Need help creating a stand up comedy routine in a fantasy setting
"I met this guy who said he was Thor. So I gave him some liniment."
RobShanti
Explorer
Nine Nazgûl and a Hobbit walk into a restaurant. "Can you spot me for dinner," asks the Hobbit, "I'm a little short."
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant. Hostess gives them a beeper. "How do we know when the table's ready," asks Adûnaphel, Lieutenant of Barad-Dûr. Hostess replies: "We'll give you a ring."
Nine Nazgûl walk into a bar. "We don't serve your kind here," says the bartender. Khamûl the Easterling, Scourge of the Plains, says, "Man, this place is wraith-ist!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant and survey the empty tables and bored waitstaff. Ren the Unclean, Phantom of Chey Sart, declares, "We shouldn't have a problem finding a seat--this place is undead!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a bar. The place is pitch-dark. "Why'd you pick this place, Horarmurâth of Dir," the Witch-King asks, looking around. "The advertisement, boss," replies his underling. "It said, in the darkness wine and dine them!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant. They can't see any place to sit down, so they come over to a table of diners and order them out of their seats. "What gives?" asks one of the surprised patrons. "Don't argue," snaps Adûnakhor, Prince of Shadows. "Wight makes right!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant. Hostess gives them a beeper. "How do we know when the table's ready," asks Adûnaphel, Lieutenant of Barad-Dûr. Hostess replies: "We'll give you a ring."
Nine Nazgûl walk into a bar. "We don't serve your kind here," says the bartender. Khamûl the Easterling, Scourge of the Plains, says, "Man, this place is wraith-ist!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant and survey the empty tables and bored waitstaff. Ren the Unclean, Phantom of Chey Sart, declares, "We shouldn't have a problem finding a seat--this place is undead!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a bar. The place is pitch-dark. "Why'd you pick this place, Horarmurâth of Dir," the Witch-King asks, looking around. "The advertisement, boss," replies his underling. "It said, in the darkness wine and dine them!"
Nine Nazgûl walk into a restaurant. They can't see any place to sit down, so they come over to a table of diners and order them out of their seats. "What gives?" asks one of the surprised patrons. "Don't argue," snaps Adûnakhor, Prince of Shadows. "Wight makes right!"
Good stuff, but the color of your formatting has made your humor as invisible as a beringed hobbit to those using the black forum skin.
Mad_Jack
Legend
Urgroth the half-orc is visiting Sharn for the first time. He's been told to stop at the Mile High Tavern, supposedly the greatest adventurer bar in Eberron, located near the top of one of the tallest towers in the city. As he climbs the tower, he wonders if Sir Gariel the Just will be there - Sir Gariel has always been his hero and the reason he became an adventurer.
Urgroth walks into the tavern and immediately spots Sir Gariel sitting at the bar. The tall, blonde, golden-skinned man sits on a stool surrounded by fawning women and men. Urgroth orders a few drinks to help gather up the courage to speak to his hero, and then introduces himself and asks to buy him a drink. Soon, they're knocking them back like old buddies.
Sometime later, after they're both quite drunk, Sir Gariel turns to Urgroth and says, "Hey, you wanna see something amazing?"
Urgroth nods his head and follows Gariel out onto the balcony.
Whereupon Gariel runs forward and dives over the railing. As Urgroth rushes to the railing, he sees Gariel plummet a mere hundred feet before he slows down and suddenly whips to the left, circling around the building a dozen times as he descends. Mere feet before the ground, the man slowly floats to a half and touches down gently.
Urgroth is stunned.
Several minutes later, when Gariel returns, the half-orc demands to to know how he did that.
And Gariel explains that the tower is so high that the winds blowing around it are strong enough to grab a man out of the air and whirl him around the building before depositing him unharmed on the ground. When Urgroth expresses his doubt, Gariel once again leaps off the balcony and circles down to a safe landing.
So Urgroth decides to give it a try.
And simply plummets to his death at high speed.
Sir Gariel laughs uproariously and returns to his seat at the bar, where the bartender gives him a dirty look and says...
"Y'know, Gariel, for an Aasimar, you can be a real **** sometimes..."
Urgroth walks into the tavern and immediately spots Sir Gariel sitting at the bar. The tall, blonde, golden-skinned man sits on a stool surrounded by fawning women and men. Urgroth orders a few drinks to help gather up the courage to speak to his hero, and then introduces himself and asks to buy him a drink. Soon, they're knocking them back like old buddies.
Sometime later, after they're both quite drunk, Sir Gariel turns to Urgroth and says, "Hey, you wanna see something amazing?"
Urgroth nods his head and follows Gariel out onto the balcony.
Whereupon Gariel runs forward and dives over the railing. As Urgroth rushes to the railing, he sees Gariel plummet a mere hundred feet before he slows down and suddenly whips to the left, circling around the building a dozen times as he descends. Mere feet before the ground, the man slowly floats to a half and touches down gently.
Urgroth is stunned.
Several minutes later, when Gariel returns, the half-orc demands to to know how he did that.
And Gariel explains that the tower is so high that the winds blowing around it are strong enough to grab a man out of the air and whirl him around the building before depositing him unharmed on the ground. When Urgroth expresses his doubt, Gariel once again leaps off the balcony and circles down to a safe landing.
So Urgroth decides to give it a try.
And simply plummets to his death at high speed.
Sir Gariel laughs uproariously and returns to his seat at the bar, where the bartender gives him a dirty look and says...
"Y'know, Gariel, for an Aasimar, you can be a real **** sometimes..."
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