Who doesn't HATE Van Helsing?

[BlackSilver]

uh... I didn't recognize Wenham either... which part did he play?

Faramir's actor was the same actor that played Karl- the gadgeteer monk. I didn't reconize him myself until three quarters of the movie had past and I have seen all three LotR movies a dozen times.

 

[Ranger REG]

Faramir's actor was the same actor that played Karl- the gadgeteer monk. I didn't reconize him myself until three quarters of the movie had past and I have seen all three LotR movies a dozen times.

But he wasn't in the Fellowship of the Ring film.

At least he got some acting range. He can be funny.

 

[Plane Sailing]

Of course, The Mummy Returns deserves undying hatred for turning one of the best main female characters in recent cinema into the usual one-note cliche.

Gosh, you just gave me a horrible flashback to "Revenge of the Sith". IYKWIMAITYD.

 

[orchid blossom]

I rented Van Helsing expecting a pulpy action flick with plenty of camp. Probably on the scale of something Bruce Campbell would make. Not particularly good, but entertaining for my $3.75.

We popped it in, turned it off after 45 minutes, and watched The Terminal again instead. It was a cringe-fest, and I just couldn't take it.

 

[Blue_Kryptonite]

Without comment on the above, my wife and sons and their friends and fiancee frequently watch the DVD we bought when it was released. One of our favourite films. My wife wants me to run a campaign in a hybrid LXG (another favourite)/Van Helsing setting. Now, I found the D&D movie to be a great film, too, so I realize that removes my credibility in its entirety from this particular group.

I thought you were saying "Jesus Christ! Vampire Hunter was a good film" until I googled it. There really is a film (Kung-Fu Action / Comedy / Horror / Musical) called Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter! I think I'll take Van Helsing over that one thanks.

MM, Google Ultrachrist.

 

[John Q. Mayhem]

That's Faramir? Awesome

Am I the only one who thought he looked/sounded like Danny Kaye?

 

[Ranger REG]

That's Faramir? Awesome

Am I the only one who thought he looked/sounded like Danny Kaye?

He could do a biographical movie of him. I mean, he's got the nose.

 

[barsoomcore]

Do you also mean that anything you do not like can not be great art to someone else who does like it?

Not at all! I'm saying it MUST BE great art to someone else who does like it. And what I find fascinating (and don't worry, I know I'm in the minority here) is discussing the whys and wherefores of WHY we like what we like. But comments like, "It wasn't great art but I enjoyed it," shut down conversation about the qualities of the film by suggesting that the very idea of treating the film seriously is foolish.

Which is frustrating for me.

 

[Klaus]

Just watched it on cable for the first time.

And I hate it.

Why? Where to begin?

Richard Roxbourgh as Vladislav Draguilia (Dracula) was terrible. I've never seen him in a performance I liked. He wasn't menacing in Moulin Rouge, he wasn't Machiavellian in LXG and he sure as hell doesn't convey "Dracula" to me. No authority, no intimidation, no nothing. And that hair (and its 80's hair clip) were atrocious.

The werewolves. The transformation itself had no coherence. Sometimes they ripped the skin, sometimes the fur grew traditionally. Once they turned into werewolves, ripping skin and clothes, they shouldn't be clothed when turning back. Yet they are.

The vampire offspring. "So this is what happens when vampires mate... They have Gremlins". Ugh. Just sire an entire village, Vlad.

The Frankenstein Monster. Those computer LEDs were terrible. The actor was terrible. I'd rather have the monster from The Young Frankenstein ("Frankonsteen!!!!").

The monk. "I'm not a monk, I'm a friar". So? You're still clergy, dude. That line makes no sense at all!

The monk and the monster riding inside a burning carriage and no sign of flames until the werewolf rips the top open? And what, the werewolf's claws are filled with gasoline or something? Not to mention the flying horses...

The CGI vs. CGI battle in the end.

The constant Tarzan impressions. "What do we do?" "I know! Let's swing from a rope!"

In the opening scene, the villagers go through a forest to reach the castle, and from there they chase the monster into a windmill. But once Van Helsing get to the same village, the castle is right ACROSS THE STREET!!!!

The villagers all go nuts when Van Helsing kills a vampire, but they had no qualms in working with Anna, even though HER FAMILY KILLS VAMPIRES FOR 400 YEARS???

So Van Helsing is the top operative for the Vatican? Why? Jekill/Hyde dies from an accident, he misses, like, 586.980 crossbow shots, he manages to get infected by the werewolf he manages to kill... Some sign of competence here, please?

The vampiresses attack during the day. They only hide when the sun breaks through a very thin layer of clouds. Were they dark gray stormclouds that dimmed the lighting of the scene, I could buy it. But the scene was clear as day!

Deus Ex Machina. The "sunlight bomb" (created by absolute accident), the "werewolf can kill dracula", the "Frankenstein monster smashing through window and hits vampire bride", "Van Helsing gets werewolf powers before turning into a werewolf, so they can enter the castle"...

There were two towers on Castle Dracula, one with the contraption, one with the cure. Anna is trapped waaay up there with the last vampire bride. The F-Monster swings around helping the monk, and it clearly shows that he's far below the towers. Yet he smashes through the tower window 1,000 feet above him???

Full Moon??? When VH and the monk arrive, Anna's brother (as a werewolf) attacks. It is clearly a full moon. When they take Frankenstein's Monster to Budapest, it is clearly a full moon. So why the heck does the monk tell VH that his first full moon will be in TWO DAYS???

Anna's father was called King of the Gipsies, yet he lived in the largest mansion in town? Gipsies! Wandering around in wagons! Fortune-tellers! Not "Houses of the Rich and Famous"!

The only enjoyable parts about this movie were Kate Beckinsale (even though her lines blew) and Josie Maran (even though she was the first bride to go).


I could've slept, but instead I stayed awake to watch this movie. I should've gone to bed...

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

"The opposite of Love is not Hate; it is Indifference." - I think Diane Chambers (Shelly Long) said that on Cheers.

I am very indifferent to Van Helsing.