Kickstarter Trying Not to Repeat my Mistakes?

[ismrpg]

I had a failed KS 4 years ago - essentially no advertising. This time I'm trying to do it right. I think I have a genuine product that offers something different but I'm a one person show and about to hit the button on some advertising for the campaign. I'm very nervous about having it fail, losing more money and really want some feedback on the landing page: Get 40% Off the Deluxe Set of Interstellar Mercenary: The Roleplaying Game and Campaign

• Do you get a sense of the type of game?
• Is it clear that I want people to sign up?
• Does it feel compelling?

Thanks for any help!

Chad

 

[aco175]

@ismrpg welcome to the site. I get the idea that the game is an outer space D&Dish RPG where you get to play a monster/killer. Maybe make it clear that it is a new game and does not use other system's rules like 5e or d6 or whatever else there is. I'm not a fan of the font used in all the bullet points. Mostly since I'm old and reading it does not flow for my eyes. I can read it, but it took longer that I would have liked. Another idea of to provide a sample of a PC or a page from the book telling about a race or class one can play.

It is not for me, but good luck. I'm not a fan or outer space D&D or other RPGs once things start to get too fantastic. I also would not want to learn another system of play. If it was tied to 5e or Spelljammer, then I see more people looking at it.

 

[Morrus]

For me, the headline being "Get 40% Off the Deluxe Set of Interstellar Mercenary: The Roleplaying Game and Campaign" is probably not the right hook. I'd have that headline tell me what it is, not what it costs.

 

[nevin]

it seems a little unfocused. Reading through all that I still don't really have a feel for what the game is supposed to be like. Nothing about the empire other than they exist, no reasons for why the "good guys" are fighting them. from a marketing perspective you should be giving the reader of the web page something to make them WANT to go defeat the empire. Right now it's so generic I don't even know if the empire or the players are the bad guys. Looks like you've put a ton of work into it but it needs something to grab the reader right off the bat and make them want to get involved.

edit: I'd probably play up the suicide squad, and desperation vibe, of the empire that is desperate enough to empty it's prisons to avoid annihilation.

 

[ismrpg]

it seems a little unfocused. Reading through all that I still don't really have a feel for what the game is supposed to be like. Nothing about the empire other than they exist, no reasons for why the "good guys" are fighting them. from a marketing perspective you should be giving the reader of the web page something to make them WANT to go defeat the empire. Right now it's so generic I don't even know if the empire or the players are the bad guys. Looks like you've put a ton of work into it but it needs something to grab the reader right off the bat and make them want to get involved.

edit: I'd probably play up the suicide squad, and desperation vibe, of the empire that is desperate enough to empty it's prisons to avoid annihilation.

Awesome, thanks for the feedback. You're so right, I'll work more on the hook.

 

[ismrpg]

@ismrpg welcome to the site. I get the idea that the game is an outer space D&Dish RPG where you get to play a monster/killer. Maybe make it clear that it is a new game and does not use other system's rules like 5e or d6 or whatever else there is. I'm not a fan of the font used in all the bullet points. Mostly since I'm old and reading it does not flow for my eyes. I can read it, but it took longer that I would have liked. Another idea of to provide a sample of a PC or a page from the book telling about a race or class one can play.

It is not for me, but good luck. I'm not a fan or outer space D&D or other RPGs once things start to get too fantastic. I also would not want to learn another system of play. If it was tied to 5e or Spelljammer, then I see more people looking at it.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll review the font choice, I think the outlined text might make it hard work to read.

 

[ismrpg]

For me, the headline being "Get 40% Off the Deluxe Set of Interstellar Mercenary: The Roleplaying Game and Campaign" is probably not the right hook. I'd have that headline tell me what it is, not what it costs.

Good suggestion, I'll change the title to focus on the game rather than the discount. Nobody will care about the discount if they don't want the game anyway!

 

[ismrpg]

Ok, with the feedback so far, how is this looking now?