I... actually met a girl!

[Aurora]

So, you are still seperated then?
Honestly, because I don't know what your wife is thinking/feeling, it would be hard to give you sound advice as to how this will work out in the end. From what you said, it sounds like she loves you and you love her. Things about my spouse drive me nuts, and vice versa. There are times that I feel unhappy, but I know that giving up on my marriage isn't the answer. The grass always looks greener on the other side, and that may be why she feels the need to "see someone else" during your seperation. Just to prove to herself that she has it best with you. There have been times that I have looked at my husband and thought maybe I would be happier with someone else and then I realize that it's just not true. No one will be able to put up wth me the way he does. LOL She may just need proof of the same thing for herself. My only advice I can give, is to continue working on the things that YOU know you need to change to make you a better man/husband/father. The fact that you are dating each other is a great thing. Making time for each other is very important. Let it be something you continue doing even after you have ironed things out and are officially back together. I find it easy to get stuck in the rut of life and routine and not spend enough time with my husband. When that happens our relationship suffers. Good luck.

edit: I do however, think she needs to be honest to all partes involved regarding her relationship with this other man. She needs to tell him the truth. If "dating other people" is permisable in this seperation then she shouldn't feel the need to hide it from you, but she needs to be honest to the guy she is "dating" as well.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I'm not going to give you much in the way of advice as I think this is a pretty complicated situation as it without me muddying the waters. I do think that it is strange that she is "dating" another guy and supposedly nothing is going on though. I don't know what you consider dating but from a guy's perspective I wouldn't be going out with someone on multiple dates unless they were showing at least some sort of affection my way (i.e. kissing, I'm not suggesting anything more than that).

Olaf the Stout

 

[chakken98]

I do however, think she needs to be honest to all parties involved regarding her relationship with this other man. She needs to tell him the truth. If "dating other people" is permisable in this seperation then she shouldn't feel the need to hide it from you, but she needs to be honest to the guy she is "dating" as well.

The funny thing is she did tell this guy that she doesn't want a relationship, and she just wants to date. Also, the guy in question already new about me and enough about us (as our conversion he asked things about me that I knew he found out from Gina) and the fact that she was still in love with me. And there would be no affection between them. That and he was just upset that she was with me that night and tried to get me to ruin anything I could have with her. All he did was worsen the situation between them.

I do think that it is strange that she is "dating" another guy and supposedly nothing is going on though. I don't know what you consider dating but from a guy's perspective I wouldn't be going out with someone on multiple dates unless they were showing at least some sort of affection my way (i.e. kissing, I'm not suggesting anything more than that).

You know that was a thought that ran though my mind, but I know Gina very well and if she wasn't telling me the truth I'd call her out on it pretty quick. That and she's only been out with him twice. Mainly a phone thing. But as I said this most likely is what Aurora said and personally what I think. She is just dating someone so she can truly realize that I'm the only man for her. I'll just do what I do and wait for things to be well.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I guess if you're fine* with it then that's all that really matters. Personally I don't think that I could deal with my wife dating another man (not that you have much choice in the matter), even if she did tell me that there was nothing going on between them. Obviously my concept of "dating" is different to yours and your wife. It's a pity that she had to wait until you had been married for years and had children together before she tried to decide if you were the only man for her.

I hope things work out for you Chakken. Just make sure that she isn't using you to get the best of both worlds.

Olaf the Stout

* I think fine is very relative here. Of course you're not over the moon about it but you seem to be able deal with it without resorting to violence.

 

[chakken98]

I guess if you're fine* with it then that's all that really matters. Personally I don't think that I could deal with my wife dating another man (not that you have much choice in the matter), even if she did tell me that there was nothing going on between them. Obviously my concept of "dating" is different to yours and your wife. It's a pity that she had to wait until you had been married for years and had children together before she tried to decide if you were the only man for her.

I hope things work out for you Chakken. Just make sure that she isn't using you to get the best of both worlds.

Olaf the Stout

* I think fine is very relative here. Of course you're not over the moon about it but you seem to be able deal with it without resorting to violence.

Thanks Olaf,
I do appreciate you helping out . And I agree with you about her waiting until now to do this. But I think that it will be better for us in the long run...(or at least I hope so)

And its hard not to get upset/angry but as I have issues in that department I feel I have just proved to everyone that I know here that knows whats going on that I am healing inside and don't have to get angry about minor/major things. that and i couldn't dream of hurting her or the kids, that if something like that did happen. I'd get owned, beat, by that woman.

 

[grimwell]

My only thought is that you both should be seeing the same counselor -- or two counselors who work together and can help you both as individuals and as a couple. The key to everything going forward is good communication, and having a counselor in the process can really help out.

Beyond that, I wish you the best of luck. I wouldn't presume to have any good advice as to what you should be doing. I'm already impressed that you can admit your anger issues and are working on them. That's a great thing.

 

[chakken98]

My only thought is that you both should be seeing the same counselor -- or two counselors who work together and can help you both as individuals and as a couple. The key to everything going forward is good communication, and having a counselor in the process can really help out.

Beyond that, I wish you the best of luck. I wouldn't presume to have any good advice as to what you should be doing. I'm already impressed that you can admit your anger issues and are working on them. That's a great thing.

Yeah, we are planning a marriage counselor. But thanks

 

[Aurora]

I would just be careful Chakken. From what you have said, I seriously doubt this guy has his sights set on just being friends with your wife. If he is truly trying to sabotage your relationship (as you sad he did on the phone), he will take it even farther. I mean, like Olaf said, why would he willingly be a guniea pig unless he is secretly hoping that he won't just be a "test run". And if that is the case, he is going to be laying seeds of doubt in your wife's brain about your relationship. If he is charismatic enough, it could work too. Just be careful.

 

[chakken98]

That true, and I will be watching this pretty close. And yet not to close to become a snop. But I don't like to say I play that game as he does. But I am very stubbern and should it come to it won't go down without a fight.

 

[AdmundfortGeographer]

You know, this new stuff deserves its own thread... and a cameo appearance by Teflon Billy.

All I have to say is, seriously messed UP! Frankly, I don't see how what has gone on is repairable. "Just friends", my ass... It will haunt the relationship from now on. But that's just my opinion...