Even Newer(er) Tavern Thread: The Hanged Man

[Dekana]

A kobold with green scales and a conquistador-like outfit enters the tavern along with a varied group of other heroes. He bristles with powerful magic armor and weapons.

[sblock=Jax's picture]

[/sblock]
The barman greets the kobold and hands him a stack of letters. He takes them and reads through them quickly, not bothering to take a seat.

"Uggh... what is he going on about now? It sounds like a scam..."

The kobold spots Papolstanaas and Ignus under the table. He stuffs the letters into his haversack and then walks over to join them.

[sblock=Draconic]"Greetings, dragonkin! I'm Jax, treasure hunter extraordinaire" he boasts rather immodestly. "I don't suppose you're friends of my uncle, Jaz? He was supposed to be meeting me here."[/sblock]

 

[Rapida]

[sblock=Draconic]
"Wow, this is a much more popular place with kobolds than I thought it was. I haven't seen any others besides us three. I'm getting a bit worried, seems like whenever kobolds start gathering some group of armor clad humans likes to charge in and start chopping." He pauses for a second and you aren't completely convinced he was joking, "I suppose we could get a table, the fight seems to have settled down now."
[/sblock]

 

[Mewness]

Papolstaanas looks at Jax worriedly.

[sblock=In Draconic]"P-pleased to meet you. I'm Papolstaanas. I'm waiting for someone as well, actually."[/sblock]
Papolstaanas seems a bit startled at Ignus's remark. The idea that armor-clad humans might charge in and attack them had not crossed his mind. Rather, his thoughts had leaped to an even more alarming possibility, namely, that his mother might come charging in and see them. Well, not charging, but the manner in which she arrives isn't the point.

[sblock=In Draconic]"I hope that's the end of it. I don't know why there's always a fight going on whenever I come back here!"[/sblock]

 

[BenBrown]

"The Scar, it is a canyon of some sort?" SOund of Stone asks, looking at the map.

"Of a sort, yes," Mallaby says. "It is narrow gap which runs through the landscape of northern Allaria, as if cut by a sword, never deviating from its path. It runs from the wasteland in the center of the continent to a place near the coast. It is not a natural part of the landscape, and some say it dates from the great war in which the Allarian Empire fell.

"The reason it is called the Bramble Scar is that its floor is covered with a deep tangle of blood-red brambles. I have been told that they are very painful to the touch and can leave marks lasting for weeks. Luckily, the gap is narrow. In some places the walls have collapsed into the scar, leaving a trail above the brambles. In others it has been bridged. Whatever unnatural magic went into its creation has lost much of its potency, it seems, and now only those unlucky enough to fall in take any harm from it."

 

[Dekana]

[sblock=Draconic]"Wow, this is a much more popular place with kobolds than I thought it was. I haven't seen any others besides us three. I'm getting a bit worried, seems like whenever kobolds start gathering some group of armor clad humans likes to charge in and start chopping.[/sblock]

Jax replies in Draconic. To the human patrons, his short indecipheral phrases sound like a dog's barking.

[sblock=Draconic]"I know, right? When I was here last, a barely-civilized gnoll attacked my potential employer! And then the time before that, some dark-skinned elf tried to harass me. You'd better watch your back in here. These softskins are even more vulgar and barbaric than usual."

Jax looks around the room and then sighs.

"I do need to find my uncle though. He left me a letter, and it sounds like he's going to get himself killed. Grr... and I just got back from a job! It's a pain having family, don't you think?"[/sblock]

 

[Iron Sky]

A cat charges through the door, under some tables, and out another door on the far side. A second later, a giant red-and-black mechanical wolf the size of a man charges through the door, rending it to splinters then looks around with burning eyes for its prey.

[sblock=Wereforged]

[/sblock]

<ELUSIVE FELINE MICRO-MONSTER STATUS: UNKNOWN> ATTENTION, WEAK AMBULATORY FLESH-PODS, IMMEDIATELY RELEASE THE CATIMAL YOU ARE HIDING OR FACE DESTRUCTION <DIAGNOSTIC COMPLETE, LUPINE TROJAN HIJACK SOURCE LOCATED AND ARCHIVED... ARCHIVED? DELETE... DELETE ACCESS DENIED... RUN DELETE AS ADMIN... PERMISSION NOT GRANTED, CUR EXSIXTEN CURRENTLY HAS ANTI-PURR-MISSION... MOVE TO TERRIBLE_PUN.ARCHIVE AND RESTORE GLORIOUS HERO FORM... AS ADMIN... OH FINE>

There's an ear-splitting series of creaks, groans, and clangs as the beast somehow transforms back into Sir Exsixten, though holding what looks like a large dragon skull that he tosses to the bartender, sending the man crashing into a wall with its weight.

[sblock=Sir Exsixten]

[/sblock]

CITIZENS! OUR HERO HAS RETURNED, HAVING SLAIN A DEAD DRAGON - WHICH WAS HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS. HIS HERALD, EX-GHOST LIZARD JAXAMILIAN HAS COME BEFORE HIM, SPREADING NEWS OF HIS ARRIVAL SO THE CELEBRATORY LIBATIONS COULD COMMENCE... SO... COMMENCE!

He grabs a bottle of wine off a nearby table, nods as he looks at the vintage, then breaks the whole thing on his face, splashing everyone nearby.

AN EXCELLENT VARIETY, SIR EXSIXTEN IS NOW DRUNK - ON PRAISE AND THE ADULATION OF THE THRONGS OF WOMEN CROWDING AROUND HIM!

The women in the room look amongst themselves as if trying to figure out who he's talking about.

OOH, LOOKS LIKE HIS AWESOME STOCKPILE IS CURRENTLY AT MAXIMUM CUR, WHAT A PHRASE! he adds in an echoing announcer voice as he poses in the center of the room amidst the debris that was once the door dripping wine.

 

[Tenchuu]

"Bu wha a dis Caravan? Tell I an I mo 'bout wha tings, 'ow many dey be, an if dere be anywon else dat gonna come 'long." Spider asked.

 

[Mewness]

Jax looks around the room and then sighs.

[sblock=Draconic]"I do need to find my uncle though. He left me a letter, and it sounds like he's going to get himself killed. Grr... and I just got back from a job! It's a pain having family, don't you think?"[/sblock]

Papolstaanas mumbles something.

[sblock=in Draconic]"Um, a--a--a family, er, no, or, I, I guess so. I, um, wouldn't really know."[/sblock]

He puts his fingers in his ears as Sir Exsixten crashes into the tavern and huddles even further under the table, hissing a few more words in Draconic.

[sblock=in Draconic]"Oh, no, it's that crazy warforged. A-and just as the fight was dying down, too.... Just, just d-don't--he'll probably end up killing somebody![/sblock]

 

[Neil1889]

A rather well attired figure of a small female humanoid appears at the gap in the wall where a door once hung. She appears to be loaded with an armful of books and a translucent green and somewhat cubit-sized bristly spider sits on top of them.

"Er...it's me, Lilli. Did that large metallic cat that demolished the door run out the back?" she says, wrinkling her nose, as she steps gingerly into the tavern.

 

[Dekana]

[sblock=in Draconic]"Oh, no, it's that crazy warforged. A-and just as the fight was dying down, too.... Just, just d-don't--he'll probably end up killing somebody![/sblock]

[sblock=Draconic]Jax glances at Cur Exsixten and then remarks calmly, "Yep, probably. He tried to kill me a couple of times on this last job. We even took him to see a psychiatrist, but then he killed the doctor. Funny how that works."[/sblock]
The newly arrived kobold shouts to Sir Exsixten from under a table, "I'm not paying for that door, you know. I don't have any money, so HAH!"