Ceramic DM feedback thread[JUDGES, OUT!]

[Halivar]

Round 1.1 spoiler:

Spoiler

Congrats on winning round 1, MacBeth! I knew you had it as soon as I read your first paragraph. Well done.

Thanks for the comments, judges. I was excited by the idea of mixing pulp detective and occult horror, but I guess I didn't really have a gameplan for really infusing the two cohesively. I can definitely tell where my story ceases to be one and jerkily shifts to being the other. Next time I'll definitely bite off a little less.

The accents. As I was writing them I was a bit concerned. I wanted the atmosphere so badly, but I also knew reading them was a bit of a chore. So I flipped a coin. I think maybe the coin landed on the wrong side.

Someone mentioned Cthluthlu (sp?). Did my story seem like a rip-off? I've never read Lovecraft or any of his peers in that genre, or played CoC, so I can plead ignorance. I definitely had in mind some of those old Italian horror movies and more modern American counterparts, like Phantasm. As for the detective element, I really just wanted to do a detective character. I only wish I had more time to do it right.

One thing that struck me about MacBeth's story is that he focused less on an epic story external to the characters, and rather let the story play out entirely as a personal, introspective progression within the main character himself. External events only serve as catalysts for this progression. Very well written, MacBeth. It definitely gives me more insight on what it takes to write a winning Ceramic DM entry.

 

[alsih2o]

Round 1.1 spoiler:

Spoiler

Congrats on winning round 1, MacBeth! I knew you had it as soon as I read your first paragraph. Well done.

... I was excited by the idea of mixing pulp detective and occult horror, but I guess I didn't really have a gameplan for really infusing the two cohesively. I can definitely tell where my story ceases to be one and jerkily shifts to being the other. Next time I'll definitely bite off a little less.

The accents. As I was writing them I was a bit concerned. I wanted the atmosphere so badly, but I also knew reading them was a bit of a chore..........he focused less on an epic story external to the characters, and rather let the story play out entirely as a personal, introspective progression within the main character himself. External events only serve as catalysts for this progression....

It is all this that makes me think I shouldn't judge, there are so many people who do it even casually better than I.

With the judge free commentary thread available for all I am wondering how useful the gut read is for the contestants anymore.

It may add somehting to the competition, but I feel that maybe Ceramic DM has outgrown certain commentaries?

Or does the opposite hold true because of threads like this one?

 

[orchid blossom]

I absolutely believe the gut reaction is vital. While it's great to have all this detailed feeback from people who put a lot of thought into it, most readers don't.

If your story appeared in an anothology or a magazine and the average reader picked it up, they aren't going to pull it apart bit by bit. They're going to read it, and have a gut reaction. So the gut reaction critique tells us what those readers who would be the audience for our stories would think.

orchid "is putting off writing her story cause she has no viable ideas and is in big trouble" blossom

 

[MarauderX]

I just read through a few stories and thought I'd add my input, for what it's worth. Take everything with a grain of salt as I am in no way the best writer and don't need to be a critic of any sort.

RangerWickett: Hunger
I like the story concept a lot, and kept reading faster to discover what was next as I sensed the upcoming twist. I felt slowed down by a few redundant sentences that could be edited down or combined into one, and felt the use of conjunctions ("but" in particular) could be changed to avoid it in adjacent sentences. Comma use is a pet peeve of mine, and there were occasions when I had to reread a part to understand the phrasing to catch the meaning. The way you used the pictures was great, I love it.

Eluvan: A Token Gesture
I always found it easy to litter my writing with lots of descriptors, adjectives and adverbs, but found them detracting from the story here. For instance, "contrasting strongly": we already know what contrasting means, and contrasting any other way than strongly, well, isn't contrasting.
For the descriptions, give me some space to imagine the details for myself, tell me about the important things and keep the story moving along. I liked how the character develops, finding his way and who he is. I don't think I am as patient as other readers, as I wanted to know what was in his pocket as soon as he woke up, but I'm sure others would appreciate it.

<Shameless Plug> I would recommend to everyone Stephan King's On Writing as it covers most of the hard-n-fast rules to producing some good stuff. It also happens to be the latest book for the ENWorld book club - what a coincidence! </SP>

 

[orchid blossom]

Well, it's up, for better or worse. Considering yesterday I thought I might just be posting my notes, that's an accomplishment.

It had flaws aplenty, but I'm kind of fond of it.

 

[MarauderX]

Nice work BigTom, I think I'm beat. I feel there was much more meaning and story behind it than mine, and I should have used the whole 72 hours to find something instead of forcing it. There were a few typos, but I like the way the division of paragraphs was used, adding emphasis in the perfect places.

 

[Eluvan]

Hmmm... thanks alot for the comments Marauder, it's always nice to receive some genuinely well thought out and constructive criticism. 'Too many adjectives' certainly isn't one I'd ever heard or considered before, and I'll bear it in mind.

 

[carpedavid]

Yay! I got to read an orchid blossom story. *Does happy dance.*

 

[BigTom]

Thank's for your kind words, MarauderX. We will have to see how the judges feel

 

[Sparky]

Gah... I almost just went into heart palpitations. I saw my last post in the judging thread timestamped thirty-four minutes after my deadline. It was my follow-on hey-don't-hate-me-cause-I-can't-make-hyperlinks post, but my office mate hasn't put up the defribrillators in case I do it again.

It is Tuesday right?

Morning?


Woof. While I was supposed to be writing I snuck around over there and read some of y'all's stories. Holy smokes. This is going to be brutal.