seen that thar cloud hain't moved an inch since it got thar. Now, a day 'er so af'en I seen them kobolds fall, the Barnes, and their barn, disappeart.
N'nen, two of 'em walked inta town, purty as you pleased, n' tried t' set th' gen'ral store on fire. Purty surprised, too, when we kilt 'em. Hollered somthin' sounded like 'Kalamazoo'." He waved over toward the village gate. "Their heads 're over thar."
"If we undertake such a job, we'll need more than a gold a head." Billen always did try for more than the going rate.
"Ye'll haveta ask Mayor Folmar 'bout that."
"Where might I find him?" The old man waved toward the mayor's place.
Billen, with his usual panache, got us a twelve hundred fifty advance, with seven hundred fifty to be paid upon completion. Mayor Emory Folmar (player's note: Montgomery Al injoke) was a politician, and as such, gave Billen plenty of ammunition to use in monetary negotiations. I could learn a lot from him. With the consideration of ten percent of any loot, and the fact we would indubitably help his reputation in time for re-election, we got a very good deal. Now to kill kobolds.
We literally found nothing at the Barnes' place. The house and barn were completely gone. There were no animals, and there were no tracks. However, we did find a pile of dirt at the nearby creek. Dirt like you'd find digging a well. There were wood chips we could see, and who knows what else. We found the barn and house. Probably found what had happen to the Barnes family. The lack of tracks were soon explained: they were being wiped away. We found part of a track that had been swept. It belonged to a kobold. We decided to come back at night, and try to find the kobolds it belonged to.
This time, they make me scout. Well, I have plenty of cover, and it is dark. I am the quietest of the bunch, and hopefully no one will ever know I'm here. At the edge of the corn, I see three parties of kobolds. Each party has a giant weasel, and about ten kobolds apiece.
Using the corn for cover, we managed to wipe out two parties before they even knew we were there. Two almost got away. One I caught with an arrow, and Billen had his dog fetch the other. The lieutenants almost give you a fight, and a weasel bite hurts! Celwyn actually had the presence of mind to save one for questioning.
The other party had headed for town. We head for town as fast as we can. They aren't there. We find out what other farms are on the way to town, backtracking each one toward the Barnes' place. Nothing at the Hughes', or Waltons' place. We find the Ingals waiting for us with crossbows. They kindly point the way the survivors went.
It's in the woods, and there's some light to check for traps by, and I narrowly miss a snare. That's when I start using a long stick, and find a kobold with a crossbow. I jump out of the way, and find a nearby tree to climb. What we have found are two fortified wooden pillboxes full of crossbow toting kobolds.
The dwarf jumps on top of one, and starts hacking her way in. Celwyn sets a flare off in one. Fire seems to be a good idea, since there isn't much to aim for through arrow slits. I light a fire arrow, and send it into the pillbox not being redesigned by a dwarf. I hear Celwyn cackle with glee. Then I see both boxes erupt with light. I do it again. He does his spell again. About this time, the dwarf gets through the top of hers. She descends to do some hacking of her own on kobolds. The other pillbox is blown open. Kobolds spill out for Billen, Glim, and Larry to play with. Suddenly, I see a party with two weasels descend on the fighters. The two weasels and the kobold leader aim for Billen. They miss him, and I explode one weasels head. Even with the influx, we are soon done.
The dwarf discovers tunnels in the pillbox, and enters following a kobold. The kobold turns and fires, and it does little damage to her. She kills it in one stroke. She journeys a little farther, and finds a trap the hard way. Thats when she decides to burn the tunnels clear. She empties about ten flasks of oil into the tunnel as she backs out. A kobold, uttering a shrill "kalamazoo!" lights off the oil before she completely clears. Half her hair and beard are gone. Glim heals her.
One breaks and runs for the hill. I stop him easily with an arrow. Once all targets are down, we go inspect the hill. There are nothing but traps on it. According to the dwarf, they have extensive tunnels, and the only entrance is through the pillboxes. Oh, joy.

 
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jasper

Rotten DM
Darryl the sword speaks
Dudes check out my adventurers with this party. Look for the Adventures of Darryl the sword.

Dudes I go for chocolate brownies and look what happens.
Tickle beer got mostly right. The bard got tripped out by spaghetti face and landed a gig in rolling stones castles. Bummer dudes. The Stones kids must been a quiet riot. They dressed him up like a bozo clown from Mardi grade parades. Some adventurers let down their Hair and did a Jack in Beanstalk trick and released the bard from his contract.

We wandered into the small town. UBER Gramps starts laying down the story about flying airborne killer kobolds from kalamoo. This all when down a month ago. Then the Barnes (some noble family) and their barn disappeared. Then four kobolds try to due a voting drive in town. The locals get up in arms and lop off their heads off.

Dudes, Billen shakes down the man for some hard coin. And everyone goes to check out the Barnes place. Nothing man. Nothing man. No little house on the prairie, no barn, just a fence, and a field of corn. And a pile of dirt being wash away. Then Tickle chick finds a Kobold track.

The group hides out in corn. Night falls and suddenly. It was?.
The KOBOLDS OF THE CORN!
Billen starts having flashbacks about black pajamas and killer weed. Then the party starts?.
The group wipes out two or three dozen kobolds. And their weasel friends. Then they run back to town to stop an attack on it. The town was safe. They backtrack to the In galls to discover a dead dog and tracks back to the Barnes. They went up the hill. And the party started.
When they gain the hill the dwarf was smelling like hamburger and Tickle berry was mumbling about some heart break of hers.
The group took a captive back to town for questioning.
More later I going to go scope out the veggie pizza.
 

jasper

Rotten DM
enemy contact report

Enemy contact report 1313

Date Aug 25, 10017

Time Early Morning approx 30 after sun down.

Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: unknown
Magic users Reported: Unknown

Casualties Yes X No Number 21 Plus 2 Weasels

Missing In Action yes Number 1.

Description. Harvest squads 1 and 3 when on patrol and did not return. Further patrol discovered both squads were totally wiped out. Sgt Rock reports 21 dead, 2 weasel out of action, and 1 Mia. Names will follow. Early report indicates mixed group of normal, dogs, biggums, and horse. Weapons were light crossbows, swords, and polearms. Bodies were recovered. Casualty Report follows.
End of Report

Enemy contact report 1314
Date Aug 25, 10017
Time Midnight
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: 7
Magic User Reported: 1

Casualties Yes X No Number 31 Plus 2 Weasels

Missing in Action No

Description: Enemy unit made contact pass first perimeter. Crossbow Nest 1 and 2 lay down suppression fire while Squad 3 and 4 responded. Enemy flank both nests. Enemy to locate position crossbow nest 2 used fire arrows. Flame arrows were then flared to disrupt nests. Squads 3 and 4 attack and were wipe out to the man. Sgt Rock reported one biggum to be dwarf. Dwarf had entered nest and tunnel to be stop by first line defense. While the dwarf was attempting to oil down tunnel Corp Charlie was able to break flask held by dwarf and light off the oil causing dwarf to be injured. Award recommendation for Corp Charlie follows. Enemy unit gain top of hill and discovered false tunnel. Only Crossbow nest 1 and 2 tunnel has been discovered. Casualty Report follows.

Enemy did take the heads of all killed in action.

End of Report

Harvest Base Mess hall menu Aug 25, 10017
Eggs
Corn
Weasel
Grubs
Water.



Message from the Desk of General Eye Howiser.
We have met the enemy and they are big. But their great size can be used against them. Fight on brave troops. For the Great Cluck and food.



Message from Lt Needle mire.
To Harvest Base 1
The Emergency Magical Exit will be delivered today. Also Sergeants please remember to teach your map classes.


Message From Sgt Carter Harvest Base 1
to Scout Steal Supply Co
The unit needs are as follows:
Lumber 6 cords
Buckets 100
Picks and shovels 100
Grimtooth Traps Manual 1 (Note Pvt Pile ate the last one)
 


jasper

Rotten DM
Note from Kobold squad 5 . base. I think the normal call tickleberry have intercepted our transmissions.!.......


Just the kind kute kobolds in their smurf pjs take on what the blood thirsty invaders did.


Dm notes.
I had to cut my DMing time recently so the adventurers will be 1 or 2 shot thins.
I was watching the history channel when they did a show on the Tunnel rats and tunnels of Nam. When they showed a side view of a real complex it just scream dungeon.
Now the brave adventurers must clear out a kobold nest with the avg size being 4 by 4 high.
 

Tickleberry

First Post
The Nerve!


The nerve! The cheek! The gall! If I weren't so outraged, I might be speechless! Okay, Okay, so I need to slow down and actually tell you what happened. I'll try, but I make no promises. Here goes:

We mosied back up to that hill where we found the entry points before, and we found two (well, the bard and I did). One on the north side, and one on the south. Our fearless female dwarven fighter found singing in one, and stuck her face in for a look. She got tagged by an arrow. She was not very happy, at all.
The bard chucked a flare spell down the hole, I chucked a flame arrow, and for good measure, Billen chucked some extra oil down the pipe. It hit, toasty kobold.
Now, being the sneaky scout type I am, they wanted me to investigate. There was only one problem with their plan: it was way too dark for my halfling eyes. I have no darkvision, and you can't very well sneak with a torch, now can you? I came back up, and calmly explained this to them. (Okay, so I ranted like a harpy, happy?)
The intrepid young dwarven paladin then volunteered, until he came to a shut door. He didn't like the idea of traps, and Glim was fresh out of trap detection spells (he didn't pray for any that day). My idea was for the dwarf to cover me, and I detect, since that is in my job description. Then Billen got crafty: nobody was going down.
His first idea was to plow the whole mess under, kinda like a farmer does rabbit warrens come planting time. We couldn't, because there were too many trees and roots. Then came the next idea: plug them with trees. Heh, heh, heh.
We collapsed both tunnels, hunted for any others we might have missed, and then plugged them up with the available trees. Heh, heh, heh.
We set up camp, and set watches. Somehow, and I am still trying to figure this one out, I am always paired with the burliest party member available. I pulled watch with the paladin.
Now here comes the part that reallly kicks my gears: That blasted little ghost shows back up. First, the paladin has to have a good laugh, I get accused of playing with his affections, and then the WORST.
I've had enough, so I wake the cleric to send the little spirit back on his way. OOOOOOOHHHHHHH the outrage. He decides to be a commedian and MARRY ME To that little ghost. Sheesh. The paladin is laughing his head off, and Glim ( the gnome cleric ) is having a ball. How, may you ask, can I be married without consent?
Well, when Glim got to that part, he says "Do you Tickleberry? Yeah, of course you do" fast as you please before I could deck him for his impertinence. Then, THEN, he pushes me into the little ghost so he can KISS ME! AARAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
The only good thing that came out of this is the little ghost disappeared. Hopefully for good. He left a ring; I gave it to the gnome. Turns out it was a ring of protection (+1 in game terms)
I had a nice, looong talk about his behavior. It seemed he was ready to sacrifice ME to the ghost for his own convenience. I simply told him I would remember, and respond in kind.
Then a party really started: Forty kobolds decended on us next watch. Luckily, this time I was in my hammock, up a tree. I picked off what kobolds I could with my bow.
Billen and the dwarves were hacking them left and right (so was Larry) and the Kobolds were using Glim as a pell. Oh, they didn't hurt him, but his helmet rang for the rest of the next day (heh, heh, heh, heh).
Once we killed them, we beheaded them, and stuffed the bodies into what was left of the holes. Time to collect bounty on them. Celwyn (the bard) wanted to get some alchemist's fire. We used the bounty money to get some. I stayed behind to make fire arrows, and to take care of a little lesson in concern. (Okay, it was cheap shots at the paladin and cleric: I rubbed poison ivy all over their bed rolls and underwear. Make fun of me? Marry me to a ghost? Well, maybe this will help them remember manners.)But I had plenty of fire arrows ready, too, in case of suspicion.
Our next concern was to follow the kobolds' tracks back to where ever they came from. Here is where I got a laugh on the rest of the party. Y'see, I always believed the old man's story about where the first insurgence came from: that motionless cloud. Billen wanted to know when the old man started dipping into the bottle. He thought the old man's story might have been mostly induced by drink. I maintained no story could be that farfetched, and the cloud too coincidental and weird NOT to be the answer.
Well, my point got proved the hard way.
We got to the landing point, and was ambushed. We got whacked hard. A fireball caught the dwarf girl and Celwyn, a backstabber jumped the paladin, and two snipers started taking potshots at the rest of us.
Well, then kobolds started dropping, about forty of them, and we had about a half minute before they'd land right on top of us.
Heh, heh, heh, they were going to land in a flaming nightmare, I was going to make sure of it. The landing sight was a field of flattened corn, nicely dried out. I poured some of my lantern oil on it, and set it ablaze with my tinderbox. Billen or Celwyn caught on, and did the same. Then we concentrated firepower on the mage, hovering in the air. We got her, but the snipers got the dwarf girl.
We'll be taking her back to Hartford to be seen about. I am not losing another party member if I can help it. I won't. I still miss Ember.

 

jasper

Rotten DM
Location Kalamazoo Listening Outpost # 2
The following is transcript from the last transmission ?

Sgt Klarence Pepper ? Tea a mot loves all the children. Yellow, green, red, black and white are pretty colors. Tea a mot loves all the children. Yellow, green, red, black and white are blessed colors. That is fact. Hark what light appears at yon end of the tunnel! Bless my lonely heart; it is a bigger dwarf class. Suck crossbow bolt imperial capitalistic pig. Power to the kobolds. The small shall toss the big people down and bring them low. ?

Sounds of crossbow fire. Faint voices from evil adventurers group.

Sgt Klarence Pepper, ? Hey Colonel Custard there is an adventurer up there??

Sounds of spells going off.

Sgt Klarence Pepper,? Die biggums?. AAARGH!?

At 0833 hrs on August 29,10017 listening post two went silent.

A platoon was dispatched from base camp.
End of report.


Enemy contact report 1320
Date Aug 29, 10017
Time 1205 hrs
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: 7
Magic User Reported: 1

Casualties Yes X No Number 40 KIA

Charlie platoon attack in force on top of hill. The whole unit was destroyed. Enemies defaced and beheaded all the bodies.



Enemy contact report 1320
Date Aug 29, 10017
Time 1500 hrs
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1


Number of Enemy reported 10

Casualties Yes No X

Enemy has employed native workers from Heft?s mansion. And plows from Ingall?s estate. Enemy has cut down trees from top of base. They used trees to plug tunnel exit one, two and three. Also found body parts of Charlie platoon buried in exits.

Suggest attack in force.


Enemy contact report 1321
FINAL FINAL FINAL
Date Aug 30, 10,017

Captain Mempo and Colonel Patton Report.

Led by a glorious leader the Kline the Cool, we attack the enemy in coordinated attack. Delta platoon jumped as soon as enemy presented themselves under home base. Capt Mempo and others attack the outer group of adventurers. Kline had hidden unit using fly, and invisibility spells. We attacked with surprise on our side. When the enemies resisted two fireballs, our leader order us to fall back and let the platoon take care of them. As we fly up toward home base, all the enemies targeted our leader.
Kline died while within two hundred feet of home base. His fly spell failed at this time and he splattered all over the cornfield.
The enemy destroyed delta platoon.
Harvest base one was ordered to withdraw. After all living members were safe on home base; we were able to recover magic welcome mat carpet.
The locks were released on home base one. We hope to float to greener pastures and recruiter new spell casters.
The great cluck continues to produce magic feathers.
End of report.
 

Tickleberry

First Post
What the Cluck?


What gives with this cluck business, I want to know? Really, I mean, are we doing Jack and the beanstalk here?
Oh well, only time and hobbit curiosity will tell. I got some great news today, though: cousin Bolo is back!
I found a posting at a local tavern, about some storytelling game of his, and I caught up with him.
Boy, he's grown some since last I saw him. We played adventurers when we were little, and now we are. We'll be keeping in touch, and I may pass along a snippet or two as we go. (If things slow down again, especially). It's so great, two halflings means quadruple the fun! (Especially Brandybucks)
 

jasper

Rotten DM
the dm speaks

The great cluck is magic rooster, which grows a feather of feather fall each day. Which explains the airborne kobolds from the sky. Bonus to the reader who remembers the article from dragon which I stole this idea.
The plugging the tunnels with trees was my npc idea. Two of my players refuse to play tunnel rats. They kept trying to come up with ideas and I kept shooting them down. Of course I thought someone would bring a spell caster in and cast a dig spell and flood the tunnels.
 

Tickleberry

First Post
The Player Speaks


Ha! What Spellcaster? We don't have one, but I'll let Celwyn address that idea. Plugging the tunnels had already been brought up, I don't exactly remember who, but remembering a certain dm's reaction, I don't think it was his. ( "I didn't expect this" ring a bell, Jasper ?)
Anyway, with three characters who have dark vision too big to navigate the tunnels, and the sneaky one without darkvision, it would have been suicide to go in. So we found a way around it: collapsing and plugging. We have two main strategists in the party, Rami (who plays Billen), and Butch ( who plays Celwyn). Joe only thinks he's a strategist (he's the dwarven paladin). However, to give the boy his due, he does come up with good ideas once in a while. Right now, the only npc is Larry, and we keep forgetting about him.
 

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