(Totally-OT) I really need some advice... bad!

[Darkness]

Re: Hmmm

I think Piratecat was gently hinting that this post might be, err, strangely resistant to any attacks other than acid or fire.

If it is a troll, bravo - well executed!

Different take: The poster is a regular but doesn't want this thread to be associated with his normal identity. He wouldn't be the first to do that, too.
Still, he didn't reply for many hours now, so the "troll" suggestion has some merit...

 

[HeavyG]

Gee, Teflon Billy. You advice sounds like something from the Girlfriend Stealer's Homepage. Good tips if that's what you're aiming for, but still...

 

[Teflon Billy]

Gee, Teflon Billy. You advice sounds like something from the Girlfriend Stealer's Homepage. Good tips if that's what you're aiming for, but still...

Wow! It would appear I do share a lot of similar tactical sense with the author of that page.

I still stand by what I said. It's good advice.

And I repeat again: There is no way you can keep both of them in your circle of friends (outside of the current situation, which you find intolerable).

 

[Methinkus]

Now I don’t want to start my post with the phrase “You scumbag” so I won’t. I would regret it. It would not be appropriate; I don’t really know you as a person anyway. But I just happen to have been on the same side as your “good friend” a while ago, and lucky for me, the guy who tried to move in isn’t in the picture in any sense now. Interestingly, a few months after it happened the woman and I broke up anyway for our own reasons but it was just too late for him after what happened. I had been a close friend of his since kindergarten and he just about attacked a woman whom I cared for deeply one day when I wasn’t around.

That is something you should think long and hard about if you really decide to go through with anything, that this could get you into real trouble with BOTH of your friends.

Let me just say that there are many different kinds of love, and unless you don’t put any real value on your friendship with the poor guy, and you absolutely couldn’t stand to simply remain friends with this girl I would advise you not to do anything for now.

Man these are painful memories.

 

[Aeris Winterood]

Hmmmm.....

This is a strange first post.

You didn't say what her dex was, but I advise that you try to get a surprise round off. If you can, blanket the area with fireballs and then send in your front line fighters to flank. If your rogue can maneuver around, you should be all set.

Good luck!

Maybe think about some protection spells first....and charm person would be good to...

 

[Pielorinho]

I had a good friend from high school who I kept in touch with even when I moved to the opposite coast. She told me about her new boyfriend (twice her age), told me about how attentive he was, how wonderful he was. Then told me about how she was getting tired of him, and was thinking about having an affair. Then told me they'd gotten engaged. That was about the time I moved back to North Carolina and was looking for a place to live; their house had an open room, and so I became their new roommate, after knowing her her for six years.

Turned out the aging boyfriend was a control freak (not to mention the worst pedant I've ever had the displeasure to know), and my high-school friend was getting to hate him. And she got a big fat crush on another friend of mine who was incidentally married; he, rather than rejecting her, was giving her backrubs. My high-school friend was becoming horribly depressed, sometimes suicidal, and was telling me everything that was going on

--and that's when I got a big old crush on her.

I talked her away from Joel, the married friend (and stopped talking to him, considering his caddish behavior toward her). Her fiance came in one day to find her in my arms, sobbing; he didn't realize that she'd just decided not that Joel wasn't for her, that I was terrified she was going to commit suicide that afternoon.

She broke up with her fiance a couple weeks later, springing it on him. That same night, I told her I had a crush on her.

We had about two months of off-and-on romance, before she told me that she was getting engaged to a fellow in California that she'd met online.

Meanwhile, her ex-fiance, quite unsurprisingly, kicked me out of the house. True, I'd waited until she'd broken up with him to say anything to her; and I'd counseled her to talk to him long ago, long before things became dire, and I'd not changed my tune until they'd broken up. Still, I didn't behave well.

After I found out that she was spreading malicious rumors about me, I stopped talking to her. I lost two good friends (and an annoying control-freak pedant of a roommate) through the whole catastrophe.

Stay out of it. Do you have other girl friends? Tell some of them about it; swear them to secrecy; get them to take you out drinking. Don't tell either of the folks involved: not only isn't it their business, but they probably don't want to know. This is a good time to wallow in your misery, think about how much life sucks, and then move on.

If you're meant to be together, it'll eventually happen. If you push things, they'll get ugly and awful, and you'll have a regret to add to your list.

Daniel

 

[Henry@home]

First of all, Paul, let me get this straight: You are asking love and relationship advice -- from us?


Second of all, before you act on any advice, search back to all posts between February 14 and 18th, and make sure none of it was from anyone who had very negative comments about Valentine's Day.

Third, it is a truly dangerous thing to interfere in the relationship between two people. Whatever course you take, be sure that you can live with ANY and ALL possible results of your decision. If you are a mature, responsible adult, you can easily deduce what possible consequences your actions will have better than anyone here, because you know the two people involved so well and we do not. I do not envy you your position, because of your difficult situation.

Fourth, good fortunes and God bless.

 

[Mr. Grimm]

DON'T DO IT!

Only IF you think Ann and Morgan are in fact breaking up -- with NO help from you -- drop some hints that you'd like your friendship with her to be able to continue. And when they break up, then ask Morgan if its okay with him to call Ann. In the meantime, ask Ann if she has any friends or relatives that she could set you up with someone like her.

Otherwise you'll get over her, especially if you put your energies outside of thinking of her. Getting some other action will help you enormously. Go to bars, go to libraries, go join a gym, take some classes, take some cold showers. There's plenty of fish in the sea but if you keep looking in your friend's fish bowl and don't get your butt to where the waves are, you'll be friendless and fishless. If this couple feels hurt because your spending less time with them, be honest (to a point) and tell them that without someone of your own around, you feel yourself getting too close and that you're starting to feel like a triple instead of being a couple and a male friend. Be honest with Morgan about where your head is but be mature and resolved by letting him know that you realize what your missing by being around them and that you need to find someone of your own.

Try writing Lancelot in marker on you forehead if that helps you any!

 

[tribeof1]

Another Nay

I gotta start by saying that you are one lucky guy--I've been through this sort of crap 3 times and I won't be twenty-two for another few months. Also been in and out of therapy for the last three years as a result...

But, in the hopes of saving the insurance companies some money on psychiatric bills, I've even come out of the lurk-void for you (haven't posted here since the Eric days, as Taliesin )

Now, I mentioned that I've been in this situation 3 times--twice as the "Morgan", and once, most recently in your shoes. #s 2 and 3 sucked. In #2, my long-term girlfriend hooked up with my roommate/ex-friend on the sly. Think 'retributive strike'. Sure, everybody was in love, blah blah blah--net effect--nobody talks to anyone else, psychological scars all around, and after a year, I sorta feel better (and am quite glad to be single.)

In situation #3, I was in your shoes, and I told "Morgan" and "Ann" both, thinking honesty was the best policy. The only reason that this wasn't a f-up equivalent to #2 is because they were only casually dating, and things never really went anywhere with me and the "Ann." I'm still good friends with both, thankfully, but like I said, it was EXTREMELY light stuff--the L-word was never mentioned on ant front.

I saved #1 for last, because although it came first chronologically, I only found out about it recently. A very good, very old friend of mine (that I happened to game with) told me a few months ago (while drunk) that he'd been in love with a girl that I dated several years ago. He never mentioned this before, to either of us, although in hind sight it made a lot of sense. Your situation sounds like a carbon copy of this one, and I urge you to follow my friend's example. Why, you ask? Because--WE ARE STILL FRIENDS. End of story. The girl, as usual, came and went--each of us still keeps in touch with her, to a small extent, but that's pretty irrelevant. The main thing is that our friendship is still intact, which it probably wouldn't have been otherwise. And he, of course, has a S.O. and is one of the most content a$$holes that I know

I know that it can be tough, but try not to focus on the 'immediate reward' aspect of the situation. Focus on the friendships, and all the things that you are able to share with both of these people right now, rather than a probably mythical romantic future with this girl. I t may sound trite, and it took me a long, painful time to figure out, but women will not make you happy. And if they say they want a dog, they really mean that they want a kid

Amos

 

[Eraslin]

Shilsen: you're right ... I don't agree with your advice.

Paul: here's the scoop ... if you really love her then you will let her be with her boyfriend and remain the friend that you are to her now. You will be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, or someone to hang out with. You can't make her love you and by telling them both, it will cause hurt. The reason? Men react very directly and jealously. If Morgan sees you as a threat to his relationship he will ensure you are nowhere near his girlfriend.

As a wise man said "if you love someone set them free if they come back then they're yours, if they don't then let them be". Although Ann is not yours, if it was meant to be it will be.

I agree with dvvega. If you actually care for her, then you should want her to be happy. If this means that she's with this Morgan fellow so be it. Think first and foremost about her happiness, not your own.

I will also, as many other people have, point out the obvious that if a girl's willing to leave her current boyfriend for another person, at the drop of a hat, then it's not likely she'll only do it only once.

-Eraslin

BTW-I have a friend who did court a girl away from her, then, boyfriend. The result? She found someone more interesting a little down the road and broke up with him over ntalk. I personally lost a fair bit of respect for him when I found out he'd stolen her from another guy (even if he didn't know him). If it can happen once, and it can happen again. Not only might you lose two friends if you follow through with the stealing attempt, but you may lose others; would you want to be friends with a guy who goes around stealing the girl that his friends care for?