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The Stigma of D&D OR Help! I'm Stuck in the D&D Closet?
- Thread starter The Baron
- Start date
Woman's POV
There has been some great advise in this thread. As far as worrying about the women you date seeing your books, you might be selling yourself short. When I found out at 23 that my bf (who is now my husband of 7 years) played D&D, I was really excited. It brought back good memories of watching my older brother play growing up and then memories of myself playing in HS. He started running a game for my sister and I and some of his friends which was sometimes D&D and sometimes Star Wars. It was great fun, and something I would have never started doing again on my own. Maybe some of the women you date would surprise you by being interested in D&D.
Now I am in my thirties, I have a son and another baby on the way, and all the mom's in my son's playgroup know that I play D&D. They might think it a little strange, but I have never been excluded from any playdates and they are all actually really good friends now. So I say, if you are friends with good people, in the end playing D&D is not going to matter to them.
There has been some great advise in this thread. As far as worrying about the women you date seeing your books, you might be selling yourself short. When I found out at 23 that my bf (who is now my husband of 7 years) played D&D, I was really excited. It brought back good memories of watching my older brother play growing up and then memories of myself playing in HS. He started running a game for my sister and I and some of his friends which was sometimes D&D and sometimes Star Wars. It was great fun, and something I would have never started doing again on my own. Maybe some of the women you date would surprise you by being interested in D&D.
Now I am in my thirties, I have a son and another baby on the way, and all the mom's in my son's playgroup know that I play D&D. They might think it a little strange, but I have never been excluded from any playdates and they are all actually really good friends now. So I say, if you are friends with good people, in the end playing D&D is not going to matter to them.
DnD must be cool. It took me 20 years to find a group that would play with me.
Now I am in my thirties, I have a son and another baby on the way, and all the mom's in my son's playgroup know that I play D&D. They might think it a little strange, but I have never been excluded from any playdates and they are all actually really good friends now. So I say, if you are friends with good people, in the end playing D&D is not going to matter to them.[/QUOTE]
Twenty years ago, I couldn't get anyone to play with me. Females, anyone over 30, and anyone's mother, were not welcome in any of the groups near me. I don't think I have gotten less geeky. It might be my lasagna.
Now I am in my thirties, I have a son and another baby on the way, and all the mom's in my son's playgroup know that I play D&D. They might think it a little strange, but I have never been excluded from any playdates and they are all actually really good friends now. So I say, if you are friends with good people, in the end playing D&D is not going to matter to them.[/QUOTE]
Twenty years ago, I couldn't get anyone to play with me. Females, anyone over 30, and anyone's mother, were not welcome in any of the groups near me. I don't think I have gotten less geeky. It might be my lasagna.
Toben the Many
First Post
Most people seem to be saying: "Hey, the game only stigmatizes you if you let it." Which is great, I think. A very healthy approach.
The reality of it is that I think that the game does carry some amount of stigma with it, depending on whom you associate with. Some people think it's weird. Some people could care less.
In my line of work, I know that I wouldn't have gotten hired if my bosses knew I played D&D. Yes, I'm being serious. And by the way, I love my job and I love my bosses. No, I don't think they're shallow people.
But what I want to add to this conversation is something entirely different. Sniffing out someone who's an in-the-closet gamer. Amusingly enough, it's almost like trying to figure out if someone's gay.
Here's a key example:
Two years ago, I had just moved into a new town, and I didn't know a soul. So, I was looking for gaming buddies. I was at a conference for my new job, and I was talking to this guy next to me. The speaker started to wander -far- off topic, so the guy jokingly said: "Stay on target...stay on target..." Totally quoting Star Wars: A New Hope.
Right away, we make that "sci-fi" connection. We start trading Star Wars quips back and forth. Eventually, he makes a crack about Conan. I laugh and he makes another crack about needing a bastard sword.
A light pops over my head. "Bastard sword." He didn't call it a hand-and-a-half sword. He didn't call it a claymore. Hrm. So I mention that I could get him one if he could prove that he could use it one handed.
He said, "Oh, I'd need to be really proficient with a bastard sword to do that."
Next thing you know, we're trading the D&D stories.
Call me crazy, but scenarios like this have happened to me constantly - where I figure out someone's a gamer or not. Sometimes, you can even spot a gamer across the room. They just set off that "game-radar."
The reality of it is that I think that the game does carry some amount of stigma with it, depending on whom you associate with. Some people think it's weird. Some people could care less.
In my line of work, I know that I wouldn't have gotten hired if my bosses knew I played D&D. Yes, I'm being serious. And by the way, I love my job and I love my bosses. No, I don't think they're shallow people.
But what I want to add to this conversation is something entirely different. Sniffing out someone who's an in-the-closet gamer. Amusingly enough, it's almost like trying to figure out if someone's gay.
Here's a key example:
Two years ago, I had just moved into a new town, and I didn't know a soul. So, I was looking for gaming buddies. I was at a conference for my new job, and I was talking to this guy next to me. The speaker started to wander -far- off topic, so the guy jokingly said: "Stay on target...stay on target..." Totally quoting Star Wars: A New Hope.
Right away, we make that "sci-fi" connection. We start trading Star Wars quips back and forth. Eventually, he makes a crack about Conan. I laugh and he makes another crack about needing a bastard sword.
A light pops over my head. "Bastard sword." He didn't call it a hand-and-a-half sword. He didn't call it a claymore. Hrm. So I mention that I could get him one if he could prove that he could use it one handed.
He said, "Oh, I'd need to be really proficient with a bastard sword to do that."
Next thing you know, we're trading the D&D stories.
Call me crazy, but scenarios like this have happened to me constantly - where I figure out someone's a gamer or not. Sometimes, you can even spot a gamer across the room. They just set off that "game-radar."
barsoomcore
Unattainable Ideal
Maybe not where you live, but in Canada I'm pretty sure that's illegal.Toben the Many said:
Patman21967
First Post
A brief example is this...I have a 25 year old " bar and party " buddy, he has read all the Forgotten Realms novels, but I cannot convince him to sit in on our Sunday night FR game. I told him about how our " rule " is, that we rotate a case of beer and pizza responsibilities each week, and more time is spent " ball-busting " than serious role-playing. But, he knows some Vampire weirdos, who dress in black and are filled with angst, who just are the biggest geeks. We go to bars, pick up chicks, party, concerts, baseball games, etc....but convincing him to game is impossible....some just will get it, and some won't...Hell, bring on the Samuel Smiths, Pizza and Wings, and that damned Ancient White we just cannot kill...Sundays are for Beer, Football, and gaming...have been for 20 years, hopefully will be for the next 20....if you don't like it...F.U.
Tetsubo
First Post
Turanil said:What to say when the guy who has many D&D books is 42 years old!!
It's probably why no women ever come home!
None of the women I have ever been involved with have ever cared that I was a gamer. A few just thought it was odd, one thought it was boring, I married one that was a gamer and I am engaged to one at the moment that fully supports my hobby. She will sit in on a game occasionally. She may not play but she does enjoy tossing in the odd humorous comment now and then.
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