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Message: <blockquote data-quote="jgbrowning" data-source="post: 662390" data-attributes="member: 5724">Well. i'll try not to respond with your tone...  ( i'll even refrain from comparing you to lepers <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />)I reasonably choose to take responsibility for my emotions reqardless of environment.  And so do you, I'm sure.  I doubt if you'd accept, "The guy sped up to cut me off in traffic and then he slowed down once he got infront of me, so I shot him" as an acceptable emotional response.Perhaps it is just the acting on that emotion you'd disagree with in the above scenerio? The shooting is what you think is wrong in that situation as opposed to the emotion of anger? Well, what if the guy just fumed and fumed and ranted and raved for four hours?  Would you think that was a "reasonable" response to being cut off in traffic?  What if he only raved for two hour?  One Hour? Thirty minutes?  Ten minutes? Two minutes? One minute? One second?  What if he didn't get angry at all? What's your reasonable emotional response here, and which of the above are unreasonable? You do the same thing I do. It's only a matter of degree. And you seem to find your response reasonable, while mine is aparantly not.I take it from this statement that a "lack of emotional control" makes something mean more than something controled? A happiness that you supposedly didn't "create" is better than a happiness you did?  Just because you control something doesn't mean it is "less real" or "less good" or "less pure" or "less deep" or "less worthwhile."and here you might what to think about all the various forms of the word control.  control just doesn't mean a "rigid grasp that chokes."  I can mean the same type of control a gardner has over his garden, he choses what he lets naturally occur and what he doesn't want to naturally occur he removes. If it will make you feel better, just substitute "responsibility" for "control." The words may have different connotations, but my use of them is pretty much synonomous.Could you please tell me where that "happiness" you were "given" comes from and how its materially different from that which im experiencing right now? <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />  I've done both and they feel rather similiar.Of course when you use loaded language like "divorced" you might feel a bit worried.  I guess if you were to just say "emotionally responsible" instead of "emotionally divorced" you'd agree with me.Remember when you were little and you'd get angry and throw a fit?  You don't do that anymore, do you? (I hope not <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />) I find it odd that when a person says they can basically control their emotions (don't misunderstand me here, i'm not in complete control and probably never will be.. but im trying to get better) your response is in lock-step with what you're saying.Yep, you emotionally respond to my statement about controlling emotions. hehe <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> I guess i'm on your list of "those you won't play with?"In general, your response is typical, and one of the reasons why i dont talk about my philosopy and prefer to let people see me and see how i am instead. the show don't tell idea. people dont think i'm such a nut after they've known me for a while and see how happy i am, and how happy i've been for years now.Most people have this idea that if you can somehow control your emotions your "bottling" them up, or your "repressing" them.  Bah! What about the possiblity that i healthily deal with them? That i very quickly feel anger and then realize its silly to get pissed off at a guy who cut me off in trafic so i simply let the anger dissapate? (and that his occurs in under a second) You do the same thing you know, you don't feel angry forever at a guy who cut you off.  I just try, with deliberate focus of will, to speed that "natural" process up, because emotions do come from within and i do utimately have control over them.The main reason why i think people tend to react the way this post seems to be reacting to me (agressive, comparing me to lepers, implying im unhealthy, etc) is that the people who respond in that manner are simply doing to me what they think i've done to them.  You seem to somehow feel like i've attacked you with my ideas. (as if what i say really means anything)  As if somehow i've attacked you as a "lesser human" because you dont believe/think/feel the way i do.  Well thats one of things i don't like about putting self elsewhere besides self. It leads to emotional responses to ideas that appear threatening. But there's really no way for me to say "I'm happy and here's how I did it" without someone thinking i'm saying "Here how you can be happy and if your not happy its your fault. oh and by the way, your not a good as i am" because the people who think that when i say what i say, are ususally the people who think what they think i said against others so they think others think that against them.This is why, i usually don't say anything.  Its simpler.  And it tends to put barriers up where i'd prefer there to be none. On this board, i've tried to become part of a community, but whenever i say something like i've said here (and in my previous posts), i always run the risk of separating myself (or having others separate me) from the community which i think i've helped be more friendly in my small way. Ideas like this are best discussed one on one, where small misunderstandings can be easily corrected almost instantaneously and where someone can get your "tone" with much more accuracy than through a text medium.joe b.</blockquote>

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