DnD while married/relationship - any advice

[Dajal]

How often do you guys meet up?
If your married with kids has that slowed down Your frequency in meeting up as usual?

Cover's some advice for husbands to prepare the house.

What have you guys encountered?
Any advice on making things as smooth as possible so game time happens?

 

[Retreater]

My wife games with us, but when I'm in groups that don't involve her, she works on other hobbies.
When I was in relationships with non-gamers, it all comes down to communication.

• Make sure my partner is comfortable with everyone attending.
• Make sure I do the housework needed to prepare and clean up afterwards.
• Have a dedicated gaming space so we're not taking over the kitchen, for example.
• Schedule appropriately - don't spring unplanned sessions on your partner.

 

[GreyLord]

How often do you guys meet up?
If your married with kids has that slowed down Your frequency in meeting up as usual?

Cover's some advice for husbands to prepare the house.

What have you guys encountered?
Any advice on making things as smooth as possible so game time happens?

Marry someone who is a gamer or someone who can be converted. Once that's done, Game with them every night.

Once you have kids, incorporate the kids into the gaming party.

That means you get to game a LOT more!!!

Of course, the downside is once your kids grow up and move away, you have a much smaller group again (Yea for grandkids??? but then grandkids aren't around as much).

With other groups, I suppose it depends on your schedules and how your family does things. If you have a gamer spouse they may actually be more into getting the game together than you are.

Probably once a week or once every other week I'd say for some groups.

However, I also have a very irregular group where we are now all old people. Their kids are mostly grown up and such so you would think that we'd be able to meet together more often, but we only get together around every 3-6 months.

So, I guess it depends on the people in your group and who you game with.

[*]Have a dedicated gaming space so we're not taking over the kitchen, for example.

Oh, yeah, that's something else. I DO have a dedicated gaming room. (actually I have two, and that doesn't count my Library. I have a game room for General Games such as RPGs and boardgames, that has a LARGE table in it. I have a more personal game room with my main boardgame collection and a smaller table for more close groups like familly, and I also have my library but no gaming normally goes on in the library - Library just holds a lot of the RPG books).

A dedicated gameroom DOES help.

 

[Eyes of Nine]

Make sure your spouse has their own hobby - whether gaming or other.

Then when you want to go gaming, they can go do macrame, or golfing, or whatever. Or sometimes they will go off and do their own thing, and you'll be the one sitting around at home. It's super good and important and healthy for each of you to have your own lives

And then be sure to carve out time (maybe a lot of time) to spend together doing something you both love

 

[Jd Smith1]

#1 Never play D&D.

#2 Its like any hobby after marriage. Or anything else. Marriage is about give and take, compromise, and being able to live in close proximity to another person for extended periods of time without killing them.

There are four issues on which most marriages fail: how kids are raised, how money is spent, personal space, and having a mutual definition of fidelity.

Myself, I owe my thirty years and counting to the same rules that I learned in the Army: Go where you are sent, kill who you're told, and don't ask a lot of questions.

 

[Ravenheart87]

None of my relationships hindered my hobbies in a significant way. The kid though, now that's eating up time like popcorn. Can't wait till he's big enough to roll dice.

 

[aco175]

I think the bigger issues my wife and I had concerning my hobbies was her seeing me as getting to do something fun while she stayed home dealing with the kids. We have had a stable place to play D&D at the Legion after the Scout meeting, so we never played at our home. I do recall my mother being a bit upset with the noise levels when we played at my parents house over the years. Half the noise is my father who is half deaf and talks way too loud. She is a saint though and never said we could not play.

I do agree that your wife should have other hobbies she likes to do and be able to go do them. I also find a set time works best for scheduling things and keeping everyone happy. I D&D every Wednesday night after scouts. She is going to bed at that time, so not a big deal. I also golf every Friday after work. This took a bit more telling her to not plan things on Fridays, but it works and she makes plans for Saturday or Thursday night.

Now the kids are older and everything is fine(ish). The boy is in college and plays with us when he is home. The girl is in high school and busy with cheering and whatever teenage girls do.

 

[MNblockhead]

My wife isn't into TTRPGs at all. When I ran games in person, what made it a lot easier is that our lower level is a daylight basement with its own entrance, its own refrigerator, mini stove, sink, counter, and bathroom. So my wife and kids can do their own thing without feeling like I was taking over the house. Also, I only had one game day a month, but it was for 8 hours, sometimes longer.

It also helps that she has her own hobbies. She takes dance classes two or three times a week. I think it is important that both spouses have activities and friends they enjoy separate from family and work. Family, work, and friends are the three legs for a stable life and, therefore, a stable marriage.

My current job requires I travel and am away from home a lot. Makes gaming online easy. It is the being away from home so much that is hard.

 

[MNblockhead]

Oh, another thing. I'm a big believer in each spouse having a separate bank account. We have a joint and each have a personal checking account. After investment and savings, everything needed to cover monthly expenses goes into the joint account and we each have an amount that go to our personal accounts. When one of us makes more, we contribute extra to the other's personal account to keep it even. That way there is not friction or discussion on whatever dumb thing (in the eyes of the other) we want to spend it on.

The amount of space my books and games takes up has been a minor issue, but it has been easy to address as all the bookshelves are downstairs. I used to have the main area be a dedicated gaming area, but added floor to ceiling bookshelves in the guest room so we can more easily reserve the large area as a multi-use space.

I'm not a fan of suburban living and house ownership (bought current place for the school district and more space for the kids), but it certainly makes it easier to carve out separate spaces for different uses and allowing family members to do their own thing when they want to without constantly negotiating who gets to use what space for what at what times.

 

[Osgood]

My wife enjoys board games, but isn't interested in RPGs, so she stays upstairs when everyone arrives (to keep the dogs calm--one really freaks out when people are in the house). Weather permitting she might go hiking with a friend, otherwise she reads or watches trash TV while we play. It's never been an issue.

Years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman who did not get it and was jealous of the time I spent gaming. At one point she told me I had to choose between her and D&D... that did not go they way I bet she thought it would.