The PCs all have rolled up their characters and have sat down to play. The DM opens the Ultimate Toolbox.
DM: Okay, is everybody ready? Excellent. All your characters are *roll* "bound by a charter or contract" and your patron is *roll* a "stuttering lady-in-waiting" who has offer you a unique reward, *roll* "an ancient or forgotten song."
Fighter: What's the stuttering lady-in-waiting's name?
DM: Umm... *roll* "Pentalis Boneburner"
PCs: WHAT?!?
DM: Oops, I rolled on the wrong table...
Cleric: Where are we?
DM: In *roll* the town of "Northspire"
Rogue: What's in this town?
DM: Um... *roll**roll**roll* The town "old and is need of repair. Walls crumble, no civic pride is evident, brick work lacks mortar," and there's a "simple large tower housing students from nearby colleges" and a "terminating vista."
Fighter: I attack the terminating vista.
Other PCs: What?!?
Fighter: It sounded threatening. Like a gazebo.
DM: So you're all at the terminating vista?
PCs: Sure...
Cleric: What's here?
DM: *roll* There's "Ricsek" a "minstrel composing while intoxicated."
Thief: He's drunk? I pick his pocket. *roll* I succeed! What do I find?
DM: *roll* HA! HA! A natural 20!
Thief: Is that good?
DM: You find a "fork."
General laughter
Fighter: Is there a tavern or inn nearby? If so, I go there.
DM: I'll say 3 in 6 there is. *roll* Yes, and its called *roll* HA! Another natural 20!"
Fighter: Oh no...
DM: It's called "Magog. A dank, horrid tavern caterting to antisocial mitfits and the like."
Fighter: What's a "mitfit?"
Cleric: I think he mean "misfits."
DM: Well, its either a typo or a new kind of monster.
Fighter: Eitherway I go Inn. Get it? Inn? Har har.
Thief: I backstab the fighter with my fork. *roll* Damn. Natural "1"
DM: Your fork breaks against the fighter's armor. And its not an Inn, its a tavern.
Cleric: You never told us our patron's name.
DM: "Pentalis Boneburner."
Fighter: I go into the tavern.
Thief: Same here.
Cleric: No. You said "Oops, I rolled on the wrong table" or something.
DM: Ok...um. It's "Pentalis Boneburner."
Cleric: But that sounds like a villain's or a hooker's name.
DM: Well...let me see, "Pentalis" is actually a wizard and "lady in waiting."
Cleric: So, our patron is a "Stuttering lady-in-waiting" wizard named "Pentalis Boneburner."
DM: Yep.
Fighter and Thief: Cleric, will you hurry up? We're gonna get drunk!
Cleric: What does she do? Did she tell us any plans.
DM: *roll* "Genocide." uh... I mean...
Cleric: Genocide!?!
The DM quickly flips to another chart, cursing himself for revealing the villain's hidden agenda. *roll* She wants you to "explore the tunnels unearthed by a previously hidden door."
Cleric: And commit genocide!
Fighter and Thief: Are we drunk yet!
DM: No.
Fighter and Thief: Oh come'on! You didn't even roll!
Thief: I wanna found out the local gossip before I get drunk anyway.
DM: *roll* You find out that this town gets "flooded every spring."
Thief: From who?
DM: *roll* From the "Human tax-collector (and bodyguards)" who "sits in the corner counting the tithes."
Thief: Why the hell would I talk to a tax-collector?
DM: Well, let's figure out your motivation. *roll* You "want to start a nation."
Cleric: At least its not genocide.
Thief: What would I want to start a nation?
DM: Well, your other motivation is... *roll* a need to "entertain."
Fighter: I am drunk yet?
DM: No.
Fighter: Oh, come'on. You didn't even roll. I'll even buy the finest grog for El Presidente Thief here...
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I came up with all that just using the free downloads. I'm sold. I'm getting Ultimate Toolbox ASAP.
Edit: just to break the narrative up a bit for legibility.
