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Worst game I ever ran.

I would have made the spirit fight them instead of pressing pause. If they killed the spirit I then would have had it say... "you... doomed us all.... hhhhuuuuurrrrrrrggggg........" At that point they would have realized they killed a n important NPC and they would have asked to eject the game cartridge and restart at the last save point. ;)

If not, then they would have thought the game was much cooler. since they killed a NPC and wontumly killing innocent NPCs is bad assed.

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I'm not sure I agree with your implication that even the slightest hint of railroading is bad.

b) If I as DM say: "So your mentor's wife is waiting for you at the tavern when you come back from your shopping, and she looks very upset. She takes you aside, away from other guests at the tavern, and says your mentor may have been kidnapped, as he's been missing for two days. She asks you to investigate."

Then I expect you as a player to say (OOC: oh, here's the adventure hook, goody, let's play) and in character something like: "Does she know where he was last seen? Did he have any enemies?"

So if you say my (b) scenario is railroading and wrongbadfun, I have to disagree. If you don't say that, then nevermind. :)
Your example is not a railroad because that is the plot hook. Any decent player who respects the DM is expected to "play along" with the plot hook part of the game. In some cases, if the DM prepares multiple plot hooks the players can pass the first one or two and look for something better, but in most cases, I believe the social contract requires the players to go along with the scenario.

Once the game is under way and the goal is established, I think the players should be able to make thier own decisions.
Now say the players are looking for the missing mentor, and the wife says "Our trusted servant Johan says he knows something..." and the players decide to ignor Johan or kill him for no reason, then the players are being "unpleasant". If, on the other hand, Johan is an unknown person that seeks out the players in order to "sell" information, then the players should be able to make up their own minds whether to trust him, ignore him, or even intimidate or kill him.

I think that unless you are playing pure sandbox style, that any introduction of a plot hook gets a free pass and is not considered "railroading". In a pure sandbox, the players are allowed to pass on a plot hook and look for something else... and the DM should have a handful of plot hooks prepared for when a party passes on one, or bungles it so badly that it cannot be completed.
 
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