Geoff Watson
First Post
What are some good jokes and insults for Wizard and Sorceror
rivals to call each other?
Nothing too offensive, please.
Geoff.
rivals to call each other?
Nothing too offensive, please.
Geoff.
Wizard/Sorceror Rivalry
- Thread starter Geoff Watson
- Start date
Tinker Gnome
Adventurer
*Sorcerer walking by with pretty girl and he sees a Wizard.*
Hey nerdboy, why dont you come down to the tavern and have a drink with us? Oh wait, I forgot, you have to study all the time to learn your spells!!!
Later dweeb, have fun with your books, as I am sure that they are your only real friends, hahaha.
Hey nerdboy, why dont you come down to the tavern and have a drink with us? Oh wait, I forgot, you have to study all the time to learn your spells!!!
Later dweeb, have fun with your books, as I am sure that they are your only real friends, hahaha.
silvereyes
First Post
Since the old pointy hats are getting it badly, I'll stick up for them.
From a wizard upon seeing a sorcerer cast a spell:
"Again! Haven't you learned anything new yet?"
A wizards college joke:
Q: What's another name for a sorcerer?
A: A one trick pony.
How many sorcerers does it take to cast continual flame? (D&D light bulb joke?)
Doesn't matter since you can't find one that can.
The difference between a wizard and a sorcerer is that a wizard can fix your problem tommorrow, a sorcerer will look for a wizard that can.
I'm thinking of having a sorcerer write my spellbook for me. They have to be able to write tiny to fit the spells they know on the inside of thier eyelids.
The benifit of studying spells becomes obvious when you are learning to to cast: Goodwin Leigh's Five Star Fortnight Companion.
The spell every wizard has researched and no sorcerer has duplicated:
Goodwin Leigh's Summon Submissive Succubus.
And the mantra of every wizard in a mixed wizard/sorcerer college:
Looks fade but power is forever.
or
It's quality over quantity. When will they understand that?
PS Now I am tempted to try to play a sorcerer with a spell book, just so he can have those two spells with him, even if he can't cast them.
From a wizard upon seeing a sorcerer cast a spell:
"Again! Haven't you learned anything new yet?"
A wizards college joke:
Q: What's another name for a sorcerer?
A: A one trick pony.
How many sorcerers does it take to cast continual flame? (D&D light bulb joke?)
Doesn't matter since you can't find one that can.
The difference between a wizard and a sorcerer is that a wizard can fix your problem tommorrow, a sorcerer will look for a wizard that can.
I'm thinking of having a sorcerer write my spellbook for me. They have to be able to write tiny to fit the spells they know on the inside of thier eyelids.
The benifit of studying spells becomes obvious when you are learning to to cast: Goodwin Leigh's Five Star Fortnight Companion.
The spell every wizard has researched and no sorcerer has duplicated:
Goodwin Leigh's Summon Submissive Succubus.
And the mantra of every wizard in a mixed wizard/sorcerer college:
Looks fade but power is forever.
or
It's quality over quantity. When will they understand that?
PS Now I am tempted to try to play a sorcerer with a spell book, just so he can have those two spells with him, even if he can't cast them.
Last edited:
GuardianLurker
Adventurer
Wizard: I've got my Wand of Fireballs. Why would I want to ally with a Sorceror?
Wizard, as "coincidental" aside to an apprentice while a sorceror walks past: Sorcerors are a classic example of the beauty/brains dichotomy, and they're not nearly as entertaining as bards.
Wizard, as "coincidental" aside to an apprentice while a sorceror walks past: Sorcerors are a classic example of the beauty/brains dichotomy, and they're not nearly as entertaining as bards.
hopeless
Adventurer
Reg: Sorceror's & Wizards
How about this one;
Wizard says to the Sorceror: "You never studied..."
Sorceror replies:"Because by all rights I don't need to!"
DMs Response from my Greyhawk game: "You need to see a wizard cast a spell or buy or find a scroll with a wizard spell to learn to add it your reportoire..."
My reaction; "So I should have started with Read Magic three months after handing this character in even though Sorceror's are NOT supposed to be the same as wizards?!!"
(And by the way that was before learning that he had allowed the player running the Paladin to use 1st edition rules so he could start the game with a set of full plate!)
My character by the way was the only arcane spellcaster and because of that upon reaching 3rd level picked up identify.
"This ring I think is a Protection variant, the Cloak is of elvenkind and that sword is both enchanted and I think a bane weapon,"
The Sword by the way was silver plated, the Paladin promptly sold it and then nabbed the ring claiming nobody wanted it even though;
a) He was wearing FULL PLATE
b) My sorceror and the monk weren't wearing armour, I offered the ring to the Monk the Paladin grabbed it off my palm...
One of their questions: Why didn't you study to become a Wizard?
My answer: My halfling was born into a clan of Sorcerors who undergo a ceremony coming of age which involves them finding out what class they will spend the rest of their lives as... in short I have a DAMN good reason why I am multi-classing including the fact she had training from both a Sorceror/Wizard as her arcane mentor and a great aunt who is a member of a clerical faith and the source of her potion of Cure Light Wounds she's carrying which was bought with my character's actual starting money and not gained as a result of using 1st edition rules to obtain equipment I shouldn't be able to gain as a 1st level character!
The DM after the player deliberately endangered a community he visited when they came under attack by an army of the undead after learning a cleric he was assigned to find had been in the settlement nd all evidence made him believe it was about to be attacked. Following said attack when the villain kidnapped the Mayor's daughter he tried to make everyone swear an oath to his god ingoring the fact the halfling had returned to say the undead horde had collapsed and had an apple thrown at his back after the PCs left to rescue said girl. He then needless endangered the girl even though the rest of the party had surrounded the villain's lair forcing the Halfling to intercede and only the elven fighter's player taking the hint and joined in to overwhelm the villain saved the mayor's daughters life. He then ignored the fact he hadn't told the Mayor about his orders and tried to ride off with the villain forcing the mayor and some elven merchants to put him under arrow point forcing the druid to kill said vilain. He still tried to ride off with the corpse and DM made excuses for him the next session so we would accompany him back to Greyhawk. He later used torture on goblin prisoners captured by the NG Halfling Sorceror and then ignoring the rest of the party had the first two thrown off the cliff when their brethren thrw rocks at him as he was doing this. Not including the fact he then murdered the third goblin who was found mancled and beaten (Note: Unarmed and helpless) ignoring the rest of the party even chasing her down and cutting her down from behind after the Halfling tried to help her escape
He told us "The Paladin hasn't violated any part of his code"
Me:"So his code's Lawful Evil isn't it?"
How about this one;
Wizard says to the Sorceror: "You never studied..."
Sorceror replies:"Because by all rights I don't need to!"
DMs Response from my Greyhawk game: "You need to see a wizard cast a spell or buy or find a scroll with a wizard spell to learn to add it your reportoire..."
My reaction; "So I should have started with Read Magic three months after handing this character in even though Sorceror's are NOT supposed to be the same as wizards?!!"
(And by the way that was before learning that he had allowed the player running the Paladin to use 1st edition rules so he could start the game with a set of full plate!)
My character by the way was the only arcane spellcaster and because of that upon reaching 3rd level picked up identify.
"This ring I think is a Protection variant, the Cloak is of elvenkind and that sword is both enchanted and I think a bane weapon,"
The Sword by the way was silver plated, the Paladin promptly sold it and then nabbed the ring claiming nobody wanted it even though;
a) He was wearing FULL PLATE
b) My sorceror and the monk weren't wearing armour, I offered the ring to the Monk the Paladin grabbed it off my palm...
One of their questions: Why didn't you study to become a Wizard?
My answer: My halfling was born into a clan of Sorcerors who undergo a ceremony coming of age which involves them finding out what class they will spend the rest of their lives as... in short I have a DAMN good reason why I am multi-classing including the fact she had training from both a Sorceror/Wizard as her arcane mentor and a great aunt who is a member of a clerical faith and the source of her potion of Cure Light Wounds she's carrying which was bought with my character's actual starting money and not gained as a result of using 1st edition rules to obtain equipment I shouldn't be able to gain as a 1st level character!
The DM after the player deliberately endangered a community he visited when they came under attack by an army of the undead after learning a cleric he was assigned to find had been in the settlement nd all evidence made him believe it was about to be attacked. Following said attack when the villain kidnapped the Mayor's daughter he tried to make everyone swear an oath to his god ingoring the fact the halfling had returned to say the undead horde had collapsed and had an apple thrown at his back after the PCs left to rescue said girl. He then needless endangered the girl even though the rest of the party had surrounded the villain's lair forcing the Halfling to intercede and only the elven fighter's player taking the hint and joined in to overwhelm the villain saved the mayor's daughters life. He then ignored the fact he hadn't told the Mayor about his orders and tried to ride off with the villain forcing the mayor and some elven merchants to put him under arrow point forcing the druid to kill said vilain. He still tried to ride off with the corpse and DM made excuses for him the next session so we would accompany him back to Greyhawk. He later used torture on goblin prisoners captured by the NG Halfling Sorceror and then ignoring the rest of the party had the first two thrown off the cliff when their brethren thrw rocks at him as he was doing this. Not including the fact he then murdered the third goblin who was found mancled and beaten (Note: Unarmed and helpless) ignoring the rest of the party even chasing her down and cutting her down from behind after the Halfling tried to help her escape
He told us "The Paladin hasn't violated any part of his code"
Me:"So his code's Lawful Evil isn't it?"
hopeless
Adventurer
Reg: Sorceror's & Wizards
The problem is that the person who ran the Paladin runs the Forgotten Realms camapign where the DM of the Greyhawk campaign runs a dwarven fighter who the DM arranged for his war axe to be enchanted by the hand of his goddess which was pretty cool at the time since my character wasn't mesmerised and treated it as sign he was on good terms with his own god, a concept the DM decided to correct on a number of occasions eventually causing my current spate of rants. I'm hoping to overcome this problem and have a singular advantage in that I have seen someone run a Paladin UTTERLY BRILLIANTLY without any of this zealot rubbish. He used his code to beat a number of traps I had previously designed and later thought were overkill and roleplayed it to the hilt.
My problem is that I don't understand why they don't see the problem or maybe they think by agreeing with him they'll avoid the same fate.
Well they're on their own now and I'm hoping the time will let me get over my problem too.
The shame is that the Greyhawk DM would make a fine Hack & Slash or Ravenloft DM since he runs a fine Call of Cthulhu, but since he now plans to run Conan I doubt he'll ever get back to that campaign which is a shame since by the end the Paladin had annoyed everyone else even the most mild mannered person i have ever known and I was looking forward to plans to get two dms run a crossover between the campaigns as it looked as though my halfling was going to become a cleric and dedicated to killing any so-called Paladin she comes across on the grounds they were more of a threat to the forces of Good than even the Cleric's of Nerull!
My 3rd level Halfling female Sorceress and a nother wizard open seeing a newly opened tomb gaze down the corridor.
Me: Casting Extended Detect Magic
Wizard: I can do that too and more besides...
Me: "I do it better, and I'm not a blowhard into the bargain."
Wizard: "I know more spells I can make permanent magical items where you can't afford to," he jeers
Me: That reminds me, when they kill you who do you want me to eventually return your spellbook to?" I point out the error in his thinking.
Wizard:"And what if they come after you too?" he sneers back.
Me: "Me? (Looks wide eyed) why would the nasty monsters chase after a diminutive and harmless looking halfling openly wearing a holy symbol the DM has been openly ignoring even though I've been pointing it out ever since we started..." I reply
Wizard snorts.
We get attacked, the wizard relies on his memorised spells.
Me:"I cast Dancing Lights!"
DM groans as he has to make or fake saves for the bad guys any who fail move away quite sharpish for the rest of a minute or two minutes if I have the time to Cast the Extend Spell variant.
Wizard:"Thats the best you can do?" he jeers.
Me:"Casting Shield" (+7 AC, +3 Reflex under 3.0)
Wizard: "I can do that too!" and does so.
Me: "Can you hide?" as I nip behind the taller spellcaster and use my cloak of elvenkind (+10 bonus to Hide, +4 Halfling bonus, +1 skill rank, +3 Dex Bonus= base +18 to hide).
Wizard now alone has to retreat as monsters approach and unless the DM decides to fake his Spot checks they don't know I'm there and even if they do thats AC of normally +1 Size, +3 Dex, +7 for Shield spell (covers above quite handy that one direction rule when you're small in size) so thats a base 21 with if he fakes their spot means an AC of 18 without the Dex bonus but as I have never EVER used that kind of action when another character is in danger...
Actual action:
Me:"Engage the nearest bad guy with my dagger,"
Wizard:"WHAT!" as he sees the female halfling sorceress engage the nearest bad guy in melee.
Me sighing:"Not the first time nor the last, but someone has to rescue these idiots and I may not have the Hit Die, I may not be heavily armoured nor possessing extraordinary abilities of the other classes but I am your worst nightmare..."
Me:"I am a halfling sorceror run by a player with a versatile imagination and according to the person who ran the best Paladin i have ever seen, a natural Paladin,"
The Paladin turns to interject, he does alot of that when he thinks he has the right which ismostly all the time especially when I'm right which is more prevalent here as I'm almost always (Except when not in this game, where I'm not afraid to admit to it when I realise they're right, shame he's incapable of that kind of virtue isn't it?) am with this idiot not that he understands of course.
Me:"I wasn't talking about you fruitloop!" I tell the Paladin wannabe.
Me:"I actually like fruitcake and am partial to peanut butter so Loopy you will remain!"
After defeating the bad guy the others report feeling relieved I didn't pull out my shortspear.
Mostly because the only time I used it I did more damage to my comrades than to the enemy, thats the problem with skeletons when using a sharp pointy stick...
The problem is that the person who ran the Paladin runs the Forgotten Realms camapign where the DM of the Greyhawk campaign runs a dwarven fighter who the DM arranged for his war axe to be enchanted by the hand of his goddess which was pretty cool at the time since my character wasn't mesmerised and treated it as sign he was on good terms with his own god, a concept the DM decided to correct on a number of occasions eventually causing my current spate of rants. I'm hoping to overcome this problem and have a singular advantage in that I have seen someone run a Paladin UTTERLY BRILLIANTLY without any of this zealot rubbish. He used his code to beat a number of traps I had previously designed and later thought were overkill and roleplayed it to the hilt.
My problem is that I don't understand why they don't see the problem or maybe they think by agreeing with him they'll avoid the same fate.
Well they're on their own now and I'm hoping the time will let me get over my problem too.
The shame is that the Greyhawk DM would make a fine Hack & Slash or Ravenloft DM since he runs a fine Call of Cthulhu, but since he now plans to run Conan I doubt he'll ever get back to that campaign which is a shame since by the end the Paladin had annoyed everyone else even the most mild mannered person i have ever known and I was looking forward to plans to get two dms run a crossover between the campaigns as it looked as though my halfling was going to become a cleric and dedicated to killing any so-called Paladin she comes across on the grounds they were more of a threat to the forces of Good than even the Cleric's of Nerull!
My 3rd level Halfling female Sorceress and a nother wizard open seeing a newly opened tomb gaze down the corridor.
Me: Casting Extended Detect Magic
Wizard: I can do that too and more besides...
Me: "I do it better, and I'm not a blowhard into the bargain."
Wizard: "I know more spells I can make permanent magical items where you can't afford to," he jeers
Me: That reminds me, when they kill you who do you want me to eventually return your spellbook to?" I point out the error in his thinking.
Wizard:"And what if they come after you too?" he sneers back.
Me: "Me? (Looks wide eyed) why would the nasty monsters chase after a diminutive and harmless looking halfling openly wearing a holy symbol the DM has been openly ignoring even though I've been pointing it out ever since we started..." I reply
Wizard snorts.
We get attacked, the wizard relies on his memorised spells.
Me:"I cast Dancing Lights!"
DM groans as he has to make or fake saves for the bad guys any who fail move away quite sharpish for the rest of a minute or two minutes if I have the time to Cast the Extend Spell variant.
Wizard:"Thats the best you can do?" he jeers.
Me:"Casting Shield" (+7 AC, +3 Reflex under 3.0)
Wizard: "I can do that too!" and does so.
Me: "Can you hide?" as I nip behind the taller spellcaster and use my cloak of elvenkind (+10 bonus to Hide, +4 Halfling bonus, +1 skill rank, +3 Dex Bonus= base +18 to hide).
Wizard now alone has to retreat as monsters approach and unless the DM decides to fake his Spot checks they don't know I'm there and even if they do thats AC of normally +1 Size, +3 Dex, +7 for Shield spell (covers above quite handy that one direction rule when you're small in size) so thats a base 21 with if he fakes their spot means an AC of 18 without the Dex bonus but as I have never EVER used that kind of action when another character is in danger...
Actual action:
Me:"Engage the nearest bad guy with my dagger,"
Wizard:"WHAT!" as he sees the female halfling sorceress engage the nearest bad guy in melee.
Me sighing:"Not the first time nor the last, but someone has to rescue these idiots and I may not have the Hit Die, I may not be heavily armoured nor possessing extraordinary abilities of the other classes but I am your worst nightmare..."
Me:"I am a halfling sorceror run by a player with a versatile imagination and according to the person who ran the best Paladin i have ever seen, a natural Paladin,"
The Paladin turns to interject, he does alot of that when he thinks he has the right which ismostly all the time especially when I'm right which is more prevalent here as I'm almost always (Except when not in this game, where I'm not afraid to admit to it when I realise they're right, shame he's incapable of that kind of virtue isn't it?) am with this idiot not that he understands of course.
Me:"I wasn't talking about you fruitloop!" I tell the Paladin wannabe.
Me:"I actually like fruitcake and am partial to peanut butter so Loopy you will remain!"
After defeating the bad guy the others report feeling relieved I didn't pull out my shortspear.
Mostly because the only time I used it I did more damage to my comrades than to the enemy, thats the problem with skeletons when using a sharp pointy stick...
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