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Winter Ceramic DM™: THE WINNER!
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<blockquote data-quote="Zhaneel" data-source="post: 1341250" data-attributes="member: 15829"><p><strong>The good!</strong></p><p></p><p>Okay, here we go:</p><p></p><p>Sialia first</p><p></p><p>[spoiler]</p><p>"Largest pickle crock in the world" Funny wonderful image. OTOH, I've been reading Prachett, and this just sounded like a Prachett thing to say. Wondefully done.</p><p></p><p>I loved the descriptions. Yes, there were 27 pages, but you knew where you were and what was going on around you. Rarely did reader have to strain to imagine the surroundings. Could it be cut? Maybe. I'm inclined to agree with Bernador and say that your mind is set for novels where you have the time to explore all this wonderful descriptive work.</p><p></p><p>The quick recap of story 2 was quick and well done. [Thoughts about the boat & dying together] Could even be left in when/if all 3 stories are joined.</p><p></p><p>Really liked the fastidious old lady who bathed the group. Would have loved to have seen more of her.</p><p></p><p>Good contrast of the thoughts w/Tarnby and hte need for food by Lillabro. Shows how important he was to the group as a whole and how much they took him for granted.</p><p></p><p>Miguel's patience with Mirabelle is a great example of showing his age and wisdom.</p><p></p><p>Darkness, tangled metal, mmmm... shivers. Wonderful for building the suspense while chasing Lillabro.</p><p></p><p>Something I missed on the first read "The little mushroom told me it was a good idea." Umm... did I miss that also in the second story? Since when are mushrooms able to do that? From being around the Illithids?</p><p></p><p>Volpe's song was a great counterpoint and message about Lillabro's scarifice. And I understood what Lillabro and Tarnby were doing the second time around, though I still wonder if Tarnby thought they would win or just buy time.</p><p></p><p>"Mirabelle was glad to be indoors, unblessed." *giggle* wonderful use of the langauge.[/spoiler]</p><p></p><p>PC</p><p></p><p>[spoiler] This story had a wonderful opening. It drew you in and made you wonder WTF was going on. I thought the usage of the yarn and round objects as weapons (and the doll's heads as scanners) were wonderful. Great way to take ordainary objects and make them special. You've got a wonderful world here that I'd love to play in. Interesting reference to the Mars rover, very timely. Made me smile.</p><p></p><p>I loved that Miss Pring was an agent of Kane's; made me want to see more of her during the fight/death.</p><p></p><p>Also, in re-reading, I think I like the Bond Villian problem. Kane has NEVER lost. The doll's heads show his personality and that he brags about murdering people. I think this just expands that he gets off on being right and pulling one over on people.</p><p></p><p>Wonderful Finale. Once a Theif, always a Theif.[/spoiler]</p><p></p><p>Sorry I didn't include stuff like the first time 'round.</p><p></p><p>I do think both of you did a great job. And I think you did better than I could have given the same pictures and time.</p><p></p><p>Congrats to both of you, regardless of who wins, you've both shown excellent writing and poise.</p><p></p><p>Zhaneel</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zhaneel, post: 1341250, member: 15829"] [b]The good![/b] Okay, here we go: Sialia first [spoiler] "Largest pickle crock in the world" Funny wonderful image. OTOH, I've been reading Prachett, and this just sounded like a Prachett thing to say. Wondefully done. I loved the descriptions. Yes, there were 27 pages, but you knew where you were and what was going on around you. Rarely did reader have to strain to imagine the surroundings. Could it be cut? Maybe. I'm inclined to agree with Bernador and say that your mind is set for novels where you have the time to explore all this wonderful descriptive work. The quick recap of story 2 was quick and well done. [Thoughts about the boat & dying together] Could even be left in when/if all 3 stories are joined. Really liked the fastidious old lady who bathed the group. Would have loved to have seen more of her. Good contrast of the thoughts w/Tarnby and hte need for food by Lillabro. Shows how important he was to the group as a whole and how much they took him for granted. Miguel's patience with Mirabelle is a great example of showing his age and wisdom. Darkness, tangled metal, mmmm... shivers. Wonderful for building the suspense while chasing Lillabro. Something I missed on the first read "The little mushroom told me it was a good idea." Umm... did I miss that also in the second story? Since when are mushrooms able to do that? From being around the Illithids? Volpe's song was a great counterpoint and message about Lillabro's scarifice. And I understood what Lillabro and Tarnby were doing the second time around, though I still wonder if Tarnby thought they would win or just buy time. "Mirabelle was glad to be indoors, unblessed." *giggle* wonderful use of the langauge.[/spoiler] PC [spoiler] This story had a wonderful opening. It drew you in and made you wonder WTF was going on. I thought the usage of the yarn and round objects as weapons (and the doll's heads as scanners) were wonderful. Great way to take ordainary objects and make them special. You've got a wonderful world here that I'd love to play in. Interesting reference to the Mars rover, very timely. Made me smile. I loved that Miss Pring was an agent of Kane's; made me want to see more of her during the fight/death. Also, in re-reading, I think I like the Bond Villian problem. Kane has NEVER lost. The doll's heads show his personality and that he brags about murdering people. I think this just expands that he gets off on being right and pulling one over on people. Wonderful Finale. Once a Theif, always a Theif.[/spoiler] Sorry I didn't include stuff like the first time 'round. I do think both of you did a great job. And I think you did better than I could have given the same pictures and time. Congrats to both of you, regardless of who wins, you've both shown excellent writing and poise. Zhaneel [/QUOTE]
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