The Stigma of D&D OR Help! I'm Stuck in the D&D Closet?

[Majoru Oakheart]

Apply this principle to RPG or anything else for that matter. If it's not harmful, who cares what someone else thinks. (well - care about what your family thinks, but beyond them - so what.)

Well, I don't exactly agree with this. I care about what people think of me, I WISH what I did in life was more socially acceptable. I would love to be able for other people to be excited about the same things that make me excited.

Just don't take it TOO hard when other people don't like what you do. I have a lot of opinions that don't make me a popular person. I think something like 85% of everything everyone else does is stupid and if I had the power, I'd stop them all from doing it. (alcohol, drugs, smoking, and being tactless jerks to women are my BIG beefs..but the list goes on) I'm not paralyzed by the fact that MOST of the world does things I don't really like though.

I'm actually glad that everyone CAN make fun of me for my hobbies and they have the right to think it is silly. I don't think there is anything WRONG with them for thinking that. On the other hand, I wouldn't hang out with people like that, because I want to feel good about myself. Hanging around people who tell me that the things I like to do are stupid all the time doesn't make me feel good about myself.

Majoru Oakheart

 

[Wonger]

And when they do, they ought to be corrected for their wrong-doing.

Except when they're right. Take a step back for a moment and realize that this wonderful hobby of ours is unlike anything else (see my above posts). It is different, strange, and odd for an adult hobby - it's only been around for 30 years, and most of the activities people are comparing it to have been around for much, much longer and have exponentially wider fan bases. Maybe in another couple decades that will be different, but for now it is still strange and confusing to the populace.

That doesn't mean you can't love it, talk about it, or even encourage others to give it a try, but don't get mad when others think it is weird. It IS wierd. There is nothing else like it - that's why 50 different gamers will give you 50 different answers if asked to explain the game, and they are all valid. Accept that, and you are on the path to enlightment and happy gaming.

 

[Stockdale]

I care about what people think of me, I WISH what I did in life was more socially acceptable.

Why? Be satisfied with the people who do like you. Life is too short to waste time on people who are critical of how others' live.

I would love to be able for other people to be excited about the same things that make me excited

While its a nice sentiment, its plainly unrealistic. some people will be excited by the things each of us like or at least infected by our enthusiasm and others will just not really care. Those that don't care should hopefully be tolerant of what you do.

I'm actually glad that everyone CAN make fun of me for my hobbies and they have the right to think it is silly. I don't think there is anything WRONG with them for thinking that.

I agree. I love the banter with my wife and friends regarding my own dorkness. I have found, and am guilty of, that people who give a good-natured hard time over the meaningless truly like the receipiant of that hard time. (I recognize that teasing can, however, be interpreted by the thinskinned as mean. Moreover, with regard to children is frequently intended to be mean). Life is too short to waste teasing someone you don't like.

 

[jgbrowning]

lots of stuff....

Heh. You should try being a publisher of D&D type stuff....

joe b.

 

[Capellan]

Take a step back for a moment and realize that this wonderful hobby of ours is unlike anything else

No, it really isn't.

We're living in a world where video games are a mega-business. One of the most popular forms of computer game is the RPG. There are more and more MMORPGs out there. Even non-RPG games have networking for shared play (first person shooters, real time strategy games ...)

Almost everyone I know who is 40 or less plays computer games: male, female, geek, football player. It doesn't matter.

Sitting in a room with your friends and getting excited about little men on a table ain't much different to sitting at a computer and getting excited about little men on a screen. And everyone does the latter, these days.

The number one question I get asked about D&D is whether it's played on a computer. The fact that it isn't perplexes a lot of people ("then how do you play?"), but in the last ten years I have never had anyone treat me as some kind of leper for gaming. They're either interested, or they aren't, and the subject comes to an end.

 

[Wonger]

We're living in a world where video games are a mega-business. One of the most popular forms of computer game is the RPG.

Agreed. D&D certainly has had an enourmous influence on video gaming. However ...

The number one question I get asked about D&D is whether it's played on a computer. The fact that it isn't perplexes a lot of people ("then how do you play?")

This is where no matter what the game type, even a D&D brand video game, it is wierd and different. In a video game whether it be Madden 2004 or Planescape Torment, you are controlling the character, not pretending to be him. That makes all the difference in the world.

I would expect that many people that even someone who has played a D&D video game, like that newer one for the XBOX ("Heroes" or something) could very likely turn to you and say "Then how do you play?" When you tried to explain it to them, they'd likely say "sounds wierd". That, is how different it is. Even though they have essentially used the D&D rules, been immersed into the fantasy gaming paradigm, and cast more than their share of fireballs, they still don't get it.

And I would not expect them to.

 

[Rel]

What I think is this:

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. It can only be achieved by honesty.

That does not mean that you must be honest in your relationships. But, if you'll permit me to extend my analogy a bit, it means that, if the relationship becomes weighty, that the weight is resting on a weak cornerstone. It may well come crashing down.

Specifically, what if one of these girls you bring home turns out to be "the one"? Except that she doesn't know that you are a gamer. What if she thinks gamers ARE reprehensible and wants nothing to do with one? So now you get the choice of dumping the girl, dumping your hobby or trying to do it on the sly. Yucky choices if you ask me.

I don't condone telling her about your 14th level Sorcerer/Rogue during dinner the first night out. But I wouldn't hide my stuff in the closet if I brought her home either. If she asked about it I'd tell her the truth. Tell her that you play roleplaying games with your friends once a month or week or whenever. If she loves the game, great. If she walks out, bummer but you've avoided a later problem when the issue finally surfaces.

What'll probably happen is something in between where she'll have questions and you'll answer them and you'll talk about both your hobbies and interests and how mutual respect for them is a good thing. Just like that you're sliding comfortably into a relationship of substance. Of weight.

If you'd rather have relationships that are more shallow, the cornerstone you've got can probably take the load.

 

[Timeboxer]

I ca now fathom a little more about Geekiness, but I would be glad someone explains the term to me. And by the way, the difference wth "nerd" if there is one...

I believe the answer I usually give people is: "Geeks are nerds with style."

 

[barsoomcore]

I DM stewardesses (see Story Hour in sig). Air Canada flight attendants. One's a former beauty queen, one's a French-Canadian/Columbian who's dating a bassist in a rock band and one's named Shirley-Pierre. Another player in that group is a red-headed geography teacher and the other is my wife the art historian who thinks Frank Frazetta is the coolest artist of the last thirty years and is currently writing a fantasy novel that will be kicking your collective patellae in a few years.

Except for my wife, none had ever played the game before. They all love it to bits. The former beauty queen bought a fur hat for when she plays (she's a ranger) and a stuffed dog to be her animal companion. The bassist's girlfriend discovered that her boyfriend was a closet RPGer -- he'd never said anything about it because he thought she'd think it was uncool. They now game together. It's all good.

Like somebody else said -- being cool has NOTHING to do with playing RPGs. It has everything to do with being cool. And step one in being cool is not caring much what other people think of you.

Funny, that.

 

[Fester]

Dungeons and Dragons has a stigma.

The name has a stigma. People hear those two words and run from the room fearing social castration. (slight exaggeration mode ended)

Jeez. Who cares?

Look, when I was a kid I was that thug that used to beat people up. And I played D&D. I was expelled from school because I had a fight with my teacher. And I still played D&D. I saw a psychiatrist who told me to stop playing D&D and stop living in a "fantasy" world. But I still played D&D. At the age of 16, because I played D&D, I read the Hobbit, which was the first book I'd ever read just because I wanted to. Then I read LotR. Then other stuff. And all because I played D&D.

I remember once running away from home, and all I had in my backpack was my D&D stuff, which wieghed a ton and which I carried around for 300 miles or so as I just hiked around the country. That was it. Not even a change of clothes. I can actually remember the nails that held the sole to the shoe coming right through and into my feet. But still I carried those bloody books around with me.

At the age of 17, I started writing fantasy stuff. Only, I wasn't very good at writing, because I hadn't gone to school very much. So I went back to college and got some qualifications. And all the while I played D&D. And then I got a degree, and a masters and became a teacher and I wasn't a thug anymore.

And all because I played D&D, which inspired me to do more with my life. And I still remember that psychiatrist who told me to stop playing it and just wonder where I'd be now - and I reckon that it would probably be in prison. So what did he know? So now I am a man and I still play D&D.

And I don't care what anyone else thinks of me. I really don't. Because if I did - or had - then I wouldn't have amounted to anything. Anything at all.