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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Greybar" data-source="post: 663143" data-attributes="member: 4938">Iron DM Winter ExpositionI am very proud of my little swashbuckling in the fog creation and I make no excuses for that.  I think that seasong deserved the win primarily for the key thing that defines Iron DM: ingredients.  Here's how I handled my ingredients and why I think I lost.The Captain - The captain formed in my mind quickly and never left the creation.  I originally started writing the scenario with the heroes being called to the Captain, he gives them the mission, and then commits suicide in front of them in shame.  Originally there was a city wall for him to leap from into the canal but that got discarded.Fogged window - the fog element was certainly something I kept ahold off, though I wish I could have brought the fogged window in more.  It was a scene-setting element for the revelation of betrayal.  I don't know if I really could have made it much more than that without disrupting the story.Simple lock - I immediately decided that the lock couldn't be a locking mechanism, the fog and the lock joined into the canal with docks idea, and away we went.The Moaning Diamond - I never even thought to look for that in the DMG magic item list.  I guess that comes from the rarity of high-level play in my games.  One idea for this diamond is that it was responsible for the fog that shrouds the city of Midrushing, and that someone with sorcerous blood (Penelore or her father) could learn to activate it.  One idea for the final fight involved Penelore pleading that her father forced her to do this, that he would have exposed her to Wrightson and broken their love, all the while she is actually doing a full-round action to summon a fog elemental (treat as Air Elemental without Whirlwind power).  I regret not wrapping the diamond more into the story for the additional ingredient power.Financial Coup - this was the backdrop to the Captain's tale, rather that a central plot element.  In all honesty I don't think a focused short adventure can have SIX central elements, and to be brusque I think seasong and quickbeam's entries earlier show this.  To make everything central is to make everything de-centralized and the plot stretched and plodding.A Brace of Gargoyles - here was something I cut out to make it tighter that perhaps I should have kept.  I originally placed Penelore's father (Revyn Thorp) at the final lock.  Notice that in the backstory I had his arm crippled and his body lost and presumed dead.  Of course any reader knows that means he's really not dead.  I originally put him there, with a grotesque brace upon his crippled arm.  A brace made of two gargoyles stretching down his arm, moving it like a cybernetic piece.  +2 Strength to that arm for tohit/dmg and the like.  The gargoyles would shriek and spit at the heroes as they fought Revyn Thorp.  Yeah, I shouldn't have cut that.  I looked at my adventure and saw it was at 1600 words and thought it was too much.  Bad call on my side.  I fell back to the more conventional pair of gargoyles and then didn't tie in the ingredient.whew, there you go!Incognito: to the fly concern.  My thought was that at 4-6th level the party probably couldn't muster the ability for the entire party to fly.  Two gargoyles (CR4) would effectively force anything less than the entire group back to the ground.  Probably more of a loophole would be numerous Boots of Striding and Springing or somesuch.  In short though, the name of the game for this one was style.  If the GM knows that the players have the potential to book, then they don't get brought in for an hour later or the canal is a mile shorter.  This style-base scenario is why they'll always meet the ruffians at the first gate just as they're starting to set the bridge on fire, and they'll always get to the final lock as Penelore is just entering it.  Sure, if the players really pull out a great thing the GM will alter that plan: "Yes, really, I'm willing to burn the one wish in this item to teleport us to the Diamond."John</blockquote>

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