RPG Evolution: The People Who Don't Game

Believe it or not, there's people who don't like games. At all.

Picture courtesy of Pixabay.​

We've all encountered it: we mention our gaming interests or someone notices our games and the response is, "I don't like games." There are a lot of reasons for why this is and their reasoning tells a lot about that person.

"They're a Waste of Time"​

Perhaps the most frequent response to gaming is that it's a frivolous past time, and therefore should not be pursued. This broad characterization has roots in the idea that free time should be spent productively, even if the benefits are ancillary. Practicing a sport is a means of exercise, tending a garden grows plants, etc. It's perhaps not a surprise that busy people are more inclined to take this stance because they're under intense pressure to maximize their free time when they have it. As Gloria Liu explains at the Atlantic:

Research finds that women generally have less leisure time than men, perhaps because of the gendered division of household work and child care. That could be why Yee told me he more often hears women than men express that games are a waste of time. This rings true for me, at least: When I think about the leisure activities I “indulge” in, such as cycling, they tend to have bonus benefits, like exercise.

But unless it's a contest with a reward at the end, games provide enjoyment simply by playing them. In a previous article for the Atlantic, Liu admitted as much:

Pointless goals, in contrast, are meant to be enjoyed. They trick us into doing the things we love, which can also put us in a flow state, where we’re deeply satisfied, present, and absorbed in the task at hand. (If you must justify the time, Price says, know that flow states can also boost creativity and serve as an antidote to the constant hijacking of our attention by our work, our devices, and our kids.)

In short, it's only a waste of time if you don't value the enjoyment that comes from gaming.

"It Tells Too Much About You"​

When I was playing Dungeons & Dragons in high school, one of my friends told me his father disapproved of the game -- not for the usual reasons (back in the 80s, the Satanic Panic was in full swing), but because he felt it shared too much about the participants involved. He was right:

Rachel Kowert, the research director for Take This, a nonprofit that supports mental health in the gaming community, told me that the beauty of getting to know people through play is that the relationships form “backwards.” “You meet someone on the street—you get to know them slowly over time and see if you can trust them,” she said. “But in a game, if you helped me kill this dragon, I immediately have some foundational level of trust.” In other words, games can reveal people’s core qualities: how they react when they’re stressed, how they cooperate in a team, or how they behave when they win or lose.

I'm often fond of saying that if a gaming group plays together long enough, they'll either be best friends or will drop out of the game. Tabletop role-playing in particular can be an intensely personal experience that accelerates relationships, including breaking them faster.

"I Don't Like That Game"​

Games are frequently painted in broad strokes by their most popular brands: board games bring to mind Monopoly, card games Poker, role-playing games Dungeons & Dragons. As many gamers are fond of pointing out, there's life beyond just killing dragons. But getting there requires being open to the concept in general, and often dislike of one game ends up a dismissal of all of them.

There are many different kinds of games for many different types of gamers. Quantic Foundry's survey offers a detailed breakdown of gamer interests, so it should come as no surprise that there's a game for everybody -- they just might not all be interested in the same game.

Your Turn: How do you respond to the people in your life who don't like games?

 

[Umbran]

This kind of thinking can have a huge effect on you when you're a kid. Young me could've had a lot more fun, and a larger group of friends, if the satanic panic nonsense had not driven me away from games i actually wanted to play.

I agree, that wasn't great advice.

On the other hand, "tell your folks that the entertainment of games is actually valuable" doesn't really seem like winning advice for a teen, either.

We, here on the internet, are not in a position to help teens manage their issues with their parents, other than be generally supportive, and direct them to real resources when we can.

 

[DammitVictor]

It's charming how many people-- especially in gaming communities-- hold the heartfelt belief that other children can so much more effectively reason with their parents than they could ever reason with their own. Their faith in the problem-solving abilities of anyone who has different problems than their own is touching.

 

[MichaelSomething]

Is there a program where young people without means can request community copies of Level Up? Of course, this would require those with extra means to pre purchase said copies of Level up for them.

Another way to ensure access to the young is to run open games at youth gathering places. Where do kids gather these days?

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

Is there a program where young people without means can request community copies of Level Up? Of course, this would require those with extra means to pre purchase said copies of Level up for them.

Another way to ensure access to the young is to run open games at youth gathering places. Where do kids gather these days?

Public schools and libraries often have programs nowadays, even in communities that were historically hostile to gaming. My kid's high school has apparently five or six tables running simultaneously one afternoon a week.

 

[beta-ray]

I hate the player, not the game.

j/k

I would probably only respond if they insulted that I liked games. Not sure how I would respond, depends on the insult.

 

[aramis erak]

Believe it or not, there's people who don't like games. At all.

The few I've met are mostly either over 80 now, or are fundamentalists in an Abrahamic faith.

There are many different kinds of games for many different types of gamers. Quantic Foundry's survey offers a detailed breakdown of gamer interests, so it should come as no surprise that there's a game for everybody -- they just might not all be interested in the same game.

Your Turn: How do you respond to the people in your life who don't like games?

"I don't like that game" - fine, find another table.

"Games are a waste of time" - "they literally help keep me from stressing out and killing people."

"Games are the work of the devil" - if fundamentalist Christian, suggest reading Matthew 7, specifically 7:3-5. Also, recommend they look at the hedonism in Song of Solomon... which stops just short of pornographic.
Other fundamentalist Abrahamic faiths, just walk away or ask them to leave, as I don't know the right scriptures to quote.

"you would be wealthy if you spent as much effort on work as on games" - Ask them why they aren't filthy rich. (The one millionaire I know reasonably well spent about 6 hours a week playing cards. He never suggested this.)

 

[aramis erak]

I'm not entirely sure why we're discussing teenagers like they're not reading this site: https://www.enworld.org/threads/another-year-of-en-world-demographics.680725/

View attachment 287572

39% of visitors are aged 18-24.

I'd lay odds that the majority of posts come from the 35 and up crowd. Especially in the TTRPGS-General...
Based upon certain stated numbers of years, I'm fairly certain that a number of the most vociferous posters in TTRPGs-Gen (myself included) are over 40.
There are still a few of the true Old Guard - like Lewis Pulsipher, who've been playing since before AD&D was released (first component was 1977)

That does tend strongly to shape the nature of discussion; it feels rather different in the D&D specific areas...

 

[MGibster]

When you're a gamer kid, and your parents believe gaming is a waste of time. Your parents won't let you spend money on it, or otherwise discourage you from "wasting time" doing something frivolous like gaming.

For parents, you can explain to them the following:

1. Games are social activities and give kids a change to develop and practice their social skills including working with others, making persuasive arguments, listening to others, leadership skills, etc., etc.
2. They give kids an opportunity to put their reading comprehension skills to the test as well as expand their vocabulary. (I learned what obfuscate and strumpet meant from games.)
3. They encourage kids to think critically (and to make critical attacks).
4. They're creative endeavors encouraging kids to think outside the box.

Actually, you could use that to explain the benefits of gaming for almost anyone regardless of age.

 

[MGibster]

"Games are the work of the devil"

Only the really good games.

 

[Autumnal]

The few I've met are mostly either over 80 now, or are fundamentalists in an Abrahamic faith.

There‘s also an odd little scene I first encountered as a high schooler doing summer programs at Caltech, and every few years in the almost half a century since: hardcore rationalists, nearly but it quite exclusively male, vocally atheist (almost all proudly ignorant of philosophy, sociology, etc in general and convinced they didn’t have tastes or opinions, just rational responses to facts), etc. In Addition to scorning games, many gloried in also not reading any fiction, and either didn’t listen to music or only listened to very select types. Even in university-centered scenes they’re pretty thin on the ground - just common enough that I don’t feel silly generalizing about them this way.