NOW LIVE! Today's the day you meet your new best friend. You don’t have to leave Wolfy behind... In 'Pets & Sidekicks' your companions level up with you!

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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Zhaneel" data-source="post: 1336811" data-attributes="member: 15829">Okay, so I'm afraid I'm going to forget.  And I figured out how to use the spoiler tags, so I'm going to go ahead and post.PirateCat's Story[spoiler]I really liked this story.  I thought it was well written and involving.  While Berandor is right that it is somewhat predictable, I find that anything written in less than week tends to be on the predictable side.  It isn't until 2nd or 3rd drafts that the surprises and the unique stuff comes in.  I thought the main character was very interesting, and I started to suspect she wasn't who she was being presented as early on.  Though I thought she was working for the "bad" side [the comment about the confession not being good enough].  The villian is a stock villan, and needs to flushed out.  I'm with Berandor that if you want to work on this story more you'll need to establish why the doctors are working for him and to try to avoid the Bond Villian syndrome.  But overall, I really liked the story.[/spoiler]Sialia's Story[spoiler]I've enjoyed all three of Sialia's stories.  However, I don't think this one was a strong as the second, though I think it was more interesting than the first.  My main beef with this story is Mirabelle's character.  The transition from her trying to beat up Miguel for touching her to hitting on Professor Volpe was too sudden and quick for me.  Especially in context of this story alone, though it is a little bit more reasonable in the context of all three stories together.  But mythago stated that each story must stand alone, so I'm inclined to give this more weight than I would if all three stories were told as one.  I think there needs to be something more than drink to give us the impression that Mirabelle would go after Volpe.  I know part of that probably springs from Tarby's (sp) death, as death makes people want to procreate, but it still wasn't enough for me.  Much of the story was focussing on being in Lillabro's head for the dreams, but the story was about Volpe & Mirabelle, so I think POV needs to be tightened.  The emotional loss of Lillabro was blunted because of Tarby's death so close already.  I just couldn't work up the emotional reserves to care that she was sacrificing herself.  *shrug* It just didn't work for me, personally.[/spoiler]Zhaneel</blockquote>

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