RPG Evolution: The People Who Don't Game

Believe it or not, there's people who don't like games. At all.

Picture courtesy of Pixabay.​

We've all encountered it: we mention our gaming interests or someone notices our games and the response is, "I don't like games." There are a lot of reasons for why this is and their reasoning tells a lot about that person.

"They're a Waste of Time"​

Perhaps the most frequent response to gaming is that it's a frivolous past time, and therefore should not be pursued. This broad characterization has roots in the idea that free time should be spent productively, even if the benefits are ancillary. Practicing a sport is a means of exercise, tending a garden grows plants, etc. It's perhaps not a surprise that busy people are more inclined to take this stance because they're under intense pressure to maximize their free time when they have it. As Gloria Liu explains at the Atlantic:

Research finds that women generally have less leisure time than men, perhaps because of the gendered division of household work and child care. That could be why Yee told me he more often hears women than men express that games are a waste of time. This rings true for me, at least: When I think about the leisure activities I “indulge” in, such as cycling, they tend to have bonus benefits, like exercise.

But unless it's a contest with a reward at the end, games provide enjoyment simply by playing them. In a previous article for the Atlantic, Liu admitted as much:

Pointless goals, in contrast, are meant to be enjoyed. They trick us into doing the things we love, which can also put us in a flow state, where we’re deeply satisfied, present, and absorbed in the task at hand. (If you must justify the time, Price says, know that flow states can also boost creativity and serve as an antidote to the constant hijacking of our attention by our work, our devices, and our kids.)

In short, it's only a waste of time if you don't value the enjoyment that comes from gaming.

"It Tells Too Much About You"​

When I was playing Dungeons & Dragons in high school, one of my friends told me his father disapproved of the game -- not for the usual reasons (back in the 80s, the Satanic Panic was in full swing), but because he felt it shared too much about the participants involved. He was right:

Rachel Kowert, the research director for Take This, a nonprofit that supports mental health in the gaming community, told me that the beauty of getting to know people through play is that the relationships form “backwards.” “You meet someone on the street—you get to know them slowly over time and see if you can trust them,” she said. “But in a game, if you helped me kill this dragon, I immediately have some foundational level of trust.” In other words, games can reveal people’s core qualities: how they react when they’re stressed, how they cooperate in a team, or how they behave when they win or lose.

I'm often fond of saying that if a gaming group plays together long enough, they'll either be best friends or will drop out of the game. Tabletop role-playing in particular can be an intensely personal experience that accelerates relationships, including breaking them faster.

"I Don't Like That Game"​

Games are frequently painted in broad strokes by their most popular brands: board games bring to mind Monopoly, card games Poker, role-playing games Dungeons & Dragons. As many gamers are fond of pointing out, there's life beyond just killing dragons. But getting there requires being open to the concept in general, and often dislike of one game ends up a dismissal of all of them.

There are many different kinds of games for many different types of gamers. Quantic Foundry's survey offers a detailed breakdown of gamer interests, so it should come as no surprise that there's a game for everybody -- they just might not all be interested in the same game.

Your Turn: How do you respond to the people in your life who don't like games?

 

[aramis erak]

There‘s also an odd little scene I first encountered as a high schooler doing summer programs at Caltech, and every few years in the almost half a century since: hardcore rationalists, nearly but it quite exclusively male, vocally atheist (almost all proudly ignorant of philosophy, sociology, etc in general and convinced they didn’t have tastes or opinions, just rational responses to facts), etc. In Addition to scorning games, many gloried in also not reading any fiction, and either didn’t listen to music or only listened to very select types. Even in university-centered scenes they’re pretty thin on the ground - just common enough that I don’t feel silly generalizing about them this way.

I've encountered that type, too... but the two I met were raised in fundamentalist Christian families.

 

[Autumnal]

Hmm. I wish I knew more about the backgrounds of the ones I’ve encountered. Several were the children of scientists or professors, but others? Damfino.

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

nearly but it quite exclusively male

But of course.

 

[loverdrive]

There‘s also an odd little scene I first encountered as a high schooler doing summer programs at Caltech, and every few years in the almost half a century since: hardcore rationalists, nearly but it quite exclusively male, vocally atheist (almost all proudly ignorant of philosophy, sociology, etc in general and convinced they didn’t have tastes or opinions, just rational responses to facts), etc. In Addition to scorning games, many gloried in also not reading any fiction, and either didn’t listen to music or only listened to very select types. Even in university-centered scenes they’re pretty thin on the ground - just common enough that I don’t feel silly generalizing about them this way.

I studied as a software engineer and met tons of this type at university. Mine generalization would also include complete lack of actual technical skills despite the inflated ego.

 

[Doctor Futurity]

I'm not entirely sure why we're discussing teenagers like they're not reading this site: https://www.enworld.org/threads/another-year-of-en-world-demographics.680725/

(snip)

39% of visitors are aged 18-24.

First....ugh, I'm in the 7% right now, not too far from the 2%ers on that chart. OMG.

(EDIT: another way I can look at that chart: 78% of the people here are young enough that I could be their dad or granddad. Various curse words are forming in my mind).

Second: I wonder if there's a way to compare who is posting relative to age. I'm not at all sure if older gamers are more likely to post or younger gamers are. Based on the one younger gamer I know in my household (my son), he has gone purely video/audio for most interactions, and otherwise texts but would never even bother with a forum.

Further edit: For those advocating to just wait out your youth: I am 52 and still spend time trying to forget those years. And I had parents who were supportive of my interest in RPGs; virtually every friend I had was not so lucky*. My mother is one of those people who do not grokk gaming, though she understands I always have. She's 79, going on 80 now. She was watching a youtuber she likes recently (history guy) when she noticed his back shelf contained D&D books. She called to tell me about it, she was shocked herself to realize this guy, who is younger than me, was in to D&D. She thought that was something kids did in the 80's, and it hadn't really occurred to her it was still a thing, and I was still into it. She had her moment of cognitive dissonance there.


*They grew up, and did not keep the hobby due to the strong pressure to conform to the "games are for kids" mindset so prevalent in prior generations. Most of these guys got ahold of me on Facebook in the last few years, and brought up the old college games I ran, and how fun those were. None of them had gamed since, and were generally shocked to learn I had never stopped.

 

[Jd Smith1]

Believe it or not, there's people who don't like any given hobby.

 

[Autumnal]

Oh, sure. But most people most of the time don’t make a big deal about things they’re not interested in. It’s relatively rare for someone to invest sense of self in Not Doing That Thing and making sure that others know they’re Not Doing That Thing.