Vampires: Mathematics Proves WotC is (un)Dead wrong

[Kae'Yoss]

What a load of bunk. Doesn't he know of the werewolf / vampire wars? Or the slayers? I mean come on, what kind of researcher is this?

Damn Invictus propaganda.

Because anyone who knows anything about vampires also knows how to kill them: a wooden stake through the hart.

Unfortunately, that is also quite fatal to normal human beings.

Of course it is. If someone annoys you, apply the usual stuff: Stake through the heart, head cut off, filled with holy wafers and bury at several different crossroads. If he was human - hey, how could you know? He had a pale complexion, talked about drinking blood, and read Anne Rice. If you're no vampire, don't act like one. I mean, come on! That's just a stake through the heart waiting to happen!

 

[Shade]

Because anyone who knows anything about vampires also knows how to kill them: a wooden stake through the hart.

Poor, poor deer.

 

[painandgreed]

Seems like the same math could be used to show that two rabbits birthing a hutch of rabbits every so often that ate so much food would eventually create a swarm of creatures that would eat everything on earth killing all life.

You have attrition due to adventurers and other vampire killers. You have rituals that prevent corpses from rising. You also have intelligent vampires that prevent their spawn from rising for just such reasons.

 

[Tyler Do'Urden]

"Costas Efthimiou"

Sounds like a vampire name if I've ever heard one. He's just trying to cover for his own activities.

 

[Moonstone Spider]

Using the same logic as this study, a single E. Coli bacteria can multiply fast enough that in 24 hours it will have consumed all matter on the planet.

For some reason creatures other than E. Coli still exist. If only we could figure out why. . .

 

[talien]

I wrote an article on precisely this--population growth of undead that rages out of control and its effects on world populations. Alas, Dragon rejected it.

One of the things I postulated as a counterbalance the Optim. It's a positive energy being that "infects" humanoids just like undead, healing them until they explode, but in doing so causing the living being to create more optims.

And of course optims immediately rush towards any undead in an attempt to destroy them. Voila, all your population problems solved!

 

[Henry]

"Costas Efthimiou"

Sounds like a vampire name if I've ever heard one. He's just trying to cover for his own activities.

I'm guessing he's Romanian, and possibly a familiar.

Costas Efthimiou...

"time has cost Ufio"

Efthimiou...
"If u the moi"

"If thou me"

Oh, my God, he IS a vamp! And he's trying to make us vamps, too! "If you are like me," indeed! I don't know who this Ufio is, but we've got to stop him!

 

[Gentlegamer]

He failed to account for the Buffy factor.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Come to think of it, his studies make sense. No, there cannot be vampires. It is proven.

In related news, a Eastern European Doctor named Uta Refson recently published an essay about how it is very healthy to sleep with the window open and wash your neck regularly. This was a follow-up to her report on how garlick is so very unhealthy!

 

[gizmo33]

Ironically, it's this lack of scientific literacy that makes the results (at least as translated by the journalist) compelling by intentionally confusing the researcher's definition of a vampire with the reader's.