What's the wildest D&D story you've ever heard?

[Vyvyan Basterd]

A friend of mine ran his AD&D campaign out of the back of his hobby shop back in the late 80's. A player of his tried to describe the house rules for casting spells to me. All castings were based on a percentile roll to dtermine effectiveness, with zero indicating minimum effect and 100 indicating maximum effect. Examples given were: A roll of 100 when casting Fireball would generate a nuclear explosion that would most likely kill the caster and plunge the campaign world into a world-ending catastrophy. A roll of 100 when casting Dispel Magic would destroy all magic in the entire world (maybe multiverse, never bothered asking), causing magical creatures, such as dragons, to die instantly...every one out of one hundred castings of a spell by any caster, PC or NPC!

 

[Gronin]

"If we are in Canada, I get a +4"
overheard at a gaming shop.

IF you are in CANADA?

It is because we Canadians are especially helpful -- you get an extra big aided skill roll just by being in our sphere of influence. (+6 if there is snow involved)

 

[Gronin]

I am sure most of us have heard of the HEAD OF VECNA (for those who haven't the Wiki entry is as follows:

The Head of Vecna was a hoax that one adventuring party played on another in a campaign run by game master Mark Steuer. One of the groups tricked the other into going on a quest for the Head of Vecna, a hoax artifact that was supposedly similar to his Hand and Eye, but was simply an ordinary severed head. The hoax takes advantage of the fact that the Eye and Hand require a person to remove their own eye or hand and replace it with the artifact to function. The characters involved in the story reasoned that they needed to decapitate themselves to gain the powers of the Head of Vecna, and several members of the group actually fought over which character would get to have his head cut off and replaced. After the third character died, the joke was revealed.[20]​

I have heard numerous other versions but the central theme remains the same -- it is not real and if you cut off your own head to attach another the results are predictably fatal.

I overheard a couple of guys talking in a gaming store and one was telling the other how he now was using the Head of Vecna with his character --- I almost asked how that worked but then thought better of it.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"If we are in Canada, I get a +4"
overheard at a gaming shop.

IF you are in CANADA?

"If it wasn't for my horse, I'd never have spent that year in college." Supposedly overheard by comedian Louis Black.

 

[jonesy]

I was in London in Leisure Games with two friends and just looking for anything that might catch my eye while they were paying for their stuff when I came across this banged up copy of the The Book of Marvelous Magic on the floor.

It was scribbled full of little notes with a red fountain pen. While I was reading it wondering how it got there and wow this stuff is crazy this guy walks up next to me and remarks: "My character has all of those."

I look, and it's a guy in a yellow t-shirt that says "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap". But it wasn't a fat guy. It was a skinny tall dude with a moustache, skinny white leggings, a white vest under the t-shirt, a white bowtie, and a stack of books under one arm.

I went: "Sorry? The items in this book?"

And he came back with: "And the ones I wrote in."

And I realize it's his book. The little scribbled notes were all items. Crazy-level munchkin items. And he'd filled every available space of the book with them. Not only that, he'd changed the items already in the book with small corrections like 'shoots lasers' and 'always works'.

So I gave him the book back. And smiled a little to appease the scream in my head.

And then we went to Orc's Nest.

"If it wasn't for my horse, I'd never have spent that year in college." Supposedly overheard by comedian Louis Black.

Lewis Black - College Horse - Video Clip | Comedy Centrals Jokes.com

 

[Twowolves]

Using a Helm of Teleportation to get a backstab is SO bush-league.

Every REAL assassin knows you use oil of etherealness. Actually, two oils, one for you and one for your Stoneskin-triggering apprentice.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Oil isn't as effective in an open space with clear LoS and foes who have supernatural senses...


Just sayin'.

 

[Twowolves]

Then you wait until they aren't in an open space with clear line of sight! Duh!
(They gotta take a dump sometime, unless they don't eat, breathe or sleep....)

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Then you wait until they aren't in an open space with clear line of sight! Duh!
(They gotta take a dump sometime, unless they don't eat, breathe or sleep....)

Sometimes, my friend, fate dictates they come to you rather than you hunting them down, and you have to take the chance you have been given.

 

[Corathon]

Sometimes, my friend, fate dictates they come to you rather than you hunting them down, and you have to take the chance you have been given.

Also, it was a lich in the original example, right? So it didn't need to eat, breathe, sleep, or...dump.