Ceramic DM- The Renewal ( Final judgement posted)


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BSF

Explorer
I think Eeralai's story perhaps suffered from being a little too regional and possibly a little too music oriented. That first paragraph is a little hard to get through, but then again I am the person that used "Meat" 10 times in an opening paragraph. Who am I to criticize an opener that the author uses to try to hold the mental perspective of the main character? :)

There are a lot of references to stuff that might not translate well outside of our localized region. I think losing the context of those references really obscures the problem of the main character. As well, if you aren't enough a Steely Dan fan to know the lyrics of their songs, there are hints that get missed in that context.

Speaking as the spousal unit, I was really surprised by this story. Eeralai usually avoids the subject of suicide like the plague. It was a serious departure from her normal writings. Stepping outside your comfort zone in writing can be risky, but it is a good opportunity to grow. I think Eeralai would welcome more commentary if anybody felt like sharing. Either in the Spectator thread, or possibly in this one if the judges don't mind. (After all, the story is judged so there is no bias to be had now.) Barring that, you can also email me and I will forward to Eeralai.

Congrats to Mythago and to everyone else advancing to the next round. It seems like we are getting a lot of varied stories in this contest with some very strong writing. It is so much fun to watch and see what people are cranking out.
 

mythago

Hero
A few more typos and misspellings than I am used to from Mythago. These are VERY disturbing.

I....I am ashamed.

(I was also posting from a hotel dialup in rural Colorado.)

Eeralai, I don't think your story was broken. I don't much like that genre and I did enjoy your story.
 

MarauderX

Explorer
alsih2o said:
Decision: [sblock] Thorod Ashstaff takes a split decision into the semifinals, 2-1[/sblock]

Awesome, I couldn't have lost to a better piece of writing. Thorod, I think everyone here would like to see more of Merrik, as this time your style matched perfectly with his personality. I will enjoy seeing more from you and let us know if you publish, I like what you have going here. Keep going and win this thing!

Thanks again judges. Maldur, thanks for the vote. Alsih2o, I was glad for the picture set that let us get out of the modern sci-fi genre. Eventhough the pics let me keep the story out of fantasy, I felt like I still had to push them into the story. Nothing good can come out of them being forced into the story, but I had hoped Thorod wouldn't be so dang good. Good point about the narrator being female, the title alone doesn't tell you. Having someone read through it before posting would show that glaring error, but this is not a team effort, right? PC, thanks for the input. I know my story was straining to add the pictures and still come out with a straight forward fiction piece, and perhaps I'll go about tweaking it to exclude the pictures. I was trying to get across that Barry did learn to organize his life and wanted to show her that as well as how to let go and understand his.

Judges, competitors, thanks again. I'll see you in the next CDM.
 

Thorod Ashstaff

First Post
Thank you, judges! The competition in this thing is strong, and I never expected to make it to the semi-finals (the Final Four, Mythago, et al, okay, NOW I'm nervous). And thanks, Marauder X, for your comments, and your perception/reality tale. Yes, now that I've discovered Merrick, I have a feeling he will insist on more coverage in future writings, maybe a series of stories, Kolchak with an edge? Does anyone remember Kolchak?

Clay, I will accept pictures if someone else is available. You may fire when ready! (Hey, a potter, firing, does that mean we sixteen are all being tempered in the writing kiln? :) Call us Shadrach).
 
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FireLance

Legend
Winter 2005 Ceramic DM Round 2: FireLance vs. orchid blossom

Huntress

The heat and the humidity felt oppressive as I made my way to the village centre. This was particularly so since I was enjoying a relatively cool and dry summer's day in Perth about twenty minutes ago. One of the downsides of the job, I guess.

"Where are we this time?" I whispered.

The Philippines, Nethane'El thought back, A village in the Davao region of the Mindanao Island, to be exact.

"Where is our target?"

Close.

In the village centre, a circular arena had been set up. Two chickens pecked and clawed at each other in the arena while the villagers watched intently. (1) Apparently, this was what passed for entertainment in this part of the world.

"So which one is it?" I asked.

Angels were supposed to be eternally patient, but I felt a twinge of exasperation in his reply. Use the Sight, Melissa. You know how.

"Oh yes. Right. The Sight. How could I have forgotten about that? Silly me," I said. I was perhaps feeling a little miffed. After all, I hadn't been doing this for very long. Surely he couldn't expect me to have all the procedures down pat yet?

I concentrated, and the world gradually acquired a reddish tinge as my eyes re-focused to see into the spiritual plane. I was now able to see Nethane'El to my right, his handsome face calm and unruffled as usual, despite the mildly annoyed tone of his thought.

The village centre appeared mostly unchanged to my enhanced vision, with one exception. One of the chickens in the arena had acquired bat wings and a lizard tail. As I watched, it pecked its opponent hard in the throat, killing it.

"The weird chicken?" I asked.

Yes.

Money changed hands at the conclusion of the fight, and most of it seemed to end up in the pockets of one particular man, who I guessed had to be the owner of the chicken. I approached him after the crowd had dispersed and he had caged up his prize bird. Pointing to it, I asked, "How much?"

One brief bargaining session later, the man strode off with what must have seemed a small fortune to him, leaving me and the caged chicken in the village square.

"Right," I said, reaching for the cage, "Let's pick up the bird and get out of here."

Wait! Nethane'El thought, Wear your gloves first.

Right, I had forgotten. Ordinary human beings were purely physical creatures. As such, magical creatures could not affect them, at least, not until they had bonded with their hosts long enough to project their powers onto the physical world. My job was to catch them before they could do so. You see, I was blessed - or cursed - with a dual physical and magical nature, so I was able to see them. Unfortunately, it also meant that I could be affected by them. At least, that was what Nethane'El kept telling me, and that was why he always gave me something to protect myself whenever we went hunting for these creatures, such as the bridle I used to tame the horse with wings in Greece, or the harp I used to put the fire-breathing lizard to sleep in Italy, or the gloves that I had right now to protect me from the weird chicken.

I put on the gloves and picked up the cage. The chicken pecked at my hands and beat at them with its wings, but whatever the gloves did to protect me from the chicken must have worked because nothing happened. "Take us home, Nethane'El," I said.

The angel wrapped his arms around me and enfolded me with his wings (traveling was always the most fun part of the job) and suddenly we were back at my house in Perth. I always wondered how he could move me around the world. As a purely spiritual being, he normally wasn't able to affect anything physical, which was why he needed me to actually capture the magical creatures that had bonded to a physical host and perform the ritual that would break the link and bind them in the spiritual plane. The one time I asked, he said something about how the gods were able to grant their servants some limited abilities to affect the physical world, and the extent of the ability given to him was to move hunters like me around. When I asked why his god hadn't given him the power to affect the physical hosts of the magical creatures directly, instead of involving me as the middle man (or woman), he just muttered something about ancient tradition and divine will and how all will be revealed when the time is right. It didn't sound very convincing to me.

So, back in the familiar comfort of home, I performed the ritual on the chicken. The spiritual aspect of the chicken, the one with bat wings and lizard tail, broke off from the physical body, and as I intoned the final words, something which looked like a glass bottle appeared around the spiritual form and encased it totally. Nethane'El walked over to the bottled chicken, spoke a few words, and some grey energy came out of the chicken and settled in his hand. He walked over to me and handed me two darts with grey feathers. Use these well, he thought, In your hands, anything pierced by these darts will turn to stone. Then, he walked back to the chicken, touched its bottle, and both of them vanished.

After he left, I went to the study to pack my latest acquisitions with the magical stuff I had obtained from my previous hunts: a feather from the horse which enabled me to fly, and teeth from the lizard which were supposed to grow into soldiers. The three thick books that Nethane'El had given to me for background reading, Deities and Demigods, Monster Manual and Fiend Folio, were still lying untouched on my desk. I briefly considered looking through them before deciding that I was too hot and uncomfortable from my trip to the Philippines to be able to concentrate. I needed a dip in the pool.

I had fallen in love with the indoor pool, with its high ceiling and diving board, the first time that I saw it. It was still my favorite part of the house, even now, about one month after Nethane'El appeared in my cramped New York flat and told me (after I had stopped screaming, anyway) that I was the only relative of my long-lost aunt who had the ability to see magical creatures, and so I had inherited her house in Perth, her fortune and her job. I was feeling rather sick of waitressing, so I had jumped at the chance to try something new. Things seemed to be working out pretty well so far.

I had just changed into my swimming costume and was about to head for the pool when the doorbell rang. One of the disadvantages of the job was that I couldn't have any maids or butlers around to help, just in case anybody got suspicious at the way I seemed to appear and disappear. Grumbling to myself, I put on a bathrobe over my swimming costume and went to see who it was.

Peering through the eyehole of the door, I saw two children, a boy and a girl, wearing funny woolen masks that covered up almost the whole of their faces, leaving holes only for the eyes and mouth. (2) Curious, I opened the door. "Yes?" I asked.

"Trick or treat!" the children said.

"Is this some kind of joke?" I said, "It's not Halloween, you know."

"Is this not December, and is it not the tenth month?" the girl asked, "And is today not the Eve of All Hallows, when children go from door to door to receive presents?"

"It is December, but it's the twelfth month, and today is Christmas Eve, not Halloween. What's going on?" I asked suspiciously.

"Alas, it appears that the changes that have been made to the calendar have confused us," the boy said, with a glare at the girl that obviously meant, I told you so, "We had hoped that hordes of children coming to your door would aid us in our deception, but it appears that it is not to be."

"Deception? What are you taking about?" I said. Belatedly, I realized that if these children were bonded to some kind of magical creature, I had put myself in a very dangerous spot. Quickly, I focused my Sight. There was the barest hint of something strange, but the children appeared to be normal otherwise.

"Be at ease, Melissa, for we mean you no harm. In fact, we have come to bring you warning," the girl said, "Our... well, the relationship is somewhat complex, but for simplicity, let us call him our uncle. Our uncle has been most offended at your recent activities, for you have captured something dear to him, and he means to seek revenge. My brother here consorts with oracles, and their visions show that you will face three perils: the peril of water, the peril of flesh and the peril of earth. You must guard yourself, and command the magic that you possess, or you will perish."

"What? Who's trying to kill me? Who are you?"

"We dare not speak the name of our uncle," the boy said, "He is attuned to his name, and speaking it will surely draw his attention. We will not tell you ours as well, for he may hear our names and investigate."

"But know this, Melissa," the girl said, "Well are you named that, for though you work with one who serves Another, you are a maiden huntress, and you are mine. Be well." With that, both the children vanished.

I was stunned for a moment, than quickly slammed the door shut. "Nethane'El, I need you," I called, but there was no reply. A glance outside the window confirmed my worst fears. The sun had set, and it was Friday, so Nethane'El was observing the Shabbat or whatever he called it. I was on my own until Saturday night.

Well, if Nethane'El could not help me, perhaps the magical items that he made for me could. Quickly, I rushed back to the study, and grabbed hold of the feather, the teeth and the darts. Feeling slightly more assured now that I had magic to fight with, I thought a bit more about what the children had said. The peril of water... With a sinking feeling, I went to investigate the pool.

It was dark by now, so I turned on the lights and focused my Sight, paying special attention to the water. The water, which had appeared crystal clear to my normal vision, seemed dark and oily in the spiritual plane. Without warning, a section of the water fountained out of the pool and hurled itself at me. I managed to dodge it, but it gathered into a great glob that caught hold of my bathrobe. Shrugging off the robe, I ran for the diving board. My only thought was to get away from the glob, and climbing seemed to be the best option. Surely something that looked and acted like living jelly wouldn't be able to get up a ladder.

I reached the top and was about to pause for a moment to catch my breath when the entire diving board shook violently. Looking down, I saw that the glob had surrounded the base of the ladder, and had slammed into it hard. Before I could react, it slammed into the ladder again, and I lost my balance. I managed to cling on to the very edge of the diving board, but I lost my grip on one of my precious darts, and it fell into the waters below. Immediately, the surface of the water, which had been shivering violently just a moment ago, stiffened and froze. The water had turned to stone.

I was still not out of danger yet. The blob continued to shake the ladder, and I was rapidly losing my grip. If I fell, dropping onto solid rock would kill me as surely as falling into whatever the water had been before. As the blob prepared itself for another assault on the ladder, I clung desperately to the diving board with one arm and flung my last dart at the blob with the other. The shaking stopped, and I managed to grab onto the diving board with both hands. A downward glance showed me that the blob had turned to stone, too. (3)

I climbed back on top of the diving board and lay there for what seemed like hours, frightened and exhausted from my near brush with death. Eventually, I managed to summon the strength to crawl down from the diving board and into bed, but it was a long time before I could get to sleep.

The next day, the sound of roaring and loud crashing jolted me awake. The house shook with each loud crash, as if a wrecking ball was hitting it repeatedly.

I crept to the window and noted with relief that by the sun, it was late in the afternoon. Nethane'El's help was only a few short hours away. Then, I glanced towards the rest of the house and my relief vanished. A one-eyed giant, almost as tall as the house itself, was pounding on it with an enormous club. Already, there were gaping holes in the roof and the upper floors. The peril of flesh, I thought with a sinking feeling. At the rate that it was going, the giant would have destroyed the house, and probably me as well, before nightfall.

Frantically, I looked for an escape route from my bedroom on the second floor. Quickly improvising a scene that had been in countless movies, I ripped my bedsheet into shreds and turned it into a makeshift rope, which I tied to the window and used to climb down. With a single backward glance at my poor, abused house, I ran into the garden surrounding it. When I felt that I was a safe enough distance away, I stopped under a tree to catch my breath and consider my options.

I was all out of darts, and I could always use the feather to fly away as a last resort. If the lizard's teeth worked as I was told, perhaps the soldiers they produced would be able to drive the giant away.

I took the teeth and pressed them into the earth in neat rows. Then, I took a step back and waited. The results were gratifying. First, helmets appeared in the ground, and quickly rose to reveal heads, then muscular torsos, then arms bearing swords and large shields. Before long, a group of soldiers dressed in ancient armor stood before me.

One of them approached me, arm raised in a salute. "Ave, mistress. What are your commands?" he asked.

I pointed in the direction of my house. "There is a one-eyed giant destroying a house over there," I said, "Drive it away."

"It shall be done," he said, and barked orders to the men. As one, they ran towards the house. I followed at a safe distance, eager to see whether they would win.

It was a long, terrible and bloody battle. The soldiers had the advantage of skill, tactics, and numbers, but the giant was incredibly strong and seemed to have a remarkably tough hide. The soldiers' swords barely scratched it. On the other hand, every time the giant's club connected with a soldier, he was smashed to pulp. One by one, the soldiers fell, until as the sun set, only the commander was left. He did not last much longer. When the last light faded from the skies, the giant's club came down on him with a decisive thud.

The giant looked around, its one eye oddly luminous in the darkness. Some instinct seemed to prompt it, and he swung around and faced me directly. Slowly, it lumbered towards me, swinging its club with an evil smile on its face.

"Nethane'El, where are you?" I whispered.

Here, came the reply.

"Nethane'El!" I exclaimed, dizzy with relief. Focusing my Sight, I turned to my right and saw him there. In his hands, he held a spear.

Take this spear, he thought, Throw it at the giant's eye.

Nodding, I grasped the weapon and faced the giant. It had obviously seen Nethane'El as well, for its pace had slowed and it was looking nervous.

"Take that," I said fiercely as I flung the spear.

"No! Not again!" the giant screamed as the spear pierced its eye, the first coherent words I had heard it speak. "Father! Help me!"

Quick, Melissa, while it is blinded, bind it! Nethane'El thought.

I did not have to be told twice. I completed the ritual in half the time I normally took, and soon, the spiritual form of the one-eyed giant was locked in a bottle. Then, physically and emotionally drained, I collapsed in a heap on the ground.

Melissa, Nethane'El's thought came again, Do not fear. The danger is over for now. Tell me what happened.

Wearily, I looked up and related to him the events of the past day. As he listened, his normally placid expression grew increasingly concerned.

So you must still face one more peril, the peril of earth, he thought. He appeared pensive, then seemed to make a decision. No, I must do what I can to guard you from this peril. I must investigate this. But my investigations will take time, and it is too dangerous for you to stay here. Come, I will take you somewhere far from mountains and earthquakes. Perhaps you can avoid the peril there while I try and discover who is behind this.

He enfolded me in his wings again, and suddenly, we were on a beach. A tropical beach, from what I could feel of the temperature and the humidity. Stay here until I come for you, Nethane'El thought, and vanished.

A short distance away from where Nethane'El had left me was a hotel. "Poseidon Bungalows, Khao Lak, Thailand," I said softly to myself, reading the signboard. I shrugged. Nethane'El had been alerted now, and would surely keep careful watch. And there were worse places to be than on a beach in Thailand on Boxing Day.

. . . . .

(1) The coc^H^Hhicken fight in the village
(2) The twins, Artemis and Apollo
(3) Melissa clings onto the diving board after petrifying the blob
(4) The dragon teeth legionnaires
(5) The cyclops bound into a bottle
 

orchid blossom

Explorer
Round 2 orchid blossom vs. FireLance

Child's Play


"You two had better be in bed by the time I count ten! One...two...three...four.."

"But Mom!"

The voice from the living room came louder. "Five...six...seven..."

Bobby and Derek both dived for their beds as their mother's shadow crept up the hall.

"Eight...Nine...Ten. And tomorrow you're going to tell me where you got that figurine and return it."

"Mom, we already told you," Bobby said for the fourth time.

She put her hands on her hips and stared. "You told me a story. Tomorrow we try the truth." The door shut with a quiet click leaving the brothers in the dark.

"We saved her," Derek said as he snapped on the bedside lamp. He looked at the small lady hanging from the diving board. "It's not our fault she doesn't know how to change back."

.......................................................

Earlier that day....

Derek and Bobby stood against the gray canvas wall off the tent. Two sets of eyes scanned the fairgrounds, looking for anyone suspicious. "This mask is itchy," Derek said, reaching underneath it to scratch his neck.

"We're superheroes, we have to protect our secret identities. Too bad if it's itchy." Bobby turned back toward the tent opening and peeked inside. There were sounds of shouting, and Bobby saw the ring where two roosters were fighting. "I told you we were perfect for this job. We can sneak right past those people and into the back where they're keeping The Morph. C'mon."

Bobby walked confidently into the tent, Derek a step behind him. "It only works at night, I thought. With the full moon."

"Don't be stupid, that's wolves."

The brothers pushed their way through the adult bodies to a large canvas curtain the separated the arena from the private areas. The roosters began to raise a cacophony when the boys entered the pens. They dashed across the room between the crates of roosters to an actual wooden wall in the middle of the tent.

"I'll bet he's in here. Why else would they have a real building inside a tent?" Bobby tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

"Mr. Morph would turn into a key and open it."

"Yeah, well, he's in there, so that's not much help."

From inside the wooden walls they heard two voices.

"Better put on our good disguises," Bobby smiled. He looked at his brother as they both began to shimmer, their forms shifting and blurring. They shrank, feathers sprouting from their bodies, as their feet became claws and their noses stretched and hardened into beaks.

"No one here but us chickens," Derek thought to his brother, who immediately pecked him hard in the wing. "What was that for?"

"Bad jokes. Come on, this way."

"If we pecked them, would they be werehumans?" Derek wondered to Bobby.

"I don't know. That's a weird question."

The voices were getting closer, and while Bobby waited by the door Derek went over to the nearest crate and pecked the rooster inside hard. "Geez Derek, come on!"

The wooden door opened and two men walked out. It was hard to tell how big they were from their spot on the ground, but they didn't seem to notice as two roosters slipped past them into the building just before the door shut. They shimmered and changed again after they heard the voices fade away.

"I think they'd like to be werehumans," Derek said defensively.

"You would. Come on, help me find him. He'll be in his real form, so he shouldn't be very big."

Bobby and Derek began a thorough search of the room, finding any number of odd or interesting things. A lot of the things were really old, and there were lots of musty old books too. On the higher shelves were some figures that Derek guessed were toys. Lots of them were of superheroes and villains, but there was one of a group of Roman soldiers, and up high one of a lady hanging onto a diving board.

Bobby opened the doors to a wardrobe and pushed back a red cloth. Underneath was a large jar, and floating inside was Mr. Morph. Bobby held back a victory whoop and tapped on the glass. The single eye snapped open and Bobby jumped back. "Smash the glass," a voice told him inside his head.

He reached inside but couldn't move the heavy jar by himself. "Hey Derek, there a bat or something over there?"

"Is that him?"

"Yeah, but we have to break the glass to get him out."

Derek took a quick look around and spotted a set of golf clubs in the corner. He grabbed one for him and one for Bobby, and on the count of three they both swung at the glass. Liquid came pouring out and Mr. Morph wove the wave to the ground. He immediately changed his form into a small dog. "No one will suspect two boys and their dog," his thought came to both boys.

"Now, one of you get up there and grab that statue of the lady on the diving board. She used to be a superhero too, until they caught her."

As Derek climbed up her asked, "You mean the statue used to be her? Why do they keep her like that?"

"Because that's how they caught her. She had water powers, so they like the idea of her dangling from a diving board, never able to get to the water. I might be able to change her back, but not right now. Let's go."

The two boys and Mr. Morph slipped back out the door, through the rooster pens and into the arena. As they pushed through the crowd Mr. Morph said, "I see the men who were in the room with me. They're on their way back to the pens, we'd better hurry."

It only took a minute or two to work their way through the crowd and back out into the fresh air. Over the shouting from the men watching the rooster fights they could hear louder, angrier screams and the breaking of glass. Bobby and Derek looked wide-eyed at one another and ran.

Mr. Morph kept up, and they left the fairgrounds behind them in short order. They were running through the parking when they heard the timed march of feet coming toward them. Over the hill they saw a group of soldiers dressed in shining armor come down the road and block it. They each had a big, rectangular shield, and all together they moved them until they looked like they were inside a little house.

Bobby and Derek looked at each other for a moment. "Those men had a toy that looked like that, and Mr. Morph said maybe the lady could be brought back. Those men must have sent the soldiers."

Mr. Morph began to change, the furry little dog disappearing into the enormous boulder that began to grow, looking almost as if it came up from the ground. "Run after me boys, I'll clear the road." Mr. Morph then began to roll forward like a bowling ball, and the soldiers flew out of the way like pins. The boys ran laughing through the wreckage as each soldier turned back to a toy. They kept laughing as they made their way home.

.........................................

The next morning....

Mom pulled the covers back over her head as she heard roosters crow. "I thought we moved to the city to get away from roosters!" she muttered. The noise kept up, and she finally gave up on getting back to sleep. She pulled on her robe and wandered over to the window that looked out over the backyard.

She rubbed her eyes and looked again. There were two roosters strutting around her backyard. And why was there a woman in a bathing suit? She closed her eyes and looked again. A little brown dog was jumping around behind her as she waved to the roosters, then the woman and the dog disappeared through the hedge to the triumphant crows of the roosters.

She walked down the hallway to her boys' bedroom and looked inside. The beds were still mussed and warm, but that figurine of the woman in the bathing suit was gone. Mom shut the door, walked back to her room, lowered her window blinds and climbed back into bed, pulling the pillow over her head.
 

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