The most lame Abyssal level

[Presto2112]

Layer 64 - The Crayolayer

This layer of the abyss is stark white, except for the evenly spaced thin, straight, blue lines that stretch to infinity. The demons and other abyssal creatures, as well as all of the features of the plane, look like they've been drawn in crayon by a six year old girl.


Layer 5000 - The Buellayer

This layer is a uniform reddish brown, and every demon that calls the Buellayer home speaks like Ben Stein.


Layer 495 - Effluence of Doom!

No creature except for fiendish otyughs and carrion crawlers inhabit this layer of the abyss. The sky of appear to be solid - almost fleshy - with what appears to be small sphincter like holes in it. It constantly rains poo. The Prince of this layer is an intelligent fiendish giant dung beetle named Perry.

 

[painandgreed]

I could not stop laughing at this!!!!! Too funny painandgreed, too funny!!!

It's the layer of evil two faced friends and water cooler gossip.

 

[MarkB]

The Layer of Eternal Mild Reproach

This is an outlying layer of the abyss, reserved for sinners who never did anything bad enough to be worthy of more than a stern word of correction, but nevertheless committed a sufficiently vast quantity of such minor transgressions that their souls ended up in the Abyss.

Since it takes a long time for such minor offences to accumulate, most of the inhabitants were formerly members of long-lived races such as elves or- well, actually, they're mostly elves.

In this layer of the Abyss, they are given a variety of menial, repetitive tasks to perform under the supervision of a variety of quasits, dretches and other minor demons, who are never quite satisfied with their results, and issue forth a constant stream of polite corrections, minor rebukes and downbeat performance evaluations. In extreme cases, the demons will invoke the highest punishment available - regarding the unfortunate soul with an air of acute disappointment, and uttering "Tsk."

But that clashes with my theory of the extradimensional portal that opens up in dryers around the world due to excess static electricity. socks fall into the portal. Cosmic energies then turn the socks into coat hangers, and then the portal opens up in your closet and deposits them there.

I've always noticed that socks disappear from the dryer inversely proportionate to the coat hangers that seem to appear in my closets.

I thought the official explanation was Ethereal Filchers? After all, what else in the multiverse can reach into locked cupboards, and has only one leg?

 

[Presto2112]

I thought the official explanation was Ethereal Filchers? After all, what else in the multiverse can reach into locked cupboards, and has only one leg?

Hmm... interesting. I may have to alter my theory. Ethereal Filchers, attracted by the transdimensional static electricity created by dryers, reach into these appliances, and take the socks. However, a certain offshoot of Filchers with ranks in Craft (Coat Hanger) seek to make amends by usinng bails of old wire to make these extra hangers and leave them in the closets of their victims.

 

[kenobi65]

But of course, the plain has a door on one end and another door on the other end. The door on the other end leads to the demonic plane of Loo.

Reminds me of a joke I heard as a kid.

Bob dies, and goes to Hell. Satan says, "well, there are three rooms here in Hell. You get to choose where you'll spend your eternal punishment."

Satan shows Bob room #1. In it, there are devils continually whipping the backs of the tormented, causing horrible wounds. "Ow, that looks painful. What else is there?"

Satan shows Bob room #2. In it, there are devils striking the tormented with clubs, breaking bone after bone. "That's even worse. What's the third room like?"

Satan shows Bob room #3. It's filled with manure, and in it, the tormented are standing around, waist-deep in the manure, drinking cups of coffee. Bob thinks to himself, "Hmmm...waist-deep in manure wouldn't be *so* bad...and I do like coffee..."

Bob nods to Satan. "I'll go in this room." Satan nods, "Deal."

Moments after Bob enters the room, a devil comes by. "OK, you wretches...coffee break's over. Get back into your handstands."

 

[kenobi65]

No creature except for fiendish otyughs and carrion crawlers inhabit this layer of the abyss. The sky of appear to be solid - almost fleshy - with what appears to be small sphincter like holes in it. It constantly rains poo. The Prince of this layer is an intelligent fiendish giant dung beetle named Perry.

Sounds like a setting for the Extraplanar episode of "Dirty Jobs."

But, see, guys, all these poo layers wouldn't be lame enough.

Now, lame would be something like...

This layer is a large waiting room. The chairs in the waiting room are just barely uncomfortable. The temperature and humidity in the waiting room are just high enough to be noticeable. The lighting in the waiting room comes from fluorescent bulbs, one of which flickers randombly, and all of which emit a semi-audible hum.

As you enter the room, you see a small machine, labeled "Take A Number"; above the machine is a sign that says: "Now Serving: 12." You take a small slip of paper from the machine; when you look at the slip, it says: "2.4169^7".

Realizing you are going to be here for a while, you sit down in one of the mildly-uncomfortable chairs. A largish man sits down next to you, and says, "Hi...let me tell you about my D&D character."