The Stigma of D&D OR Help! I'm Stuck in the D&D Closet?

[physicscarp]

People can say whatever they like, but I certainly feel the original poster's pain. I am 31 years old now, but I remember in high school not ever wanting to mention D&D because of the stigma attached to it.

Well, I am in high school now...as a physics teacher. Once kids found out that I play D&D, they either A) thought I was the coolest teacher in the world (I'm not! ) or B) continued to think I was a geeky physics teacher (I'm not! No, really!). My coworkers know, and don't seem to think two shakes about it, and let me assure you, I'm teaching in a rather conservative Christian neighborhood. No Jack Chick's at this school!

And as far as bringing women home, when I brought my wife home for the first time, she saw the first edition DMG, PHB and MM sitting out. She's admitted since then that she was nervous at first, having heard all of the media hype and urban legends surriounding D&D. However, she simply asked me about the game. Why? Because she is "fun. And smart. And mature." and that's why I married her.

Social insecurity cannot be created by one game or stigma. The game only enhances the insecurities already there. Would you be any more comfortable telling people that you play Star Wars d20? Or Mutants & Masterminds? Palladium Fantasy? GURPS? 7th Sea?

 

[buzz]

But I still think there's a kernal of truth, breeding in most high schools in America, tied to these ideals of what's "cool" and "not cool." And D and D, in general (or, at least in my high school), falls into the "not cool" catagory.

I have a feeling that, in a world where one of the richest and most powerful people is a computer geek, LOTR wins an Oscar, and video games (of which RPGs are the biggest-selling) are a multi-billion-dollar industry, you're going to see these stigma shift a bit. I'd wager that being a D&D geek is a lot easier than it was when I was a kid, i.e., pre nerd-chic and the heyday of morons like Pat Pulling.

 

[Stockdale]

While I'm sympathetic with the orginial poster, A lot of the "stigma" placed on D&D is self-imposed, IMO. Having lived through the hype surrounding the game in the 80s (I'm 35 this week), I have never really experienced the stigma. Even in high school, I played openly. I don't feel that it affected by social status in least (and I had no problem meeting girls). Not then and not today.

I have received a lot of questions and suffered the dork comments (My wife politely refers to my DnD game as "dork night", but then again - she's an environmental scientist who plays with geekal matter - she's also the first to explain it when someone asks) especially from the car and sports guys (Dork of a different color) I know. However, same car and sports guys bring their kids to play in my Parent-Kid game once a month. Additionally, I receive just as many "dork" comments in relation to sci-fi (car guy says, "Heh. DnD. You probably watch Star Trek. Stockdale answers, "Of course."). The Dork stuff goes away if your not ashamed of the game. Be open and honest with yourself and it'll disarm the perceived social stigma.

 

[Prince of Happiness]

Be loud and proud! Keep reaching for that rainbow (of dice)!

Really though, once you realize you say "Yes, I do play D&D, wanna make something of it?" it gets a lot easier.

Then again, I live in Seattle, and so out of the locals, you're bound to bump into someone who worked for Wizards, WizKids, Privateer, Microsoft, and any other game/software company, so it doesn't come up much for myself. But the threat of violence always works (er, if you can back it up).

Confidence speaks volumes. Besides, them girls that you take back to your place, what do they wanna do? Mess around or discuss your damn book collection?

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

REANJR, I agree with you all the way.

 

[rogueattorney]

I was such a geek that my wife just assumed I was a D&D player before we ever started dating. I'm not sure if I lived up to, or down to, her expectations.

I think part of the stigma is self-imposed. For some reason, some of us RPG'ers think that RPG's are somehow very different from any other activity that people get together and partake in. When people are skeptical about getting together and playing D&D, I tell them it's really no different from getting together to play poker, or joining a chess club, or a softball team, or any of the other activities that are "socially acceptable" for "adults" to engage in. It's just a game. But it's a fun game, that a lot of people like.

When people play the geek card, I tell them it's far more social than sitting around watching T.V. or playing computer games by yourself. It's good way to meet and interact with people.

R.A.

 

[jarlaxlecq]

The social acceptance of the lord of the rings has gone a long way in helping explain D&D. there are still a few that still have that , satanic baby eating view of it, thankfully i don't know any of them. Also when i look at my and the crew of guys that i play with, we're (relatively) good looking guys, successful with Girlfriends (In there cases) / Wives( in my case ) We arent Comic Book Guy. I think who brings up D&D to others gives it its 1st impression.

 

[Henry]

Around my area, I have one analogy that puts all others to shame: NASCAR.

In South Carolina, if I know people who drive 300 miles for a weekend race, know the win-loss records of every driver in the sport, and decorate their house like a shrine to Dale Earnhardt, then I can damn well have my D&D material and feel proud about it. The only people at work who EVER ribbed me about it were two of my superiors, and after I reminded them the lengths they go to for NASCAR season, it's not registered on the radar since.

 

[Wonger]

If only I was a community supporter, I could search my previous posts for my excellent previous reply on a similar topic...

Alas, I'm a cheap SOB so I will summarize: No, it's not like playing poker, or softball, or even chess. We are adults and we go into a basement and speak in strange voices and play with miniatures and talk about orcs and shamans and lizard people - and we LOVE it. That's a bit different than saying "I've got a straight-flush" or even "checkmate".

No you shouldn't be ashamed - but you shouldn't be suprised or get militant when someone thinks it's really odd, because IT IS REALLY ODD. We know it's great, and of course our girlfriends and wives are going to accept it or in some cases join in or even introduce us. But you are going to take some flak, deservedly so, for jumping around and being excited that your Barbarian Mage Hunter just scored a critical hit on Nethelix the undead elven necromancer! And taking that stigma is a small price to pay for the right to play this awesome game.

And for all those who think that meeting women and D&D mix, get real. Yes, there are women gamers, even women DM's. Many of the posters on these boards (often the cream of the geeking crop) have groups that have many women. But that is a bad sample demographic. If you go to the bars in Chicago and see 500 women in a night, it's probably a good idea not to mention D&D to 498 of them. Are you ashamed? No. Do you need to start an awkward conversation trying to explain why you disappear into a basement every week to sit behind a cardboard screen in front of 8 of your freinds and describe the siege of the city-state of Dolanth in the Aric empire in the year 3160 AW? Best to save that conversation for when you are seriously dating or getting married.

I've found that your friends and co-workers will love to give you crap for being a dork and playing D&D, but it won't change their opinion of you. Trying to shout it to the mountains that you are a geek as soon as you meet someone is just dumb - unless you met them at Gen Con. Realizing how odd it really is and not taking it so seriously, even poking fun at yourself, goes a very long way. Whenever my buddies give me crap, I yell at them "You can't talk to me like that! I'm the Dungeon Master! I create worlds!" They get a kick out of it and we go back to watching the game, drinking beer, and talking about chicks like any normal person would do.

Unlike a normal person, I really do create worlds - and I love it!

 

[Nightchilde-2]

I'm very open about my gaming. Almost all of my co-workers and probably every one of my friends know I game. When I was single, that was one of the first things I told the gals; "you should probably know that I play role playing games." It never cost me a date and I've never suffered any prejudice (that I know of) because of it (in fact, all but two of the women I dated ended up joining the game; one of 'em liked to watch us play and the other one just wasn't into it, but we stopped dating for wholly unconnected reasons).

On the other hand, I don't go out of my way necessarily to cram the fact that I'm a gamer down peoples' throats..it's more of a non-issue. It's just a thing I do and people ever accept it or don't. Just like my love of comic books and video games. Yeah, I might occasionally (okay, often) pull out a gaming book at work while I'm on lunch, or wear an Orc & Pie or a Spider-Man T-shirt, and if asked, I'll explain it honestly and forthright.

If people can't accept me for what I am, then I don't need 'em. I find the honest (and intelligent) approach tends to dispel several of the stereotypes and misinformation about the hobby. The conversation typically goes like this..

Person: What is that, a Dungeons and Dragons book?"
Me: "Yep."

And that's pretty much the extent of it. Sometimes they ask questions, and I'm glad to answer 'em (actually introduced a few people at work (and my wife) to gaming that way). If they don't, I don't shower them with descriptions and tales of Maldagar the 14th-level Barbarian/Wizard.