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Message: <blockquote data-quote="barsoomcore" data-source="post: 673458" data-attributes="member: 812">I don't like the term "projecting" because it implies, well, I don't know why. Maybe it just seems so psycho-babbly to me and though you probably don't believe me, I loathe psycho-babble.Frustration comes from helplessness. Here's this cranky old woman going on and on and there's nothing you can do about it and OF COURSE it drives you batty. What I find is making me angry is my own inability to do anything. We all hate feeling helpless and anger is a common reaction.This is why, when someone cuts us off in traffic, we get so immediately furious. Because we almost got killed and there was nothing we could have done to avoid it. We're terrified, actually, and rather than be terrified we explode with anger.I need to repeat: I'm not on about fault or responsibility. Or at least not in the way you seem to be thinking. Let me try and explain. We are responsible for the things that we do, I'm sure you agree with that. Your grandma is responsible for her cranky behaviour (with the possible exception of those things that are due to aging disorders or whatever). Of course she is. Just as you are responsible for the anger you feel. It's something you're doing. You're being angry. Ergo, it's your responsibility.Just the anger, is all I'm talking about. It's not that you've done bad things. It's not like you're responsible for your grandma's behaviour or your mother's blood pressure.But you ARE responsible for your anger. For how you feel it, how you express it and how you manage it. I'm sure you agree with this.Doesn't it make sense, then, to say that you are in fact responsible for the existence of your anger? It's yours, after all. You can choose whether or not to feel it.Well, perhaps I am wrong. I don't think so, and forgive me if I say that we are all of us the worst observers of our own behaviour. I don't trust my observations about myself, and I don't trust other people's observations about themselves. You can decide for yourself where your anger comes from, and if you're comfortable making other people responsible for it then I have nothing to say against that. I only know what I have found to be the case -- that every time I have investigated, I have found that my anger erupts out of what I perceive as my own personal failures.I believe this is a law of human behaviour and I believe it reveals a powerful truth about the way our emotions and our brains work. I try it out on people whenever I get the chance.It's hard to explain and I'm often misunderstood. I appreciate your efforts.</blockquote>

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