Kae'Yoss
First Post
(The original is found here)
Unhallowed Preview 10
Common as muck
D&D is a world of heroes. At least, that's what the ads tell you: Dragonslaying... Dragonslayers, Paladins that wrestle down demons with ease, Wizards for whom reality is but a toy, priests who are on friendly terms with the gods, rogues who think Stealing The Fire From The Gods is a cake-walk not even worth their time. Of course, your average D&D world has dozens of such heroes. And millions of common people, whose arch-nemesis is daily work, words with three or more syllables, or just boredom.
Today, for once, we managed to run away from the media frenzy the PR machinery is propagating, and we're able to experience your average D&D character how he really goes about his day's work!
Knight of the Chalice
All those knights and paladins might seem very virtuous riding along on their big white chargers, the noonday sun gleaming off their steel armour, but if you'd encounter them in the evening, in a tavern, without their armour, you wouldn't recognize them. In fact, this happens to you all the time! Without the armour to keep them sitting upright, their holy symbol left behind (or pawned for booze money), they're fighting the demon Al'Co-Hol with a fervour unmatched by other mortals.
Of course, they wouldn't admit it, most of them. Except there's a number of paladins and knights who are actually proud of being the noisiest drunkards in the world. They call them selves Knights of the Chalice after what they drain ceaselessly all night. You thought those paladins were facing demons and worse, fearlessly, because of some divine grace? Better think again. All those war cries seem a bit slurred...
This elven lass is is a poster child of the order's virtues: In one hand she holds a try, ready to bear a dozen chalices brimming with "holy water", and she proudly demonstrates that she's so drunk that not even her longsword can stand straight.
Duergar Cattle Drover
Duergar Champions and warriors and steeders and clerics of their deity of sulkiness are fine and well, but your average grey dwarf, a very depressing fellow, usually doesn't bother becoming an adventurer, for he knows it's just as boring as normal life most of the time, it's damn unconfortable to sleep in a bedroll in some damp forest, and those moments of excitement are often your last.
This particular breed of duergar finds that normal cows are less dangerous to chase around than minotaurs or the like, and he's off to his favourite pastime: branding the cattle. The fun part is that you can scorch someone's backside and they can't hurt you back because they're in a stable. (Of course, this misconception prevents duergar cattle drovers to reach higher levels)
Bugbear Used Weapons Salesmen
One thing most adventurers never think about is where all their used loot goes to. They handwave the selling sprees away with "50% market price, right?" and go on to look into the books for the next magic item to buy. This is why most players never learn that they're routinely doing business with bugbears, who for some reason have cornered the used weapons market. This particular mountebank is trying to sell a rusty mace: ("GO GET THE MACE OF THE TITANS! WIELDED BY ST.CUTHBERT HIMSELF! ALL PAPERS AND INSPECTIONS ARE IN ORDER") and what is probably supposed to be a hammer of sorts ("ONLY TODAY: MJOLNIR, THE LEGENDARY HAMMER OF THUNDERBOLTS! ONLY 150 ROUNDS OF MILEAGE, PREVIOUSLY OWNED BY A SCOUT WHO USED SPRING ATTACK MOST OF THE TIME!")
Of course, once the new "Thor" returns to bugbear's stall to return his "Mjolnir" because the head fell of after his first attack roll (if he survives it, that is. Usually if you find yourself weaponless amongst a horde of orcs, you won't have the chance to return to the salesmen), whatever bugbear will be there at the time will adamantly deny ever selling this piece of crap, and he's only been here for two hours, and anyway in the sales contract this is covered explicitly in the "first strike rule", and....
Unhallowed Preview 10
Common as muck
D&D is a world of heroes. At least, that's what the ads tell you: Dragonslaying... Dragonslayers, Paladins that wrestle down demons with ease, Wizards for whom reality is but a toy, priests who are on friendly terms with the gods, rogues who think Stealing The Fire From The Gods is a cake-walk not even worth their time. Of course, your average D&D world has dozens of such heroes. And millions of common people, whose arch-nemesis is daily work, words with three or more syllables, or just boredom.
Today, for once, we managed to run away from the media frenzy the PR machinery is propagating, and we're able to experience your average D&D character how he really goes about his day's work!
Knight of the Chalice
All those knights and paladins might seem very virtuous riding along on their big white chargers, the noonday sun gleaming off their steel armour, but if you'd encounter them in the evening, in a tavern, without their armour, you wouldn't recognize them. In fact, this happens to you all the time! Without the armour to keep them sitting upright, their holy symbol left behind (or pawned for booze money), they're fighting the demon Al'Co-Hol with a fervour unmatched by other mortals.
Of course, they wouldn't admit it, most of them. Except there's a number of paladins and knights who are actually proud of being the noisiest drunkards in the world. They call them selves Knights of the Chalice after what they drain ceaselessly all night. You thought those paladins were facing demons and worse, fearlessly, because of some divine grace? Better think again. All those war cries seem a bit slurred...
This elven lass is is a poster child of the order's virtues: In one hand she holds a try, ready to bear a dozen chalices brimming with "holy water", and she proudly demonstrates that she's so drunk that not even her longsword can stand straight.
Duergar Cattle Drover
Duergar Champions and warriors and steeders and clerics of their deity of sulkiness are fine and well, but your average grey dwarf, a very depressing fellow, usually doesn't bother becoming an adventurer, for he knows it's just as boring as normal life most of the time, it's damn unconfortable to sleep in a bedroll in some damp forest, and those moments of excitement are often your last.
This particular breed of duergar finds that normal cows are less dangerous to chase around than minotaurs or the like, and he's off to his favourite pastime: branding the cattle. The fun part is that you can scorch someone's backside and they can't hurt you back because they're in a stable. (Of course, this misconception prevents duergar cattle drovers to reach higher levels)
Bugbear Used Weapons Salesmen
One thing most adventurers never think about is where all their used loot goes to. They handwave the selling sprees away with "50% market price, right?" and go on to look into the books for the next magic item to buy. This is why most players never learn that they're routinely doing business with bugbears, who for some reason have cornered the used weapons market. This particular mountebank is trying to sell a rusty mace: ("GO GET THE MACE OF THE TITANS! WIELDED BY ST.CUTHBERT HIMSELF! ALL PAPERS AND INSPECTIONS ARE IN ORDER") and what is probably supposed to be a hammer of sorts ("ONLY TODAY: MJOLNIR, THE LEGENDARY HAMMER OF THUNDERBOLTS! ONLY 150 ROUNDS OF MILEAGE, PREVIOUSLY OWNED BY A SCOUT WHO USED SPRING ATTACK MOST OF THE TIME!")
Of course, once the new "Thor" returns to bugbear's stall to return his "Mjolnir" because the head fell of after his first attack roll (if he survives it, that is. Usually if you find yourself weaponless amongst a horde of orcs, you won't have the chance to return to the salesmen), whatever bugbear will be there at the time will adamantly deny ever selling this piece of crap, and he's only been here for two hours, and anyway in the sales contract this is covered explicitly in the "first strike rule", and....
