[Very OT] Enron 101

[UD]

In case you were wondering how Enron came into so much trouble, here is an explanation reputedly given by an Ag Eco professor at Texas A&M, to explain it in terms his students could understand.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and you hire cowhands to help out on the ranch. You sell cattle. The economy grows and eventually you can pass the business on
and your cowhands can retire on the profits.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Now do you see why a company with $62 billion in assets is declaring bankruptcy?

 

[Lizard]

So, in short, the board at Enron saw the Mel Brooks film "The Producers" and said "Wow, what a great idea!"

 

[Zappo]

I recall seeing on a website pages and pages full of that. My favorites were the 'ism' ones:

FASCISM: You have two cows. You milk them. The government takes the milk and sells it to you.

NAZISM: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes them.

TOTALITARISM: You have two cows. The government shoots you, takes them, and then pretends neither you nor the cows ever existed.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbour has one cow. You milk all of them. You give the milk to the government. The government gives you the milk you need.

BUREAUCRATIC COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbour has one cow. You milk all of them. You give the milk to the government. The government gives you the milk that document AAL 66.5.12A says you need; the rest vanishes.

And also,

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Your neighbour shoots you and takes them.

 

[Vaxalon]

Don't they shoot Enron threads here?

 

[kenjib]

Aw, none for capitalism or democracy? Let me try.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Someone with 3,000,000 cows runs you into bankruptcy with their economy of scale, bogus lawsuits to give you insurmountable legal fees (which they can easily absorb into their overhead), and collusion with both the pharmacuetical industry and the government administration and repossesses your cows since they also own the banks that have the loan on your farm.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Fifty one percent of the people, who are vegan, decide that nobody should drink milk. The government takes your cows and you learn to be a vegan.

 

[Wormwood]

Don;t blame me...I didn't write 'em

Some random ones found online:


BRITISH: You had two cows.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you spoiled milk.

COMMUNISM -- CHINESE: You don't have any cows. The government sets up a joint venture with McDonalds.

COMMUNISM -- CUBAN: You no longer have any cows. They sailed to Miami. You still have no milk - but you do have Fidel.

COMMUNISM -- RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the government sends you to prison.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.

LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) Bovine-Americans of nonspecified gender.

TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because they are Hindu religious symbols.

UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

 

[Derulbaskul]

"FASCISM: You have two cows. You milk them. The government takes the milk and sells it to you. "

Thank you. I finally have a short definition for the Singapore system.