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Message: <blockquote data-quote="jdavis" data-source="post: 672443" data-attributes="member: 8704">Well I'm loyal and I'm funny, but I am a jerk. I came to the conclusion years ago to accept everything that was bad about me so there would never be any confusion about it, I'm selfish and can be horribly inconsiderate, I'm a loudmouth and I will agrue with a fish about how to swim correctly. I am the most negative person I or any of my friends have ever met. It gives me a leg up in insult contest as I never get too upset about anything that anybody ever says about me because I have said worse about myself. I try to be on my best behavior here, but trust me, you wouldn't want to work for me. Oh and when I say that I will be happy when my Grandmother dies I am telling the truth, once a person is to dead to me I waste no more emotion on them, that in itself isn't a good or healty attitude but it's just a part of me I accepted. I can be very considerate of people and be a big defender of a underdog, but in the end I'm a ass and I know it. What it was about me that made me so angry......well it was the fact that I didn't kill her. I understand where you are comming from and what you are saying but if a person wants to make you angry then eventually they will find a way. What made me get so angry was the same thing that makes everybody get angry when somebody insults you every way they know how while acting like she is trying to give you advice, then gets upset with you for questioning her judgement in belittling you, then if you get past that she decides that you are not showing her enough attention or respect so she finds another way to insult you. Very few people could hold up to that kind of onslaught, she will not quit till she gets a rise out of you, all I did was show up to visit. I didn't feel bad about myself or have any problems with myself that made me angry when I showed up, heck if she couldn't find a true insult she would just make something up. You can't forget what she did or said and look at yourself because all I did was sit on the couch. I understand what you are saying but for me it doesn't work at that level, I don't blame her for it, she is what she is but I know that there was no problem with me that I was imposing on what she said or did, she sat out to make me angry, it was her goal everytime I was around. It is a extreme example but there are extreme cases out there. I stay away I understand that it hurts me to get angry, but I can't actually say that I had any role to play in this other than being the Grandson she doesn't like (heck I never even figured out why she didn't like me). A philosophy of your just hurting yourself is fine and good but I don't live that way and I can't justify every emotion being my fault, I already figure most everything is my fault but sometimes things or people just happen that are out of the norm. That's why I am ok with the philosophy of it but it is really hard to put it into context for every person's life. I normally revert to the "fire hurts, must avoid the fire" philosophy in life.</blockquote>

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