Bards Anonymous would be the logical choice.
It's almost November ... time for a Holiday Classic!
Happy Holidays and Festivus Greetings!
It is my greatest ability and skill that I can get my blood angered up by just about anything. I thank genetics and upbringing for that. As I like to point out, Mama Snarf believed in the theory that a child learns best by doing. Which is why she tossed me into the lake so that I would learn to swim! Wasn't that hard, either, after I got out of the bag.
But yes, I live to have my blood angered. I have gone straight past dislike to hatred, and have SMASHED the subscribe button to every youtube channel available that discussed the perfidy of your garden-variety bard. This is not simply a question of convincing others of the inalterable truth of the proposition that Bards defy physics- they manage to both suck and blow at the same time. It is, instead, the exercise of our inalienable right to pursue Bards and, perchance, to end them. Now I have heard people say that I drink too much, but I only drink to separate my knowledge of the existence of Bards from my consciousness.
Saying I hate bards does a true disservice to the deep well of antipathy I have cultivated toward those miscreants. I do not want bards in a game- certainly not as heroes (for the common weal is the antithesis of bard-dom) nor even as a foe. Allowing bards into a game as villains might allow them to propagate further, and I do not want to be responsible for their multiplication. My hatred of Bards is the fuel that warms the cold, dark cockles of my heart as the sun grows ever dimmer during each Winter. I hate Bards like a young child loves Christmas morning; with unreserved enthusiasm. In fact, with the Holidays approaching, all I can ask for is spiked eggnog, chestnuts roaring on an open fire (if not chestnuts, then chipmunks) and, well... a wish!
If I had one wish that I could wish for this Holiday Season, it would be that Hasbro would kill off the Bard and all the gamers of the world would join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace.
If I had two wishes that I could wish for this Holiday Season, the first would be that Hasbro would kill off the Bard and all the gamers of the world would join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be that Hasbro would give other people stuff they want, too. Yes, even you.
You know, if I had three wishes I could make for this Holiday Season, the first, of course, would be that Hasbro would kill off the Bard and all the gamers of the world would join hands and sing, the second would be for people getting stuff they like, and the third would be for me receiving 30 million dollars every month. Preferably tax-free. I mean... have you seen those tax rates? If we are talking wishes, we need to go big! Tax-free, and ... 30 million a WEEK! Yeah, that's the ticket. Papa needs a new pair of shoes ... to go with the yacht!
And if I had four wishes that I could make this for this Holiday Season, the first would be the crap about Hasbro killing off the Bards and the gamers getting along and stuff and singing, the second would be other people getting nice stuff or whatever, the third would be for the money, and the fourth would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. SNARFUS REX!
Wait a minute, maybe the all-encompassing power should be the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, killing the bards and all those gamers singing and getting along ... that would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all the gamers together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! Not to mention ... have you seen people lately? Have you even read facebook or twitter/X or the comments on youtube? So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the power. We go with that. Second, the money. And then give other people what they want ... NO, wait, we give ME what I WANT. Which is killing off the bards. Also the elves - can't forget about that! Just a wonderful, low-magic Greyhawk devoid of Bards and soulless, dead-eyed Elves. And other people singing and stuff.
Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like ants under a magnifying glass! That would be my fourth wish. Actually, maybe that's my first wish. Mostly because of social media. Yeah, the penalty for being wrong on the internet just went up. And also because that would include the bards as well, plus DEREK!!!!! But let's assume I have four wishes.
And, of course, my fifth wish would be for other games to get stuff they want. As long as it's eliminating the Bards. People should always get what they want, as long as it's what I want.