May and December...how young is too young?

[Testament]

I don't think your attraction to SJ is abnormal. She's an adult, you're an adult, the end. I'll go a step further into the realm of taboo--being attracted to a teenager, or even a pre-teen as an adult isn't abnormal either. They are developing people and can be fascinating in their own way. The difference is, of course, that a mature, stable person doesn't act on an attraction to a juvenile. <emphasis added>

I'll let you all in on a secret--when The Professional hit theatres in 1994, I was instantly smitten with Natalie Portman, even though she was all of 12 years old when that film was made (and I was 21). I pined for her while watching Beautiful Girls, just two years later. When Phantom Menace hit in 1999, I finally felt it was okay to mention that I thought she was sexy. But I'd thought it since the first time I saw her on-screen in 1994. I remember thinking then that she was gorgeous and would grow up to be stunning. Hey, I was right.

Similar story here. I remember watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and thinking that Emma Watson was mind-crushingly cute. Few years on and its clear that she's going to be absolutely stunning. Normal mentally healthy people don't act on those thoughts though.

 

[Jeff Wilder]

What matters, IMO, is how well two people compare in life experience. (This is aside from the age-of-consent issues, which I'm sure The Shaman felt were obvious.) Another poster touched on this when he mentioned that there's a huge difference between a 40/32 pair-up and a 24/16 pair up. In addition to the simple proportional difference (5:4 versus 6:4), the experience of "being an adult" should be shared. If you've been through college and into the real world, it's difficult to have a genuine romantic relationship with someone who doesn't have equivalent (not necessarily identical) life experience.

As an illustration, I began undergrad (and then law school) later than usual; I graduated law school about five years later than I would have if I'd gone the traditional seven-year route. So when I was in school, I had relationships with women who were also in school ... which typically made them substantially younger than I was. (I had 20 year old girlfriends when I was 27, 28, and 29.) At some level I actually considered women my age -- women who were on a career path or otherwise making their way in life -- to be "too old for me." It's not that I didn't find 30-something women attractive ... it's just that we really didn't have much in common aside from our age.

Now that I've been out of school for a few years and working, that's changing. While I'm still attracted to young-looking women (Scarlett J. made my "List" a few months back, in fact, and my experience with Natalie Portman was exactly the same as another poster described), I don't rule out older women any longer; a 36 year old woman has probably been in the real world longer than I have, but we do have those experiences in common now.

 

[The Shaman]

If you use expressions like "May and December" (which I don't understand) you are much too old to even be thinking about girls anyways.

I thought it tied in well with the 'May Memories' theme of the OT Forum. For what it's worth, that phrase was already long out-of-date when I was a kid...

 

[Hijinks]

If you use expressions like "May and December" (which I don't understand)

I believe the phrase comes from thinking of someone who is older as being in the "winter" of their lives, i.e. December ("Winter"), compared to someone who's only halfway or so through their life being around May or June.

Of course, I could be completely blowing smoke from where the sun don't shine...

 

[Pielorinho]

I once had a friend who at 20 was dating a 40-year-old guy. She spent a couple years trying to break up with him, and at 22 finally ended the engagement, after having tried (unsuccessfully) to lure another friend of mine into having an affair with her, becoming suicidally depressed, and inadvertantly making me go uber-crushy on her.

So she breaks up with this guy--did I mention that I'm roommates with both of them?--and moves out; and she and I start sorta seeing each other on weekends, and the guy starts mooning around the house singing "Don't Stand so Close to Me" and other songs about ephebophilia, and then he finds out I'm sorta seeing her and kicks me out of the house, and then she falls in love over the Internet with some 35-year-old, starts gossiping about me behind my back, and I cut off all contact with er.

Healthiest situation EVAR.

If someone wants to date someone 10 years, 20 years, 50 years younger than them, as long as both parties are consenting adults, I won't gainsay them. I might think it's creepy and a Very Bad Idea, but then, I think a lot of relationships are Very Bad Ideas, and it's really none of my business.

Daniel

 

[howandwhy99]

A good friend in college told me about the 1/2 +7 rule. I believe it may be italian as his family is where he learned of it originally.

In a nutshell, you are not supposed to date anyone 1/2 your age +7. So no one starts dating before 14 (and then just 14 year olds). 40+27 isn't so bad. 50+32, 60+37, on and on.

So then I asked him how old should you date upwards? (thinking it would be using the same equation in reverse). "As good as you can get" was his answer. So I think things are more often decided on a person to person level.

I still like the little rule as it gives me a proper "time to freak out" gauge. Not that I am interested in a Harold & Maude relationship.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

According to Playboy, the Porn industry & District Attorneys across the nation:

17 years and 365 days (366 on leap year) is too young. But that next morning. Bam.

Adult ready to take her clothes off for a 70 something year old man, or have sex with Ron Jeremy.

You nation's age may very.

Any meaningful relationship should keep in mind most girls mature by 18, guys by.... ummm, BOOBIES, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

 

[Angcuru]

It's ok to find anyone attractive (prepubescent children aside). It's ok to want to be with anyone (see above limitation). It's legal to be with someone 18 or older if you yourself are 18 or older.

Other than that, it varies from individual to individual. I for one believe that if two people can make a relationship work, age isn't a factor. Early in life, age gaps seems ultra-dramatic, but as time goes on, one learns that age is a number. It's a person's personality that matters.

 

[Psionicist]

One of my (male) friends is 20 years old and his girlfriend is 40 something. Wonder what would happen if we swapped the ages.

 

[Angcuru]

He'd be called a lecher and she'd be called a golddigger. Stoopid society.