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<blockquote data-quote="ProgBard" data-source="post: 6772162" data-attributes="member: 6803722"><p>To be fair, I do think it flows in both directions. Ideally, the players should trust the DM. But, per [MENTION=22779]Hussar[/MENTION] above, the DM also needs to trust the players. (This does not always come naturally. It took me a long time to stop worrying and trust my players; or maybe it just took along time to find the right group of people who I <em>could</em> trust. Funny how this keeps coming up.)</p><p></p><p>But more than trust, it's respect. And that respect is earned, in both directions. The nice thing is that when you start with respect, it's also easier to walk away from the things you're not the audience for, as in, "I respect what you're trying to do, but I can tell I'm not going to have any fun in this campaign. Have a great game, everyone."</p><p></p><p>A few pages back, [MENTION=6799753]lowkey13[/MENTION] drew a parallel with going out to eat and what you can reasonably expect depending on the kind of experience you want to have. And it's true that "have it your way" and "trust in the genius of the chef" can both be rewarding experiences, but I think they both have failure states on either side of the curve - IOW, Mr. I-should-be-able-to-order-anything-I-want and Chef No-changes-no-substitutions are, for my money, both acting like over-entitled jerks. They're both, by digging in their heels on a matter of "BUT MAH VISHUN!," demonstrating lack of respect for the party on the other end of the exchange.</p><p></p><p>I'm very lucky to have found a group for which this chemistry seems to be working well. When we started out, negotiating the kind of parameters we wanted for the game, I said, "I'm fine with using the Realms, but I kinda hate the metaplot. Anyone mind if we do a non-canonical alternate history?" And everyone said, "Dude, it's your world. Run with it." And that checking-in with each other goes both ways - the players come to me with, "Here's my idea for a backstory. Feel free to change anything that doesn't work for you." We seem to have earned each others' respect, in part by not acting like entitled jerks at each other. We are all mutually the right audience for what we're doing. But it doesn't happen by magic. We build that trust and respect on both sides by asking instead of demanding, making sure everyone's still having a good time, and being willing to yield sometimes and stick to our guns sometimes and stay dedicated to surprising and delighting each other. I think when that's the philosophy you start with and build on, you can build up the capital to get away with a great deal that's out of the box - both as players and GMs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ProgBard, post: 6772162, member: 6803722"] To be fair, I do think it flows in both directions. Ideally, the players should trust the DM. But, per [MENTION=22779]Hussar[/MENTION] above, the DM also needs to trust the players. (This does not always come naturally. It took me a long time to stop worrying and trust my players; or maybe it just took along time to find the right group of people who I [i]could[/i] trust. Funny how this keeps coming up.) But more than trust, it's respect. And that respect is earned, in both directions. The nice thing is that when you start with respect, it's also easier to walk away from the things you're not the audience for, as in, "I respect what you're trying to do, but I can tell I'm not going to have any fun in this campaign. Have a great game, everyone." A few pages back, [MENTION=6799753]lowkey13[/MENTION] drew a parallel with going out to eat and what you can reasonably expect depending on the kind of experience you want to have. And it's true that "have it your way" and "trust in the genius of the chef" can both be rewarding experiences, but I think they both have failure states on either side of the curve - IOW, Mr. I-should-be-able-to-order-anything-I-want and Chef No-changes-no-substitutions are, for my money, both acting like over-entitled jerks. They're both, by digging in their heels on a matter of "BUT MAH VISHUN!," demonstrating lack of respect for the party on the other end of the exchange. I'm very lucky to have found a group for which this chemistry seems to be working well. When we started out, negotiating the kind of parameters we wanted for the game, I said, "I'm fine with using the Realms, but I kinda hate the metaplot. Anyone mind if we do a non-canonical alternate history?" And everyone said, "Dude, it's your world. Run with it." And that checking-in with each other goes both ways - the players come to me with, "Here's my idea for a backstory. Feel free to change anything that doesn't work for you." We seem to have earned each others' respect, in part by not acting like entitled jerks at each other. We are all mutually the right audience for what we're doing. But it doesn't happen by magic. We build that trust and respect on both sides by asking instead of demanding, making sure everyone's still having a good time, and being willing to yield sometimes and stick to our guns sometimes and stay dedicated to surprising and delighting each other. I think when that's the philosophy you start with and build on, you can build up the capital to get away with a great deal that's out of the box - both as players and GMs. [/QUOTE]
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