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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Bagpuss" data-source="post: 8929095" data-attributes="member: 3987">Shared this on the Pendragon Facebook group and someone used the same prompt to produce the following fun alternatives.Trashy tabloid style:EXCLUSIVE: KNIGHTS IN SHOCKING SCANDAL!The Perin, Dervil, and Derfan's wild adventure in Imber village will leave you stunned! These so-called "squires" were put through their paces by Sir Elad, but what they got up to after their mission is a tale for the ages.These knights went from heroes to headlines when they took down the terrifying "Beast of Imber." But the real shocker came when Sir Perin slept with a married farmer's wife, Rhoswen, and got her pregnant! And if that wasn't enough, Sir Derfarn had a steamy fling with a serving maid, Cothi, that ended tragically when she died in childbirth.But the biggest shock of all? Sir Dervil, the supposed "good knight," managed to remain chaste! (We know, what a buzzkill!)These knights' wild ways didn't go unnoticed. They were knighted by Earl Roderick upon returning to Salisbury, but the drama didn't stop there. Sir Perin caught the eye of Lady Riona, the sister of a high-ranking household knight, Sir Conlao.You won't believe what happens next! Stay tuned for more juicy details on this must-read scandal.[HR][/HR] lecture by a Catholic Nun teaching high schoolers:"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take a moment to reflect upon the actions of Sir Perin, Sir Dervil, and Sir Derfarn as squires. These young men were put through their trials by Sir Elad before being given a most important mission to visit the village of Imber. There, the farmers were in grave danger from a ferocious bear, but with bravery and determination, the squires were able to defeat the beast.However, in the aftermath of their triumph, the squires strayed from the path of righteousness. Sir Perin committed a grave sin by engaging in immoral conduct with the wife of a farmer, resulting in the conception of a child. Sir Derfarn also engaged in such behavior with a serving maid, leading to her untimely death in childbirth and the birth of a bastard child.On the other hand, I am pleased to report that Sir Dervil demonstrated exemplary behavior by remaining chaste and upholding the principles of moral conduct.The squires were eventually knighted by Earl Roderick upon their return to Salisbury, but that does not excuse their previous transgressions. It is imperative that we hold ourselves to the highest standards of moral conduct, especially those in positions of honor and leadership.In conclusion, I urge all of you to reflect upon the actions of Sir Perin, Sir Dervil, and Sir Derfarn, and strive to make choices that align with the teachings of the Catholic Church. May God guide us all on the path to righteousness."[HR][/HR]Chaucer:In days of old, when knights were bold, 'twas told of three young squires, The Perin, Dervil, and Derfan, who were tested by their sire.Sir Elad did put them through their paces, then did give a quest, To visit the fair village of Imber, where a bear did terrorize the rest.The three young knights did prove their might, and with their swords did slay, The Beast of Imber, fierce and bright, and cheered on by the villagers all day.In Imber did they hold a feast, and make much merry noise, But of the three, Sir Perin at least, did seek a farmer's comely spouse.With Rhoswen, fair and bold, he lay, and from their union, a child was born. Sir Derfarn too, did find his way, to Cothi, a serving maid forlorn.But alas, poor Cothi did depart, in childbed she did die, Leaving behind a bastard heart, the child Blaidd, who lived with a sigh.Sir Dervil, chaste and true, did abstain, from women's wily ways, And when to Salisbury they did gain, by Earl Roderick, they were knighted with praise.At court, Sir Perin did espie, a fair lady, Riona bright, Unwed sister of Sir Conlao, a household knight of Irish might.</blockquote>

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