The Stigma of D&D OR Help! I'm Stuck in the D&D Closet?

[Stockdale]

Like somebody else said -- being cool has NOTHING to do with playing RPGs. It has everything to do with being cool. And step one in being cool is not caring much what other people think of you.

Now that's cool.

And I don't care what anyone else thinks of me. I really don't. Because if I did - or had - then I wouldn't have amounted to anything. Anything at all.

Tough story, but right on.

I wasn't as eloquent as the gentlemen above, but that's what I attempted to get across. If you are true to yourself, everything else will fall into place.

 

[Breakdaddy]

Like somebody else said -- being cool has NOTHING to do with playing RPGs. It has everything to do with being cool. And step one in being cool is not caring much what other people think of you.
Funny, that.

Being a legend in your own mind must be blissful

 

[Saeviomagy]

I didn't tell my fiancee that I played roleplaying games. It's just that on wednesday and friday nights, I was busy.

And she said "what do you do on wednesday and friday nights?"

And I said "I play roleplaying games"

"Huh?"

"Dungeons and dragons and that type of thing"

"Oh, nerd games."

"Yeah, nerd games"

And that was it.

A week later

"Can I come to nerd games?"

Now she loves it. Games twice a week. Enjoys the silly accents I put on for characters. Asks about how characters I play would think about things in the real world. Writes up backstories.

Is, in short, really, really glad that I'm a nerd, and that I made her a nerd.

And all her friends know too. And, although some of them don't have any interest in playing, they don't look down on her for doing it or anything.

 

[Droogie]

One small comment:

I don't always think the stigma derives from geekiness/nerdiness. I sometimes get the impression that those not in the know regard the game as childish. Tell someone you play, and they react like you just told them you still sleep with your teddy bear. D&D to them is infantile nonsense that distracts you from more important things.

Thoughts?

 

[Frost]

One small comment:

I don't always think the stigma derives from geekiness/nerdiness. I sometimes get the impression that those not in the know regard the game as childish. Tell someone you play, and they react like you just told them you still sleep with your teddy bear. D&D to them is infantile nonsense that distracts you from more important things.

Thoughts?

I agree with this. I know that my mom sort of views my hobby this way (I'm 27). I wouldn't say she is as extreme as to think it's "infantile," but I do think she finds it odd that I still play.

Umbran wrote:

This is the real world. Stop acting like what other people think doesn't matter at all. Humans are social creatures. They need to be able to live and work in a society. If that society doesn't like something you do, you wind up in a bit of a pickle. Unless you're a hermit, the opinions of your friends and co-workers make a difference in how your life progresses, for good or ill.

Agreed. A quick question for the "Dork Pride" group. When you're being interviewed for a job and they ask you "What do you do for fun?" Do you mention D&D? I sure as hell wouldn't. I think this is a fairly good example of the real word Umbran mentions. I'm not going to risk not getting a job just to be an "out of the closet" gamer.

 

[WizarDru]

I DM stewardesses (see Story Hour in sig). Air Canada flight attendants. One's a former beauty queen, one's a French-Canadian/Columbian who's dating a bassist in a rock band and one's named Shirley-Pierre. Another player in that group is a red-headed geography teacher and the other is my wife the art historian who thinks Frank Frazetta is the coolest artist of the last thirty years and is currently writing a fantasy novel that will be kicking your collective patellae in a few years.

Together, They Fight Crime!

Heh, sorry, couldn't resist.

Agreed. A quick question for the "Dork Pride" group. When you're being interviewed for a job and they ask you "What do you do for fun?" Do you mention D&D? I sure as hell wouldn't. I think this is a fairly good example of the real word Umbran mentions. I'm not going to risk not getting a job just to be an "out of the closet" gamer.

I usually abbreviate it to games...which is correct, as I play RPGs, Computer games, video games, board games, card games, wargames and any other kind of game. I'm not exclusive to D&D. I don't go out of my way to promote it during an interview, where I'm trying to promote my skills to land a job...but I wouldn't deny it, if asked. I never have been. Unless the person is a D&D fan themselves, that topic is rarely pursued...however, since D&D is a cerebral, social game involving math, tactics and stategy, it actually can be a positive selling point in an interview. You merely need to control the interview enough to make sure they see it that way.

Umbran is correct, though, IMHO. You can't and shouldn't ignore other people's opinions as irrelelvant...but by the same token, at a certain point you have to realize that you can't compromise your nature simply to avoid not pleasing everyone. No man is an island, but you need to cultivate friends who accept who you are. IME, as you get older, you realize that you have neither the time nor the energy to waste on relationships with people who you have little in common with or who don't respect you. And you come to truly value the people who do stand by you and who like you for who you are, and not who or what you aren't.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

I don't go out of my way to promote it during an interview.

Hell, I do.

I've never landed an (adult) job where it wasn't front and center on my resume.

But then, my jobs have been Game Designer, Game Designer, associate Editor for Expert Gamer magazine, and Game Designer.

Oh, and in my spare time I am a Game Designer/Publisher.


Wulf

 

[Calico_Jack73]

One small comment:

I don't always think the stigma derives from geekiness/nerdiness. I sometimes get the impression that those not in the know regard the game as childish. Tell someone you play, and they react like you just told them you still sleep with your teddy bear. D&D to them is infantile nonsense that distracts you from more important things.

Thoughts?

I'd have to agree with that statement. My father still ribs me about it (in a good natured way) if he calls and I am out gaming. People for some reason think that "games" are for children but these are the same people who get together to play Cranium, Taboo, or other grown-up games. Maybe the difference is that RPG players regularly get together to play whereas the other games generally are "party" games played every once in a blue moon. My non-gaming friends and my family have more or less learned to accept that I play D&D and that I don't plan on stopping any time in the forseeable future. Anyway, I'm just babbling now... better put an end to it.

 

[nute]

In my opinion, and this is just my two cents, a lot of the D&D stigma is well-earned. In any hobby, the extremes become the stereotype. If you think of model train afficionados, the mental image you get is inevitably the 40-something man with the thick glasses, button-up shirt, and high-waisted slacks in his basement assembling his HO-scale track. When you think of oenophiles (wine drinkers), instinctively the snooty, upper-crust social elite pops into your head. And when people think "D&D", the image they get is the social outcast who lives in a fantasy world without a clue as to how to relate to normal people.

Now, we all know as gamers that the stereotype doesn't reflect ALL of us - but we all know at least one person it does apply to, and as with any hobby, that's the most visible element to those who aren't involved in it. I'll second the person that said basically if the people you associate with aren't interested in looking past the stereotype, then maybe they're not the people you want to associate with.

For me, at least, hobbies are either A) how I've met most of my friends, or B) something that comes up in conversation after I've known people for a while. For example, I came back from my local bookstore to work after picking up Eberron at lunch. Later that afternoon, one of my co-workers comes by and asks "Hey, was that a D&D book you were reading earlier? Never figured you for the type. So it's not just for nerds anymore?"

If people don't have a defined opinion of who YOU are as a person, it's easy for them to define you by your hobbies. Heck, depending on which of my past occupations/hobbies people find out about first, I often get stereotyped as a musclebound moron or an overintellectual geek. In reality, I'm somewhere in the middle. Once folks get to know me, the fact that I play D&D, read comic books, watch (and occasionally perform) professional wrestling, attend the symphony, enjoy fine dining, and write fiction - none of it affects how they think of me once they know me as something more than just my hobbies.

 

[WizarDru]

I've never landed an (adult) job where it wasn't front and center on my resume.

Yeah, but just about everything about you is front and center, ain't it? Of course, when applying for a network administrator position with a investment firm, I find my grasp of AoOs impresses them far less than my mastery of VPNs. Mind you, your resume could beat up my resume.

If you think of model train afficionados, the mental image you get is inevitably the 40-something man with the thick glasses, button-up shirt, and high-waisted slacks in his basement assembling his HO-scale track.

Speak for yourself. Personally, I tend to think of Eric Clapton. Or my uncle the WW II veteran. As for wine afficionados...I tend to think of 30ish professionals and academics...because these are the people I know and have met who are wine lovers.