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Funniest Thing you have heard at the gaming table
- Thread starter Sidran
- Start date
ConcreteBuddha
First Post
"Do we really have to hide in the oven?"
Once Upon An Adventure....
The System was Cyberpunk 2020. The players we'll call me, L (the DM), Chris, Harvey and Evil T.
The begining isn't exactly important or interesting, so I'll spare everyone.
But for whatever reason, and it wasn't good, we (me, Chris, and Harvey) were muscling our way into a nightclub in the late afternoon as they were preparing for that nights entertainment. My character was that normal person trapped in the stupid universe, like Mia Sara in Timecop. But I'd set the evening aside, so he didn't blow them off with a "Hey good idea, but I gotta go get a pack of smokes (tell everything to the cops) and see you in five (to ten, psychos)."
We bust into the kitchen via the alley entrance after some arguing by Evil T after he talked the door shut, locked, bolted, braced and welded closed, when it was probably just open to begin with. The DM rather than subject everyone to four hours (not always an exageration where Evil T is concerned) of pointless arguing only to be worn down into capitulating, just relented right away. Whether out of mercy or pragmatism I never actually asked. I should mention that L, myself and Evil T knew each other quite well, Chris and Harvey ... well me and L knew their names. So we go in, we've got guns, Evil T a tinted motorcycle helmet he wears everywhere (no reason) the underpaid, unarmed workers are understandably compliant. Initially. Evil T makes some initially confusing and ambigous demands, then starts asking them for information that would seem unlikely for them to have. To make his point, he said he makes the targeting scope of his cyberoptics appear to the people he's questioning as an intimidating gesture. (Which of course isn't how it works, but this is Evil T, and that's not relavant.) So now a weird guy wearing a motorcycle helmet, is brandishing a weapon, and taking cybernetic aim at people within arms reach (principally an attractive young woman) while he essentially demands answers to questions they can't know, and he's getting angry. But he decides on another erratic course of action, unbeknownst to us. And starts securing the, well ... essentially hostages. The whole time I'm almost playing an NPC trying to moderate the situation coopratively with DM, Chris and Harvey are going along in a confused and somewhat embarised fashion. When he gets to the young woman, he partially secures her to a chair. At which time he announces, "Ok. Now I take off her pantyhose!" L and I exchanged panicked looks which can only be adequately described by the phrase "HOLY F---!" Turns out he just wanted to use the nylon to tie her more securely. L and I had a good nervous laugh. And the story is still found ammusing by the people who know Evil T to this day.
The System was Cyberpunk 2020. The players we'll call me, L (the DM), Chris, Harvey and Evil T.
The begining isn't exactly important or interesting, so I'll spare everyone.
But for whatever reason, and it wasn't good, we (me, Chris, and Harvey) were muscling our way into a nightclub in the late afternoon as they were preparing for that nights entertainment. My character was that normal person trapped in the stupid universe, like Mia Sara in Timecop. But I'd set the evening aside, so he didn't blow them off with a "Hey good idea, but I gotta go get a pack of smokes (tell everything to the cops) and see you in five (to ten, psychos)."
We bust into the kitchen via the alley entrance after some arguing by Evil T after he talked the door shut, locked, bolted, braced and welded closed, when it was probably just open to begin with. The DM rather than subject everyone to four hours (not always an exageration where Evil T is concerned) of pointless arguing only to be worn down into capitulating, just relented right away. Whether out of mercy or pragmatism I never actually asked. I should mention that L, myself and Evil T knew each other quite well, Chris and Harvey ... well me and L knew their names. So we go in, we've got guns, Evil T a tinted motorcycle helmet he wears everywhere (no reason) the underpaid, unarmed workers are understandably compliant. Initially. Evil T makes some initially confusing and ambigous demands, then starts asking them for information that would seem unlikely for them to have. To make his point, he said he makes the targeting scope of his cyberoptics appear to the people he's questioning as an intimidating gesture. (Which of course isn't how it works, but this is Evil T, and that's not relavant.) So now a weird guy wearing a motorcycle helmet, is brandishing a weapon, and taking cybernetic aim at people within arms reach (principally an attractive young woman) while he essentially demands answers to questions they can't know, and he's getting angry. But he decides on another erratic course of action, unbeknownst to us. And starts securing the, well ... essentially hostages. The whole time I'm almost playing an NPC trying to moderate the situation coopratively with DM, Chris and Harvey are going along in a confused and somewhat embarised fashion. When he gets to the young woman, he partially secures her to a chair. At which time he announces, "Ok. Now I take off her pantyhose!" L and I exchanged panicked looks which can only be adequately described by the phrase "HOLY F---!" Turns out he just wanted to use the nylon to tie her more securely. L and I had a good nervous laugh. And the story is still found ammusing by the people who know Evil T to this day.
Kahuna Burger
First Post
In a one shot adventure where everyone was a familiar, war horse, etc:
player- "ok, do we have some rope or something that we could tie him up with?"
DM- Long silent stare....
player- "Holy cow! NONE of us have opposable thumbs!"
kahuna burger
player- "ok, do we have some rope or something that we could tie him up with?"
DM- Long silent stare....
player- "Holy cow! NONE of us have opposable thumbs!"
kahuna burger
Lucius Foxhound
First Post
From our last adventure:
DM: Okay, he's helpless.
Player1: I do a Coup d'etet on him!
Player2: You want to overthrow his government?
DM: Okay, he's helpless.
Player1: I do a Coup d'etet on him!
Player2: You want to overthrow his government?
Those are good guys.
Here is another of those I have heard
DM (ME) Around the Corner you hear a strange sound...
PLAYER 1; Like what type of sound
DM ( ME) Squeek E, Squeek E, Thump
PLAYER 2 What type of sound is that
PLAYER 1 The Type you here at a Cheapo Inn when Newlyweds in the room above you thats what
DM (Me) Umm Um...
PLAYER 2 So you mean to tell me we've been sent down into the Depths of the Goblin version of Las Vegas
DM (ME AS A GRUFF FEMALE GOBLINY VOICE from behind) Hey Boys
( AT WHICH POINT THE PARTY JUMPS AND RUNS FROM THE PARTIES NPC FEMALE DWARF TEE HEE
Here is another of those I have heard
DM (ME) Around the Corner you hear a strange sound...
PLAYER 1; Like what type of sound
DM ( ME) Squeek E, Squeek E, Thump
PLAYER 2 What type of sound is that
PLAYER 1 The Type you here at a Cheapo Inn when Newlyweds in the room above you thats what
DM (Me) Umm Um...
PLAYER 2 So you mean to tell me we've been sent down into the Depths of the Goblin version of Las Vegas
DM (ME AS A GRUFF FEMALE GOBLINY VOICE from behind) Hey Boys
( AT WHICH POINT THE PARTY JUMPS AND RUNS FROM THE PARTIES NPC FEMALE DWARF TEE HEE
Last edited:
Henry
Autoexreginated
The funniest thing I have ever heard was a DM who was trying to pronounce an NPC named "Big Gizz". He kept giving "Gizz" a soft "G" sound instead of a hard "G", and couldn't understand why we couldn't stop snickering. It didn't occur to us for several minutes afterward that he DIDN'T recognize what he was calling the NPC, which then made the whole table erupt in side-splitting laughter.
He hates this story.
He hates this story.
Lucius Foxhound
First Post
Also from our last adventure...
Our Druid casts Spike Growth in the area which decimates a goblin army. However, we needed him to dispel them so we could all walk through the area.
Player 1: Hey Druid, dispel those spikes.
Druid: I can't.
DM: Are you sure about that?
Druid: (Opening his PHB) Yes.
Player 2: Dude, I'm pretty sure you can.
Druid: No! (getting angry) I'm reading it right now. I can't!
DM: What's it say under "duration"?
Druid: 1 Hour per level. We have to wait for 9 hours.
Player 1: Is there perhaps a big "D" next to the duration?
Druid: Yes.
Player 1: Well, what do you think that stands for?
Druid: "Druid."
Our Druid casts Spike Growth in the area which decimates a goblin army. However, we needed him to dispel them so we could all walk through the area.
Player 1: Hey Druid, dispel those spikes.
Druid: I can't.
DM: Are you sure about that?
Druid: (Opening his PHB) Yes.
Player 2: Dude, I'm pretty sure you can.
Druid: No! (getting angry) I'm reading it right now. I can't!
DM: What's it say under "duration"?
Druid: 1 Hour per level. We have to wait for 9 hours.
Player 1: Is there perhaps a big "D" next to the duration?
Druid: Yes.
Player 1: Well, what do you think that stands for?
Druid: "Druid."
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