What Would an Evil Wizard Really Do?

[fnork de sporg]

Well, there's always the evil overlord list.

My favorite from the list was the one with your grandkids. You keep your cute little grandkids by the throne room all the time, giving them food and toys and entertainers, playing with them yourself when you have the time. When the valiant good guys show up to kill your evil ass you pull out your cute loving adolescent relatives and ask the paladin, or whoever looks the most sentimental if they don't have one, to explain to the rugrats how and why they are going to murder grandpa.




some other advice,

Get rich. Real rich. Invest wisely, in real estate if they have it.

Marry in to royalty. But don't ever be king. It's too high profile and there would be too many people lethally vying for your job.

Be a good guy. Yes, I know you are evil and cruel and all that, but you don't have to always be on. Give to charity, build hospitals, repair roads an improve the town walls. In a little while they won't mind having a necromancer move in to the center of town, and in a little while you can manage to won half the town, and if you're a good guy about it they won't mind. Always be polite, never draw a weapon. Never fight if you don't have to. Let people go, all the frigging time. A group of lawful good guy are only going to be able to stand you freeing, forgiving, and reequiping them so many times before they start to question the righteousness of their deathlust. Don't start in on the evil slavering drooling perverted torturingf undead-loving fiend-worshipping untill you are deep deep within your sound-proof non-detection enabled citadel.

Never betray their trust until you're sure you can kill every last one of them three times over in less than thirty seconds. Tne or fifteen seconds would be better, if you can get there.

No goal beyond divinity is worth striving for. Divinity is as big as it gets, and you want that. Get your allies to help you attain it, then maybe turn against them.

Never destroy what you can corrupt. Paladins make the best blackguards.

 

[Piratecat]

Ask yourself "how would the PCs destroy the life of someone three or four levels lower than them if they really hated the guy?" Then do the same things to them.

 

[Rel]

Ask yourself "how would the PCs destroy the life of someone three or four levels lower than them if they really hated the guy?" Then do the same things to them.

*shudders*

Um, Piratecat, I think you meant for this reply to appear in the "What would a hideously Chaotic Evil, Demon-Wizard do?" thread.

We're just talking about your garden variety Evil in this thread.

 

[Vahktang]

Then I'd feed them some misinformation via some cooked up prophecy that the only way to destroy me was to obtain the "Black Sword of Ubex" or some crap like that. Then I'd make sure they knew that they could only obtain the BSoU at the "alignment of the planets" (or some crap like that) five days from now at the Temple of the People Who I Don't Like. Nothing is more fun than keeping your enemies at each other's throats.

About that time I'd let word get to the party that so and so had been kidnapped and was going to be sacrificed, body and soul, half a continent away at another Temple of the People Who I Don't Like at the exact same time as the alignment of the planets. Hopefully they'll split the party and then...

Ohmigawd that's great.

 

[francisca]

Go down to the BBEG union local and get some other BBEGs. Tell them the pay is a portion of the party's gear, plus the boost to your rep as on bad mofo for taking them out. Then use them as cannon fodder and take their stuff as well as the PCs.

 

[F5]

Do some scrying/divination/whatever kind of research and find out what specific fiends and demons the PCs have royally ticked off over the course of their adventures. Then Planar Bind or Gate them in, and give them a chance to hunt down the heroes and tear into them.

BBEW: "Greetings, Balthazaar of the fifth Pit. Would you like to be teleported into the middle of the camp of the humans who burned down your Temple of Doom last year? Tonight, after they're sleeping, while they least expect it?"

Balthazaar: "...What's the catch, puny mortal?"

BBEW: "No catch, except that you have to take this small cache of magic weapons and scrolls and items with you to use on them. Keep whatever is left after they're dead. Oh, and you have to let me cast haste, Stoneskin, Improved Invisibility, protection from Good and Spell Turning on you before you go. Interested?"

Balthazaar: "Um...yes?"

Lather, Rinse Repeat with other irritated fiends until diabolical victory is achieved. Meanwhile, Big Bad Evil Wizard kicks back and catches up on his reading.

 

[Sejs]

1) work through tripple blind proxies, and make sure to eliminate the middle that middle step (disintergrate).
2) do careful research on the party, learn their abilities and use them against the party (so the wizard likes using fire spells? then he'll relay enjoy these fire elementals)
5) frame the party
6) attack the parties closest allies
7) hostages!

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist...

 

[crater]

You guys are really beginning to scare me!

 

[Al]

Scry-Buff-Teleport is always a good bet. Stacking up the Extended Summon Monster scrolls then Scry-Buff-Teleporting in with a dozen elementals is a better one.

 

[Whisper72]

I'd definately go with the Dr Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde thingy. Have the BBEG be the paragon good guy during the day. Have all the folks in the city think he is the best, friendliest etc. guy. The local hospital is named after him, the Temple to Pelor was financed by him etc. During the nights, he descends into the catacombs underneath the city where is laboratories are. From there he creates nightmarish creations, summons demons etc. as some have suggested to go after the PC's, their parents, their siblings, their neighbors etc.

Also, track their activities in the city. Murder everyone they had contact with. The investigating paladins will come up with only a single connecting thread between all the deaths... the PC's were last seen dealing with them before they died horribly...

(good stuff here!)